Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling like this

My wife Jean passed away last May. I know that’s only 10 months ago, but I still feel devastated and traumatised by her loss. I’ve had 24 bereavement counselling sessions in total. I’m finding it very difficult to carry on. I hate to admit it but if it wasn’t for my Son, Daughter and Grandchildren I would have wished to have gone with Jean. The house is so full of memories some good some bad. Jean had Alzheimer’s disease, which declined over her last 7-8 years. I was the sole carer for her and it was tough, very tough going. To see one’s beloved wife decline in front of your very own eyes, has traumatised me.
I live my life in a bubble, I cannot meaningfully move on. The sympathy cards are still on the shelf, there are an increasing amount of her photos in frames around the house. Her clothes are still in place. It’s as if time has stood still. I go out to the same places, shopping in the morning, and in the afternoons to a local garden centre for a coffee, which was as far as we could go at the end.
Everyday I am at some point in tears. I get very emotional not only over Jean, but any sad program on the TV or a song set me off. I loved Jean so much that now I feel so alone and in a way lonely.


Hello Max

You are not the only one feeling like this. There are so many people who feel this way and I’m one of them.

My husband, Ian, passed away 40 weeks ago yesterday and yet, it seems like yesterday. All his possessions are how he left them and his only get well card is still on display. I couldn’t bear to have any sympathy cards out so they are still in the drawer.

There is his unfinished jigsaw under the settee
and I am currently sat in his car at one of our favourite haunts.

I had a complete meltdown this morning as decided to pressure wash the patio. This meant that I had to rummage through all Ian’s tools in his garage whilst in floods of tears. I then couldn’t fit it together so just left everything and came out.

I’m having counselling as like you, I just can’t accept and come to terms with what has happened. I’m not sure I ever will to be honest.

Feelings of loneliness, sadness and emptiness are all pervasive and yet I can laugh and enjoy myself at times. I never realised how devastating grief was until it happened to me. We were together for forty years and so I think 10 months is still so short a time in comparison.

Take care of yourself,
X Julie


Thank you for your replies.
Grief was just a word to me, it meant little,but experiencing it now has been the hardest thing that I have ever faced.
I feel absolutely heart broken at the loss of Jean. I am gripped every day by sudden surges of sadness. To think that I will never again hear Jean utter a word, makes me want to weep. It’s so so difficult.


I wonder how high the percentage would be if every grieving widow was asked, if they could press a button to join their loved ones… Would they.
The day we lose our loved ones I think we do die with them, we’re left hollow if any analogy fits I’d say we were simple zombies no real desire for anything other then trying to survive.
For me the first 5 months were a blur just spent crying and full of regrets, of things I’d have done or not done differently… And I truly believe if it wasn’t for my kids and grandkids and not wanting to add to their grief I’d have joined my wife.
That said I feel blessed, I joined this site and found so many lovely, thoughtful, caring people… Listening to their pain and stories, learning different ways of coping even the simple things in life as in eating, no-one enjoys cooking for one so I’d cook for my wife as I always did and leave hers in the oven and just heat it up the next day to save cooking everyday.
Reading books on grief and trying to understand it all I found helped to, using logic to get through different tasks… But after talking to many people on here I decided to meet one of them I had a strong connection with a lovely woman grieving for her husband, and although neither of us ever dreamed of finding love again, out of the blue it just happened.
None of us have a clue what life has in store for us as we grow up, it’s a hell of a journey all we can do is live it the best we can… We’re here on this forum because we lost our loved ones, we’re here because we have been traumatised with grief but we’re not dead, and they wouldn’t want us to join them…
I wish you lots of strength Max on your journey and may someday you find you can wake up with a smile but until such a day you take care of yourself.


Hi please show me the button I would definitely press it . I just want to be with my husband x


Bless you, it really sucks feeling that way… Hopefully in time your desire to press that button gets less and less.
Sending hugs x


As I read your replies, I am tearful. What a lovely bunch of people we have on here. All at various degrees of grief and bereavement and yet caring enough to respond.
I send you all my love.
I was fortunate to be with Jean for over 56 years, married for 51 of them. She was my first and only love. I feel at the moment as if the light has gone out in my life. I am going through the motions. On the outside I would appear ok. But on the inside I’m crying.
I ask myself what’s life all about ???


