MAX74,
Thank you for the wishes. I agree with what you have said and this is a long process. I have said maybe too many times that I LOVED my loving wife more each day than the day before and that was true even after 35 years together. How in this screwed up world could I even think about moving forward without her beside and with me. I LOVE(D) her with all of my broken heart and missing soul, I can’t just forget or move on or get over her in a relatively short period of time if at all. I personally think I won’t ever move on or get over or even move forward but that is me at this stage of my existence, my life ended when my loving wife died. Take care, John
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Hi Max, I know exactly how your feeling as I lost my Annabelle (Ann) to Lewy Body Dementia on the 25th January 2021 as you say looking after their needs 24/7 is exceptionally tough and demanding to say the least and no one can really understand unless they’ve gone through a similar process and bereavement, for what it’s worth my own situation is the same as yours except for cards and letters of condolence, I keep my girls remains here at our home of 43 years so that when my time comes we can be put to rest together, however I can and will continue to celebrate her birthday and our marriage of 52 years, you just need to know there is no right or wrong way to remember those that we loved so much and of course still do it’s very much up to the individual concerned so just take as much time as you need there is no rush or correct timescale for our situation,
Kindest regards Binley
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Hello Max74 - thank you for your kind words. I have spent time with my dad today then went walking to reflect. I know mum wouldn’t want all this sadness so I will, wherever possible try to think about one positive thing every single day to remember her. I hope you are well and getting through the days x
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Thank you all for your comforting words and an insight into how you are all coping.
I am at the moment going through every day on autopilot.
I feel that there is no way forward without Jean and going back is impossible. I somehow get through each day, how I don’t know. Everything I do launches a tearful memory. I feel low and to find out today that I have Shingles only confirms it. I am not sleeping well either and I guess that a lot of you are in the same boat.
It’s awful isn’t it. To loose somebody you love and cherish is absolutely indescribable, and nobody can really understand how we feel.
I am not looking forward to when the Anniversary of Jean’s passing is up, does anybody have any suggestions how to commemorate it.
Best wishes
x
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Max hi !
It was a year for me on Wednesday when I lost my husband and like you I was dreading it. But the day came and I felt no sadder that day than the day before or the following day. My family and friends all called me or texted me and I spent the day with one of my sons and his family. What I am trying to say is that I never actually planned anything to
me it was just another day. One more day without my darling John who is missed more each and every day. Although one year has passed and I am plodding on my broken heart will never mend…
Hopefully you’ll get through this anniversary without too much stress. There will be many tears 
it’s just what we do now.
Much love 
Georgina
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Hi Max,
I totally agree with everything Georgina has just said about “feeling no sadder that day than the day before or the following day” . Perfectly put!
When it was a year for me in February I actually thought “what now” as I felt no different at all and I knew the feeling of grief and loss will never really lessen, no matter how many years pass.
I met three very good friends for a meal, and had lots of lovely messages and phone calls from family and friends. I didn’t particularly plan anything, but just got through the day “plodding on” again as Georgina puts it so perfectly.
Yes, that’s what we do now, that’s exactly how I feel too.
Much love and caring thoughts to all
Janey xx
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Thank you Georgie15 and JaneyS for your reply
I must say that I am dreading the Anniversary. Partially because I’m in denial and I don’t want to admit to the fact that it will be a year since I lost my darling wife. I will however talk to my Son and Daughter and try and organise something.
I’ve felt like a rudderless ship for sometime, not knowing what to do, which way to turn etc. I am on an emotional rollercoaster, with tears on and off. I wake up each day in hope that things will improve and that I’ve imagined It all. But reality soon sets in.
Thanks again
Take care of yourselves
x
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Max74 hello hope you are well. Mum’s anniversary was in January and both me and my sister were dreading it. It’s fair to say dad is much the same every day - plodding through the day with his constant sadness. We all know though that no matter where we are, mum is still with us. Her spirit lives on in the wonderful memories we each have. On the actual day, we laid flowers at mum’s memorial, had a time to contemplate but other than this, it was just another day of missing mum. Incidentally, I now realise that for about the first 6 months or so after mum passed I was in denial. The reality hit me in August when we interred mum’s ashes, so rather strangely, this was when my grief really started. I find this quite odd because for a lot of 2021, I cannot remember huge chunks of time. I now realise that was ne being in denial. Take care xxx
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Thank you all for your comments and thank you Ladysuisei for telling your story and the effect on you personally.
I am touched by your loss.
For me I am in limbo, there are two periods in my life. I call them BJ and AJ. The first one BJ or Before with Jean , although it was tough caring for someone with Alzheimer’s I.e. Feeding, Washing etc she was with me, I could continue to love her. care for her, touch her and talk to her (although that got difficult) at least she was here, the other AJ is after Jean, All I have now is an ongoing grief, sadness and memories some good some bad. I feel alone and lonely even though I see my Son and Daughter twice a week.
I’ve said it before I wished that we had gone together.
What I do know is that I am not looking forward to May.
You all have my love and best wishes because I can feel the sorrow and grief coming through on your replies.
Thinking of you all
MAX74
x
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I pass those anniversaries by doing some charity work.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not boasting. I do it for myself as much as the charity I work for.
I do it because it takes my mind away from the sadness of the day for just awhile and it also makes me realise that although I have pain others do too, it helps me.
I appreciate that we are at different milestones along this very sad road and it isn’t for everyone.
I really push myself to do this but it’s worth it.
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Daisyrose hi
I too volunteer and do this for the very same reason. It beats sitting indoors just going over what has happened to me and what my life should be like if my husband was alive. It really helps as I work in a community hub/food bank and there are some desperate people needing all the help they can get. For those few hours a day I push my own grief aside and help others with advice from debt management to addiction and at the same time send them away with some food.
Nothing can take away the pain I am suffering but I just hope my John would be proud of me going out and just getting on with my life.
Much love
Georgina
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Oh Max we all feel your pain. I lost my Jo 6 months ago to cancer. She hadn’t been well for years with various conditions the worst being the osteoporosis which put her in a wheelchair. I can’t begin to know what you went through with your wife having demensa but I cared for mine like you did for yours. I’m 70 so not far behind you. Never thought it would end like this. One day I think ’ I’ve got this’ the next I’m back to square one again. I think that’s how all of us are going to go though the rest of our lives. We’ll accept it but never really come to terms with it. And of course never forget. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you.
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Max74 hello there. Rather oddly I use a term that I mean Before mum / After mum, so this must be a fairly common thing to say. Mum.had alzheimers for 15 years and was bedbound and late stage for around 7 years, so I see you and dad having many similarities. My sister and I supported him with this care so we were literally a team. I know I’ll always be affected ( badly) by witnessing the decline of my wonderful mum. We lived through some horrendous experiences and I am glad we didn’t know what lay ahead at the start - I know dealing with this ought to make me strong, but that inner strength only lasted as long as mum. Hence, after Mum. I feel optimistic that, in time the shock will lessen and I will accommodate my grief into my life and it will just be a part of me. I know mum would want me to be happier than I am currently. I use her fighting spirit as inspiration to just keep going and, one day I am optimistic that I can reach a stage of acceptance and be the outgoing and happy person I once was. It will just take time, but I’m determined to get there. I hope you are keeping well and I send you best wishes.
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Ladysuisei,
My loving wife and I were caring for her Mother (MIL) who had dementia, as you say as a team. It really hurt my loving wife to watch her Mother “disappear” in front of her through the years. When my loving wife died the team was no more and it was only me and I believe the added stresses of MIL losing her Daughter (my loving wife) hastened her death. We knew that MIL was going to die eventually but figured it was years away and MIL died about 5 months after my loving wife. It is really hard when the person you knew isn’t there anymore. Take care, John
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I’m glad that doing something for other people helps you like it helps me @Georgie15.
I hope others will be able to do something similar because it does help in so many ways and gives a sense of self worth, even if it’s only for a little while and maybe that’s a seed that will flourish.
I know that it can be excruciating to start something like this but it is worth it 
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I am reading your lovely replies in bits. I’m sitting in bed with a cup of tea which I used you bring up to bed every morning, listening to one of my wife’s voice recordings and also having read your replies, and I’m not ashamed to say it that I’m in tears. I don’t know if it’s a good start to the day or not but all I know is that I miss my JEAN.
I will get up shortly and soldier on somehow. but it is so so difficult.
Anyway love to all and take care.
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I went out this afternoon in the car
to a garden centre for a coffee and to exchange a few words with the staff, which is what we would have done a year ago. with Jean. Apart from the Supermarket’s this was one of the only things we could do with her in the end.
On the way back I heard a lovely song called I CAN STILL SEE YOUR FACE by Barbara Streisand and Andrea Bocelli. with the following Lyrics:
“At least one moment every day
I hear the echo of your voice
And though it’s only in my mind
It stays with me
I have no choice
I reach for you as if you’re here
Your tender touch, your warm embrace
And though, it’s been so many years
I still can see your face
We’re all just prisoners of time
(The days go rushing by)
With memories we’ve locked away
There may not be much I regret
But there were things we couldn’t say
Maybe the ending came too soon
You’re the one I can’t replac
And though, it’s been so many years
I still can see your face”
This is just a part of the song.
Needless to say I was in bits. It’s a lovely song but very very sad and poignant. It was not easy driving home in tears.
Losing somebody you love is indescribable. I really am finding difficulty in moving forward. As I’ve mentioned before I have items in the house, which I cannot move or discard because either they were Jean’s or they were in the house before she left to go to A+E.
Thank you
Max74
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Hi Max. They’ve just build a garden centre on some parkland at the end of my road. They’d started it before my partner passed away and we were looking forward to having a look round. Although she hated the wheelchair we may have walked there on a nice day because she loved choosing and buying the little plugs of plants and then coming home and repotting everything. I’ve been looking at the pics of the place on Facebook that other people have posted and the nice cafe where we would have had coffee. I won’t be going there anytime soon. Best wishes to you.
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