Hello all,
I am at just over 14 months and it is not any easier for me. Everyday and every night is harder than the one before. All of the trees and flowers are starting to blossom and it was always my loving wife’s favorite time because of all of the colors. Now it is all just another of the many reminders that she isn’t here with me and I don’t need to be reminded of that. I exist with that pain and suffering all of the time. I don’t think I will ever be able to move forward with this because my loving wife was the only reason I wanted to be here in the first place. She was my whole world and she was and is my soulmate and I am less than nothing without her. I get up in the morning only because it is physically painful to stay in bed and moving around helps that pain but does nothing for the emotional pain I feel. Take care, John
Hi I’m sorry for your loss it must have been grueling for you. Could you tell me did you have anxiety in your grief. My son died in October of 2022 and I also lost a daughter 7 years before that. This time around I feel anxious about going out I get a feeling of anxiety when I do I just started grieving in February, 2022 delayed grief. I worry about me not wanting to go out and socialize right now I will go to work and to the grocery store but the things I used to do I haven’t felt up to doing them as far as socializing with lots of people did you ever feel this way?
you know … even the most earnest appeal is met with silence.
this damnable world to be so cold not to give you your life back.
to be so obdurate and turn its back on us all, even though we are so truly sorry and regretful
and in mourning … and nothing. It is so harsh.
Oh Berit it is harsh the void that’s created which we didn’t ask for hurts so much. I am fortunate to have good friends and family to help fill that void. It will be 14 weeks tomorrow since my husband died and I don’t scream why anymore it was his time to go so unexpectedly after four weeks holiday he was happy and relaxed and I had cared for him for 10yrs.
What I truly want to do is lay in bed all day to grieve but instead I take friends and family up on their offers and I write what I’ve achieved each day and what I’m going to do the next, I’m taking my life back and making sure I fulfil the plans Graham and I made together his death will not be in vain we had so many adventures and happy memories which make me smile.
There’s not a day I don’t cry and that’s fine because I’ve noticed there’s not a day I don’t smile Graham will always be with me in memories and in my heart and I think that’s why I have such a heavy heart because he is there which I find comforting.
I hope berit that in time you can feel rather than waiting to be given your life back you are able to take it back.
Take care all
Hello Max
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel exactly the same as you do. My husband had cancer of the oesophagus. It was diagnosed too late to treat and he was gone so quickly. If it wasn’t for my son, daughter and grandchildren I wouldn’t be here either. We were married for 40 years. I also feel so alone, even if I’m in a room full of people. I try to focus on what’s happening in the moment because the future seems so bleak.
I know that I have to move forwards and enjoy what I am doing. The trouble is it’s so hard to stop the negative thoughts.
I can see from reading the threads on this forum that everyone who’s gone through the loss of a loved one is feeling exactly the same. So we are not alone in feeling this way.
My best wishes to you, take care.
Alison
Good morning Max74.
I’ve been reading your messages, and (everyone else’s amazinly kind words and replies). I’m so so sorry for your loss, I feel exactly the same as you.
My Stacie was taken from me on the 24th of April this year after a 6 month battle with lymphoma. She was 27. I feel completely and utterly lost without her. I can’t stop crying constantly, and like you say play her voice notes all the time. It hurts me to look at her beautiful pictures but I’ll never stop. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you’re not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope the replies help, even just a tiny bit.
Thanks
Dan
@MAX74 hi. