Daisyrose,
I agree about the saying about grief. The grief I feel I know or I believe is because I LOVE(D) my loving wife more than anything else. My loving wife was the only reason I ever wanted to be alive and without her this existence is terrible. Take care, John
Please you all take care and look after yourselves.
I have had 24 hours worth in total of Bereavement Counselling sessions, and I am so glad that I have found this site, as it has helped me a great deal.
Being a ex-carer to Jean over her last 7 to 8 years had given me a life changing experience . I remember vividly her last few days, I wish I could forget. The only decent thing I did was to live up to my wedding vows. I have now a sense of emptiness, I realise it helps to share thoughts. As a therapy for Jean I was told to try music. This did help trouble is one particular song we listened to has the following words:
“Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
when all that I’ve been livin’ for is gone.
Enough said
Again you are all in my thoughts
Take care
x
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MAX74,
My loving wife and I never really had our song, but to me every song after being together for 35 years can and did/does have special meaning. I can basically remember what was happening in our life when the song came out. I have found that for me the most important thing is to get the thoughts out, on paper in a notebook or here on these forums. If I hadn’t found these sites I don’t know how I would have made it as far as I have, and I am not very far but I am here. Take care, John
Dear Tricia,
Your words resonate with me as I never broached the terminal diagnosis with my husband Gordon ; yes it was denial and fear and I was told two to four months and it was sixteen days… He was at home for three days and I am so sorry that you did not have that… True, the COVID meant we were together before the hospital stays…
This is more than cruel…
Big hug.
Xx
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I still have indescribable grief.
I get very emotional and sadness overcomes me every day.
I am sitting now with tears in my eyes.
The home feels lonely without Jean.
There’s not a minute of the day that I don’t miss her.
I talk to her, I look or get a glimpse of one of her photos and shake my head in disbelief that she’s gone and left me. I still can’t take it all in.
Although Jean had a progressive Alzheimer’s, she was present and though it wasn’t exactly an exciting life, certainly in last few years it had become what I was used to, devoting my life and all my strength in helping her and caring for her. From feeding her, washing, clothing etc etc .
Whatever needed doing I was there.
I feel so sad that I won’t hear her voice again or support and hold her or just talk to her to reassure her.
With Alzheimer’s I obviously knew what the long term prognosis was but I still cannot accept the loss, to be honest I am in a daze and at a loss.
I’m sorry for getting my inner thoughts out there
Best wishes to all fellow sufferers
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Hi Max.
It’s good to keep getting your thoughts out on this site. The worst thing you can do is bottle it up. It’s 11 months for me now and it seems like yesterday. My wife had a terminal brain disease with similar symptoms to Alzheimer’s. It’s a horrible illness but I cared for her every day. I’ve had grief counselling every week since she passed. It does help but there are no miracles. I didn’t believe people when they said time is a healer but over time I have started having some better days. It’s not easy but keep talking and get as much help as possible. I think the people on this site really know what your going through so keep in touch. I’ve not been on the site for a few months. I’m glad I’m on here again it’s really helping me coming up to the twelve month anniversary.
Be kind to yourself and take care
Gary
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Hi I feel the same I lost my husband suddenly last may he died in my arms I also did cpr on him…I’m heartbroken we were together over 20 years he was the love of my life we have two grown up daughters if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t want to be here in the living…every day I cry for him can’t even throw away his toothbrush
Life is so unfair and heartbreaking! Sending you hugs take care x
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MAX74,
Keep coming back and let the thoughts out, I have found that it does help somewhat. I was a caregiver for my friend who had suffered 2 strokes for 12 years and I miss being able to talk to him. My loving wife and I were together 35 years and I really miss her, I never had an opportunity to care for her. We had cared for her Mother for 5 years and I did so for 5 months all alone and fed, bathed, changed etc all by myself and I miss her too even though she didn’t like me. The feelings are a mixed bag but mostly it is the loneliness and heartache that just get to me everyday and every night. Take care, John
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Went to the Crem this morning, which is something I do every week, changed the flowers said a poem and a prayer and generally tidy up in silence and moped around.
SAD SAD SAD
My Son and Daughter had left flowers last Sunday for Mother’s Day, again SAD SAD SAD
Came back for lunch and then later out in the car to a Garden Centre for two small coffees, one for me and one for Jean. Silly isn’t it.
I’m living my life still as if we are two and not one. Can’t get passed this at the moment. It’s fair to say that I’m dreading when the year is up in May. Hope it get’s a bit easier soon, I’m not ill but it’s awful feeling like this.
Jean is not only in my heart but in my head as well,it’s so so difficult.
Take care
xPreformatted text
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Hi Max , Yes I’m also sad, sad, sad. What a horrible unexpected place we find ourselves in without the one who truly mattered to our well being. It’s been a while now since Pete ended up in the hospice with 2 different types of cancer and as time has gone on I find myself getting worse not better…
I think for a long time I just didn’t believe that my kind and caring soulmate had been so cruelly taken when he only did good things in life.
The hardest part I find is the doing every thing for one, cooking, washing, housework, gardening and on and on the list goes.
I have tried meeting up with friends but unless they’re in the same boat it doesn’t seem to work or perhaps it’s just me. There is always the odd mention of where they’re been or what they’re doing at the weekend…
How ever do you move on when you’ve loved so much!!
My thoughts are ,with you.
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Sorry forgot to sign my name…
Jenny.
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Thank you Jenny for your words. It’s impossible for anybody that’s not in our situation to understand how we are feeling. They can imagine what it’s like but it’s only us the bereaved that know. I find if you meet friends or family members you are almost holding back how you truly feel, to save their feelings.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Jean was my soulmate, best friend,and all I ever wanted in a partner and more and I would have liked to have gone with her. My life going forward will seem hollow but somehow I will move on for my children.
Life can seem so so cruel.
I’ve been told countless times by various counsellor’s, that It will take TiME or to be kind to yourself. All I know is that after 10 months I still feel the same Devastated, Lost, Numb, traumatised etc etc
All I can offer you is hope and my very best wishes to you going forward
x
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Thank you Deb75 for your comments. My heart goes out to you. I thought that I was the only soppy one with the toothbrush. I’m the exactly the same. toothbrush, slippers in place, her shoes in the hall, trousers on the bed in the spare bedroom, dressing gown behind the bedroom door. I still seem to live to keep her memory alive. I keep to the same routines, I can’t move on and just cling to the past amongst daily sadness and tears.
I send you my very best wishes and keep going
x
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Thank you same to you sending you a massive hug…just the thought of another human going through what I am and feeling is heartbreaking
I’m only 46 nearly 47 I looked after my husband as he had awful osteoarthritis and back in 2015 had kidney cancer…still have all his clothes his dressing gown is still hanging on the bedroom door I think some people think I’m mad…but right now I can’t let go! He was my everything totally my everything
You take care a sending you a huge hug x
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Deb75,
I am sorry for your loss, but however you handle your grief is never for anyone else to judge. Not even us who are going through our own version of it. Grief is personal and sadly for me it is also a very lonely journey. If something brings anyone any sort of peace during the journey then nobody can really comment. That may or may not make sense, in my head it does but with my broken brain/grief brain things don’t always come out correctly. My loving wife was my whole world, my everything , my soulmate, my best friend and I will never be able to let go of some things. Take care, John
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My wife Rebecca passed away just before Christmas her service was on Christmas eve,14 weeks has just passed . I miss having no one to share things with , Rebecca had not been well an was in an out of hospital the last 3 months, the last time she was admitted after a few scans an tests they said she was not strong enough for the surgery she would need.
Rebecca would have been heart broken if i went 1st as she became fully dependent on me the last few years. I am glad she is not left with the pain that i have.in my heart every day. I say good morning to her every day an also its a day closer to i am with her again. xx
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It’s heartbreaking what we are going through I think the only people who really understand are people like yourself John…I will never get over losing my husband some days I really think what’s the point going on but then I have to remember we’ve 2 daughters who need me who are grieving for their Dad
Thank you for your understanding and kindness John I really appreciate it
Lots of hugs
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I’m so sorry for your loss I feel your pain I honestly do I lost my husband my everything last May he died in my arms it was so sudden no illness no nothing
I go to bed thinking of him and I wake thinking of him I’m totally heartbroken
Sending you lots of hugs
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Hi so sorry for your loss . This is an awful life we have to live . All I want is to be with my hubby . I miss and love him so so much even more than I did when he was alive , which I can’t believe was possible . i ask him to come and get me every night . But it mustn’t be up to him as I know he would of come and got me the first time I asked . I always say another day closer to being with him . More than six month since I have hugged and kissed him heard him call my name . I still don’t eat properly or sleep properly. I have had to go back to work just to pay the bills but people there annoy me . I was always a happy person but now I am sad and feel really old. I hope hubby recognises me when we finally get back together . That is the only thing keeping me going . Posting on here has helped me a great deal . Every one is kind and don’t judge and there are some special people who are there for you what ever time you need them .xtake carex
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I just wanted to say my broken heart goes out to you all.
Grief was just a word to me. It meant little but suffering it now is indescribable. I am gripped suddenly every day by surges of sadness and tears. I remember vividly Jean’s last few days of her Dementia decline. It haunts me now and I wish I could forget.
Someone said, I don’t know who, that the tears we have are instead of words we cannot express.
The loss of Jean has unnerved me. I never thought too much about death before, but I think about it more now and I think what’s life all about. Sorry to get a bit deep about it.!
I feel that the light has gone out of my life.
Everything I did was for Jean. particularly during the period I cared for her. She was my one and only concern. It didn’t matter about me.
Memories are good and bad and I hope eventually that the good will outweigh the bad.
Please please look after yourselves, if you get emotional that’s ok, if you have tears that’s ok too.
Keep posting will help as we are all in it together.
Take care.
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