This forum really is full of lovely people, is amazing how one thing can unite so many people, the loss of a loved one finds people searching for answers, hope, just another soul that will understand how they feel.
I think sites like these help so many people, gives you a chance to read so many stories, picking up on the way helpful tips, a new family of friends, the feeling you’re not alone.
I think as for what is life about, I suppose many wonder what is there purpose in life, couldn’t it just be to live and experience as much as any one person possibly could, find someone to share them experiences with have children pass down your knowledge and love and set them off into the world to live. When I was in my late teens I saw a old couple sitting on Brighton pier hand in hand and that burnt into my heart, that’s what I wanted to find someone and end up where that couple was.
Life can’t always be sunshine and rainbows we’re forever tested physically, mentally, emotionally it’s how we come through them tests that matter and how we help others through theirs.
I really do feel for you Max, I wish you had found yourself in your late 80s hand in hand on that pier, and although you’re crying inside I still have to believe you’re not done yet, that someday your wake up with a smile on your face… I’m always here for them dark days if you ever just want to private message me, tell me stories that make happy… Noone on this site has to sit there alone, we’re all on the same journey.
Take care my friend.


I’m with you. I just feel like a nomad with no home anymore. I am lucky that I can spend time with my son and family in Spain, my daughter lives over 200 miles away and every month or so I spend a long weekend with my sister.

BUT, I’m back in Devon now and I haven’t spoken to anyone face to face since Thursday when I left my sister who lives over 100 miles away. People text but they live so far away. Ian and I were so close and even after 40 weeks I can’t come to terms with what happened. He passed away only 7 weeks after a terminal diagnosis which came out of the blue. I just can’t think of a future without him in it.

I’m tired of trying to cope and and appear ok to family and friends. I just don’t want to exist like this anymore.
Not one of my neighbours has been to see if I’m ok as they all keep to themselves and Ian and I were probably guilty of this to some extent. I’m dreading the longer days as I just want to curl up and go to sleep ….

X Julie


Again I’m in tears as I read your replies. I don’t know if it’s in hope or despair to be quite honest. I feel so isolated, yes I have neighbours and my Sons and Daughters families and yet I feel alone and lonely. In a funny way I want people to talk about Jean and yet I know that it will have me in tears, it doesn’t make sense.
I looked after my wife’s needs 24/7 and 3 weeks before she passed I was in hospital with blocked arteries and my Son and Daughter looked after her at home. Jean deteriorated very quickly and she then had to go to hospital as well.
I came out of hospital and she slowly passed away. This is where my guilt comes in. I tried my best but with Covid there was not a lot of help around.
This episode still haunts me to this day.

Thank you all again


Hi. This is an awfull life we have now .I am also dreading the lighter night and warm days . When I see couples walking past I just think I don’t have that now. I miss just sitting on a night with hubby not always having a conversation but just being there . My comfort . I love and miss him so much .I just want to be with him x take care x


Oh Max

There is no reason why you should be feeling any guilt. You obviously did everything you could for Jean and you couldn’t help being in hospital. Your son and daughter were looking after her so she was not on her own.

We probably all feel guilty one way or another. I feel guilty that I never really asked Ian how he felt about his terminal diagnosis. Perhaps I was in denial but I should have given him the opportunity. We were told a year and yet he was gone within 7 weeks. I was on the verge of bringing Ian home from a short hospital stay when one of the ambulance crew advised against it and he passed away about 45 minutes later.

Ian used to say that Covid brought us closer together as we spent so much time in each other’s company.

Life can be so cruel and unfair and that is hard to live with.

Take care of yourself and just remember all that you did do for Jean,

Julie x

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Thank you all for your very kind and thoughtful words.
I need a box of tissues if I carry on like this. I get so emotional very easily. I can shed tears over past Memories of Jean, looking at her photos, catching a song we liked even watching programs like the Repair Shop on the TV. As I’ve said very emotional. I read it I think that somebody said that tears are instead of words we cannot express. I think that’s true.

Many thanks again, you all take care
Speak soon x

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I am sorry for your loss, My loving wife died in March 2021. We were caring for her Mother who had dementia so I understand the comment about seeing someone who you loved decline. When my loving wife died I was left to care for MIL and it was difficult and then she died in August, while she was alive I had a purpose but after that I have no real reason to exist anymore. I get up every morning and I go through the motions but I don’t want to be here anymore. I am still here because I hope that there is a Heaven and I can be with my loving wife again. It is the one thing that keeps me from doing anything to end this pain and suffering. I cry everyday and night and the loneliness is terrible, we were together for 35 years and not having the love of your life with you anymore hurts so much. This site/forum does help and they don’t judge and it has helped me to vent when I have a really bad day. I can’t tell you how many boxes of tissues I have gone through and everything makes me feel emotional and there are so many triggers, like you say TV shows, movies, music almost everything . Take care, John

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Thank you again for spending your valuable time replying.
From the bottom of my heart - thank you. I feel that I should say something meaningful now, but I don’t know what will if anything help.
I have a couple of voice recordings of Jean which i play every morning in bed whilst I have a cup of tea. That is what I used to do first thing every morning. Does it help, who knows, I just feel compelled to do it.
How do I carry on now ?
I’m already thinking about the 1st anniversary of her passing in May. and I am dreading it. An anniversary is usually a joyous time but not this one.

Thanks for your support

Yours tearfully


I understand the dread of the upcoming Anniversary. I went through 2 Anniversary’s too close together just after the dreaded Holidays. What would have been our 35th Wedding Anniversary was in January and the 1st Anniversary of my loving wife’s death was on March 13th 2022. There have been so many of these triggers and I don’t understand how or why I have survived them, except to say this site/forum has helped me. Those who have experienced the events understand and are so helpful as much as anyone can ever be when grief is so personal. What I have experienced may or may not be what you will but I will understand as much as I am able to. I do understand the questioning of what to do about a usually joyous time. Take care, John

My wife Dianne passed away in April last year. Your sad story is so similar to mine. We met in our early 20s and we’re together for 40 years. She was the only love of my life. She had a brain disease and I cared for her on my own, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We needed help the last few weeks of her life when she was at home with me and our three daughters. I keep having the odd reasonable week and then in a flash I go down hill and don’t go a day without crying. I feel guilty about the thoughts I have. If it wasn’t for my three daughters and grandchildren I would want to be with Dianne again. I won’t do anything stupid because I would not want my daughters to feel like I do now. All we can do is carry on as best we can.
Take care


Thank you again
Am I going crazy ?
I speak to Jean occasionally , I say good night and I say a prayer(and I’m not religious) . It kind of helps. The house especially at night feels like a confinement. I close the door to the house and the silence is deafening and over powering if that makes sense. I switch the tv on for background noise. I can’t seem to get interested in anything at the moment. People say it’s early days, but I wonder when it will get better.
My how I miss my soulmate. I feel so sad and tearful at times.
The neighbours in our close are organising a Queens Platinum Jubilee party on the 4th of June, they ask if I’m coming. I avoid answering. The thought of it without Jean is too much.
I still can’t accept that she’s gone.

I still cannot believe that i have stumbled on to a website where the people on it have experienced or our experiencing what I am going through and are king enough and thoughtful enough to pass on their knowledge and advice.


No, you are not going crazy Max, you are just trying to cope and doing incredibly well all things considered.
Be kind to yourself, do what you need to do for yourself and be guided by your own instincts. This is your grief, it and your being able to move forward can’t be measured. Like everyone else we just have to walk through it at our own pace.
Some wise person once said that grief is the price we pay for love… :disappointed_relieved::two_hearts:


I completely understand the comment about the silence, I cannot have any silence or my thoughts take over too much. I have always been a thinker and have used music or TV as background noise to distract myself. Now if I don’t have something going on my thoughts that are already bad become overwhelming. I talk to my loving wife all of the time, her ashes are on her dresser and I say goodnight to her and good morning to her. I have pictures of my loving wife all over the house now because when she was alive she wouldn’t let me have any of her. I miss her so much and I always will and each day for me seems worse than the one before and each night as well. Take care, John

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