It’s been two weeks since I found my husband unresponsive in his chair, I tried to resuscitate him, but failed, every day is a nightmare I miss him so much , we had so many plans for the future, he was only 58, I had no idea he was so ill, I cannot live without him I love him so much . How can I carry on?
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You can because there is something to live for. However small it seems, there is something.
You are valued as a person and add to this world that we live in.
I know that at this moment it all seems pointless, i can honestly say that this wont always be.
One day you will smile again and feel the sun on your face. You will be glad to be here to feel it.
Before that day just please remember that you do have a place and this life wouldnt be the same without you in it.
Sending you all my good thoughts xxx
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Olleyfamily, At this point, I’d expect you to be a mess. It’s so recent, you haven’t even had time to take in what has happened. I’m just over 10 weeks since my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly. She’d only gone into hospital with a chest infection. She was gone just a week later. I’m still asking the same questions and wondering what the future holds. There’s just so much to do too. But, at the moment, you need to just do the essentials. Of course there are lots of things to do, but most things will wait.
I found it especially difficult to comprehend what had just happened until after the funeral. I’d often been expecting her to walk through the door any minute until then. I heard keys rattle in the lock yesterday, and looked up expecting to see her come in. In fact I’d left the house keys in the outside door lock and they were blowing in the strong winds we had at the time.
I can say that it’s got a little easier as time has gone on, but I still have good, bad and horrible days. Days when I’m angry, days when I can’t function, but they seem a little less than before. Let your emotions out, cry, get cross - it’s all part of the road we’re travelling on. Baby steps, because eventually those baby steps will get to where you’re going.
Take care, much love. Nigel.
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Thank you for your kind words
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Just wanted to say sorry for your loss, i loss my beloved husband on 23rd November to cancer, its been 9 weeks now, he was only 50, we had been together for 22 years, i miss him everyday and struggling without him, the tears haven’t stopped since.
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Thank you, and I am very sorry for your loss too, it is so painful to lose someone you love so much, I too haven’t stopped crying.
My life changed in an instant and it’s hard to see a future without him.
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So many men dying far too soon. Mary was 76 but seemed to be going on 60, and that was far too soon as well! We need a health awareness campaign aimed at us men - we’re notorious for not getting checked out regularly by our GPs. Luckily Mary would badger me to go and I have a GP who Mary always said ‘walked on water’. For a devout Franciscan Catholic that’s praise indeed as only one person ever did that!
Look after yourselves, and tell everyone to get regular health checks. Love to all, Nigel xxx
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So sorry you are here in the same boat as us. I lost my Husband 13 weeks ago today he was 54. It all happened so quickly from being diagnosed with leukemia to passing 20 days later. My heart is broken and don’t know how to carry on life without . This is the worse pain I have ever felt
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Yes, too many men dying young, I woke up one morning and he was gone, I tried to resuscitate him, but I knew it was too late, my heart is broken.
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I am so sorry for you, it’s so painful, It is the worst pain, unbearable!
I send my love to you.
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So sorry to hear about your husband. It is a nightmare isn’t it. I had to do CPR too when my husband suddenly had a heart attack in bed next to me. For you its only just happened. You’ll still be in shock. I still am finding it difficult to believe over 8 months on. How could he have been so busy and active one minute and gone the next. However I don’t think its the end. I believe that he’s gone onto something else…a continuation in some way… he’s just gone on ahead of the rest of us.
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Sorry to hear that Lydia that must have been horrendous to deal with. I really need to believe in afterlife do you recommend anything to watch or read on this? Big hugs x
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I also believe in the afterlife, I hope my husband is on a new adventure and is happy.
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I am so sorry for your loss and completely understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband at the end of 2023. I met him when I was sixteen and we were together for forty years. He was my best friend. He was involved in an industrial accident and died instantly. He went to work and never came home. I am still waiting for the inquest to take place.
I take one day at a time. I get up every day and go to work, although it is a struggle at times. I have been told by so many people that self-care is important. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends and family if you need help. They won’t know how you are feeling unless you tell them. I look for ‘glimmers’ like sunsets, snowdrops bursting into flower, birdsong. I also believe that your husband is with you always, especially in your heart. Take care xx
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Thank you, I send my love to you, it is so awful when you do not get a chance to say goodbye, I wish I could have told him how much I loved him.
I had retired to spend more time with him, to have adventures together, so now I do not have a job. My two youngest children still live with me, which helps a lot, but they are at work all day, I just wander around the house, starting jobs, then not finishing them. Its very surreal, and because he worked from home, he was always here.
As you say, he will always be in our hearts
Take care
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My beloved wife died on the last day of August last year from aggressive cancer. She had only just turned 57. No age. My future life had disappeared. I felt the way you do. 5 months later and my life is slowly improving. I’m back at work and have moved into my flat. I still have wonderful support from family and friends. Believe me, things will improve for you.
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You will carry on because we have no choice, it’s been taken away from us .
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in bed . We had been out celebrating our son’s 18th birthday the evening before. It’s 3 years for me and I still do not believe this has happened. How was he fit and well one moment, then gone the next . I have found time isn’t a healer , the longing gets stronger however you do learn to live with the grief. It’s just always there, some days are less awful than others and you somehow take that as a step in the right direction.
Never did I ever expect to be widowed in my 40’s.
Just take it day by day or even hour by hour.
You can do it xx
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Thank you, my heart breaks with all the stories of loved ones leaving us, there is such a huge void, my husband was always joking and fooling around, he used to sing to me, he was such a huge part of my life, he did everything for me, it’s going to be a struggle to live without him, it’s so painful, when I realise I will never cuddle him again
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Flints, I am so sorry that your husband died. It is really horrible and hopefully the most painful thing you will experience in this life. Your entire life changed in an instant and will never be the same again and you are in shock. Everyone here “gets it”. Same boat, different water.
Walking in a fog, confused, anxious, sad, depressed, scared, nervous, nauseous, hopeless, helpless, sleepless, unable to speak in sentences, walking in circles, tidying, unable to eat, forgoing showers because it is too much work, no appetite, startled, blinds closed? All normal. It sucks - all of it.
It could be months before you can function properly. Put no unnecessary stress on yourself. Pay the bills, feed yourself and the kids/pets, hydrate, take your vitamins, and rest. Everything else can wait.
Keep a notebook, each day write down 5 things you must accomplish, mark them off and you will have a visual image that, yes, you are functioning. In the same notebook, jot all the things you need to remember such as names, dates, telephone numbers, etc. as soon you will be inundated with things to remember. Otherwise, all the bits of paper are scattered all over the house. Don’t rely on the phone for this, there is grounding and calm in thinking and having the hand respond in your own handwriting.
Expect the first 2 months to be overwhelming, they are. Then, as things get done, the anxiety eases and we begin to adapt in our own ways. I am 18 weeks into widowhood, my first few weeks were horrific and i can barely remember the wake or the mass. I am functioning infinitely better now and although I still suffer the same as before, it is not as intense.
Hour by hour is the only way to get through the days, do not think about the lost future, you will grieve it in real time as you are now and don’t need to borrow future grief.
That is how I made it this far. Hour by hour. 5 things a day. Pay bills, nourish your body and rest when you can. When the anxiety flares up, you purge the house of useless things.
We’ve all done it. We are still here. You’ll make it. I promise.
Much love
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Flints, I have to echo everything Peaches has said. She’s helped so many on these groups, me included. The wisdom of Peaches!
Much love. Nigel xxx
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