Dear Griff,
I am so sorry that you are in such pain… I have wailed and screamed ‘where are you’ over these last months… I have felt that it is getting harder as different layers surface and being alone creates the fear of the future being a great big void… It is one day at a time and coming on here to say how you feel and this knowing that fellow travellers on here are hoping that your pain will ease a little and understanding in their own way…
Hugs to you all.x
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Thank you, people have said it gets easier they clearly lied its getting harder, I feel like I’m loosing myself. I can read I’m not alone and it really dies help. Right now I need a hug from my Graham and for him to say don’t worry everything will be OK.
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Hi Griff
I think it gets harder as the initial shock and numbness starts to wear off and the reality of the situation becomes overwhelming. How long that takes to happen will vary so much but eventually it will happen to all of us on here.
Take care,
Julie x
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Hi Griff,
Yes only your Graham can give you that reassuring hug… I feel sure that he cherished you… Hold tight to that.
Xx
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Oh my word how you feel is how we all feel I’m sure it’s so painful been left.
We weren’t prepared for at all I knew my husband wasn’t himself but we went to see doctor to 3 weeks later he left me I have been on my own now 9months and still feel as alone as I did that day he died. We were together for 53 years miss him so much. I hate going in the shed and looking around his tools he has everything itemized bless him
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John9
Thank you for your reply. It helps me to know that I am not alone. You as am I, are in a position neither of us wanted or contemplated ever but here we are thrust in an indescribable world of sadness, loss, unbelievable grief, sometimes hallucinating that your loved one will walk in the door.
I cannot find the right words right now to describe how I feel with the approach of the Anniversary of Jean’s passing. One minute I think to myself, has this really happened, and then another minute my fears become a reality and I descend into a spiral of tearful sadness. I speak from the heart when I say that I miss Jean so much that I don’t think I will ever be what people call normal again, whatever that is. The loss is much to big for that, I will be changed forever.
As of now I just tick off the days, and each day with minor exceptions seem the same.
The burden I carry now with her passing is at the moment indescribably difficult to bear.
One thing I’m certain is that reading your words John9, and your reactions is very similar to me and the love and affection you had with your wife was real and comes shining through.
There are no words I can find or are adequate that I can give you, because there are none but please take care.
MAX74
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We are all on this awful journey and it is still painful. A memory came up on my memories today which was on hiday 4 years ago Alan looked so well.
Can’t believe whats gone on since then 
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MAX74,
Sadly, I understand everything you said. I hate that some people say that this is our new normal. I have never liked the word normal, because who is to determine what is normal. I know that the life we had will never be again. I also know that my life ended on March 13, 2021 and now my existence is endlessly painful and torturous without my loving wife. I miss my loving wife more and more each day and night. I just want to be with my loving wife if that is what happens when I die, if not I just want a release from this suffering. Take care, John
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Ang1949,
I understand in my own way what you have said, memories are what we have now. Sadly even the happiest ones I have and I have many, all seem to trigger sadness because I realize that every chance to make new ones with my loving wife are now gone. It isn’t a new realization but a constant reminder that my loving wife is never going to be with me until and unless I am reunited with her after I finally die. I just miss my loving wife so much and I LOVE her so much. Take care, John
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John were All feeling this void now and it is so sad at times I look at my husbands photo and think he’s coming back through picture. It is sad and we all feel lonely and I guess we always will feel lonely John but hopefully they say you learn to live without them.
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I’m pretty sure that my original lead question “ Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling like this “ is what a lot of you are feeling and saying.
Coming up to the 1st Anniversary of Jean’s passing and I’m feeling no better now than I did in the first few weeks. In fact worse. I am low in spirit and I feel very alone and lonely, which are the overriding factors now. Sad of course, emotional very much so, tears every day, yes.
The sense of being alone after all these years is unnerving.
I’ve lost my best friend , confident and I seemed to have lost my purpose in life. I have two wonderful families in my life, my Son and Daughter who have supported me and helped me and yet the alone feeling is so overwhelming.
I carry on day in and day out as if my wife is still here. I talk to her, I had a routine when Jean was here and suffering with Alzheimer’s, which I stick to, I go to the same places that we used to go to, i I cannot seem to break away from any of our old life. I cannot move on. The house is eerily quiet.
I still feel stunned at Jean’s passing. After one year I cannot even now take it all in.
You will come to terms with the loss, people say, whatever that means. When someone has touched your heart so. I find it difficult to ever come to terms with this huge loss.
It’s indescribable, my life in effect ended on the. 15th of May, 2021.
