Please tell me it’s normal. Please…::
I lost my partner 4 weeks ago.
The pain is still raw and I don’t think I’ve even begun the “real” grieving process yet.
But the physical symptoms are here.
Panic attacks l, which I haven’t had for years. The lump I long my throat that chocks me and the fact that anything I eat I Chuck back up again…
I’m trying so hard to keep “well”
But the chucking up concerns me. I’ve lost over a stone now ( it’s not like I was slim in the first place so that’s ok) but I don’t want to get to a place where food is bad…
I know it’s late. Sorry for the rant xxx
Just seen your rant ! Don’t worry we all get like that ! Its awful isnt it the physical symptoms of grief ? You are probably just panicking ? Its just awful to go from a loving relationship to nothing really. … all that love taken away jn a heartbeat ! Maybe go see your dr… ? You take care and keep talking on here cos its good to talk and we all understand the pain youre going through xxxx
Sorry for your loss. The face you recognise it’s a problem and don’t want it to be a problem is a good sign.
The early days are hard and your body is being flooded with all sorts of chemicals to help you cope with your loss.
Theres no easy fix here and you have to walk through this pain. I know it’s hard and there’s no point in me sugar coating it for you. Literally focused on getting through each hour. Drink fluids and try and eat small and often, off you can only eat coat soups or porridge or what ever stayed down. Then just eat that for a while.
You will lose weight but it won’t stay lost, I’m sure. May be worth ringing doctors if you’re worried but to be honest, what your going through is normal. You’ve had an unimaginable experience and your body is trying to cope and keep you standing.
Keep reaching out and talking. We all get it.
I started like you but then went the other way and ate everything lol. Although my mates said it was good to see me put some weight on as they thought I was too skinny. We can’t win .
Hope you feel better soon and can start to manage, believe me, it does get better. I’m nearly 10 months in and life is improving all the time.
Hi honey, you are going through exactly what i have been going through. It’s 5mths since my husband went, it is getting ‘easier’, most days anyway. The panic attacks don’t come as often. I kept a paper bag to hand for weeks tto help with the breathing. The thing that remains is the constant feeling of fear, but I think when you’ve been torn in two , that must be normal. I lost over 3 stone, and yes, looked pretty awful, but my weight is stabilised now, though i still have to concentrate on eating some days, i have found it easier just to graze, little and often. I never make meals anymore, and that seems to suit. This is an awful road that we are all walking just now, but it will get easier, little by little, promise. Elizabeth
It’s interesting to hear how others have a problem with food, I’ve experienced the same thing, feeling sick before and after eating, I think it’s the brain controlling the only thing that it can control! The rest of our life is out of our control and the shock and grief are taking over our lives. It’s truly overwhelming and frightening but I am now nearly 2 months into my grief and find little and often, not that often, helps a bit. I try to go for a walk most days and not to expect too much of myself. I hope others are finding ways to manage but it’s very hard and some days are worse than others, keep strong, much love x
I was exactly the same couldnt eat lived on soup lost a stone in weight panic attacks palpitations chest pains very scary im 4 months in and they have got a lot better still havent gained weight and still not eating big meals i had ginger tea for the sickness it really helped with cup soups and 1 cube of dark chocolate a day. Its such a horrible journey x
Cadge, I was the same with cuppa soup, my mum had that when she couldn’t eat much and I thought it too salty and strong, however it got me through the first few weeks of grief, not so much now. I’m trying to eat more healthily now, we have to take care after such devastating shock and grief. Lots of love xx
It’s just over 9 months for me and I had severe pain at the beginning, unfortunately I thought that the doctor would help with my anxiety/depression/panic attacks but she just told me about things I may have wrong with me. This has led to me feeling grotty most of the time and then when I looked things up on the internet, maybe not always a good thing, it would seem that all of the symptoms I have or had are totally related to grief and bereavement. I have no idea why doctors can’t see this. I have lost over 4 stone and a half stone since I lost my husband partly through feeling sick and not really bothered about food and partly because the stupid doctor really scared me. I’ve now changed doctors so hopefully things may improve but I still can’t be bothered to cook and eat proper meals. Oh well I suppose some good did come out of this as I did need to shift some weight!
Please try to eat good food, even just a small portion. You have to take care of yourself, I know it’s hard, but I see grief as a terrible shock to your body, just like an illness that needs to be treated. Not sure I take my own advice but think it makes sense and I do try to eat nutritional food. All the best, lots of love x
I have had a weird reaction. I eat what I want. Mostly ready meals. Biscuits, sweets, chocolate. Occasionally I cook but not really enjoying food. It’s been a little over 5 months and yet I have lost 2 stone. It now seems to be stabilising. Not gaining but not losing as I was.
Some people have been concerned but the weight loss has been sort of intentional. When I was younger and still at work I used to go all day without eating, so maybe my body has got back into that mode. I do exercise and wouldn’t say that I am unhealthy it’s just I’m still finding it really hard to adjust to cooking for one. I think I had just about got used to not cooking for 4 in the last couple of years after the kids had left home in 2010, so I suppose it will just take me time to adjust. The weight isn’t dropping off as quickly as it did at first, so that’s probably better but when I think you’ve got a lot to get rid of initially it goes quickly.
It’s hard isn’t it, take care x
Thank you Kathy. I do have 2 mad/grumpy cats to look after but they’re not very good at having conversations with! Now relaxing with a cuppa trying to put off feeding the perpetually hungry cats for a bit! Gail
Thank you for all your comments. It’s a comfort to know I’m not going mad. Well not yet anyway.
Today I managed one weetabix and so far I haven’t seen it again, so I’ll take that as I little win. Although I still feel sick….
Cup a soups a good idea. I actually do have some in the cupboard. My partner would have them when she couldn’t eat much.
It’s taken me almost 4 hours to get dressed today and I only did really because my 2 westies needed walkies. They are the only thing keeping me going. Oh and the kitty cat.
I’m planning on going back to work on Monday. No idea how that’s going to go tbh. I think I’m panicking about that as well.
Sending strength to everyone to get through the day xxx
I have 2 cats just like that, company aren’t they x
They certainly are. My cat is part maincoon so acts like a dog!!
The sofa becomes a pet bed as all 3 jump on to sit with me. They are a comfort and I’m grateful to have them with me xx
Seems very soon to be returning to work. I hope your employer is understanding.
@Pudding i have no idea if it’s the right thing to do or not. I just can’t spend my days sitting on my own staring at nothing. I’m hoping it might bring a little routine into my life.
Fortunately my employer has been amazing both throughout her illness and the weeks of her passing. I’ll do a phased return to work and see how it goes tbh. I just don’t know what to do with myself sat at home.
I was her carer and my days were very busy. Now they’re not and I don’t know what to do with myself xx
@Deb123 sounds as though it is exactly the right thing for you with a wonderful supportive employer.
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. You must be feeling things there are no words to describe it fully.
I think the fact you are telling people is good. It is important to try and take care of ourselves even whilst grieving.
I think talking to your GP would be a good idea. Perhaps also taking a list of what you tried to eat and when you brought it back up would make it easier for them to help you. I think the physical symptoms of grief are not often talked about. I found I couldn’t eat at first, and my sleep was very disturbed. My sleep is better now but I dream about my loved one every night without fail.