My best wishes to all those who have lost someone they love. My next hurdle is approaching.
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MAX74,
I am sorry that you are experiencing all of the things you are. I too went through and continue to go through much of what you say. I am sure that for many the pain does lessen, because this happens to many couples where someone is left behind to grieve. I don’t really do much of what we did because the last 5 years of my loving wife’s life was caring for her Mother and she died 5 months after my loving wife died. So I lost all purpose in my own existence and just muddle through the days and nights. These forums have helped me but the pain is still there. Sadly because every person will deal with grief in their own way, I don’t know what the answer is. So one day at a time and just keep going until it is over for me too. Take care, John
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I thought that after the 1st Anniversary of my wife’s death, that I would write some words to express how I am feeling now.
I went last Sunday afternoon to the Crematorium with my Son, Daughter and partners. Needless to say I got quite emotional and tearful, to think that I have been without the love of my life for a year doesn’t seem possible. I go there every week normally anyway, but the Anniversary which I had fixated in my mind for sometime and was dreading, was as bad as I had feared.
I feel that I am worse now in so many respects.Although my family have been very very supportive, I feel so lonely and floundering around like a lost soul. I miss her company, her love, her voice and Jean just sitting beside me on the settee. I cannot find it in my heart to delete Jean’s name from things like our joint bank account and other things.As a friend hinted she said that I haven’t accepted that she’s gone yet - which is true, very true.
Anyway love to all and take care
MAX74
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I’m into my second year and I will be honest I’m struggling.
Just gone back to work today after two days off sick, no one does my job do had to catch 3 days work in one. Got home I’m shattered, then found there was a problem with our garden pond. Spent the last hour sorting it. It used to be Doug’s job. Now I’m sitting in the garden with a cup of tea crying.
Like you I have supportive family but right this moment feel so alone. I’m looking around at all the jobs that need doing, ones we used to share. Just right now it feels all to much.
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Bless you Debbie.
I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed like that this week too.
I did a few jobs in the garden (which Ian would have done) and then I heard a neighbour complaining about how I’d cut a hedge (she didn’t realise I’d heard) . It pushed me over the edge totally and I felt like screaming and shouting.
However, I didn’t, but I just mean I understand how you’re feeling Debbie.
There would be two of us to sort things together, discuss things and work things out. Ian would have said something about the stupid neighbour to make me laugh and everything would have been alright.
That’s what I miss, having each other to bounce off, I miss his friendship, his kindness & caring, his sense of humour. I could depend on him no matter what.
I know you had that with Doug too Debbie. That’s what makes these days when we struggle so hard!
I feel your pain my friend.
Sending hugs
Janey xx
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Hi I feel same and 3 months till my husbands anniversary not sure how I will feel. I still have his name on accounts his money is still in his account and wallet
I just can’t spend his money it’s dreadful. We jyst have to take a day at a time. There will be highs and lows. Stay strong Max she would want you too
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Thank you Janey, I just miss him not being here, as we all miss our other person that makes us whole.
Even though the last few months he couldn’t help alot just sitting in the garden talking to me made all the difference.
One of my retired neighbours cuts my lawn at the front of my house, he started doing when Doug wasn’t able to and has just carried on, they also text me to see if I was ok as they noticed I hadn’t gone to work on Monday, kindness sometimes comes from unexpected places.
I’ve just started this on line councilling course called silver cloud, I think that was getting to me a bit too.
But tomorrow is another day, one step at a time.
Debbie X X
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Oh Janey thank you for what you have just wrote. Your husband sounds so like mine. Alan was kind so dry humoured and so handy. I had not hi g yo do apRt from my housework. He pained gardened fixed all that broke and now I just swear when things go wrong. It’s nearly 10months for Alan and just dreading the anniversary coming around but I expect the lead up to iy is worse. Your so right though it happens to everyone at some point and you have no idea until it does can be very lonely xx
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Hi Max
I’m so sorry for your heartbreak, your pain is so evident in your writing. In four weeks time it will be the first anniversary of losing Ian and I too am dreading it.
Like you, I feel lost and floundering and can’t really accept he has gone.
Everything is as Ian left it, even his name on our joint bank account. Why should I want to erase someone I was with for over 40 years.? People tell me it’s just a name but to me, it’s a memory.
Look after yourself,
X Julie
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Hi Debbie
I’m so sorry but for some reason this site has copied your post and put my name on it. I don’t know why and I can’t get rid of it. I have asked for it to be deleted.
X Julie
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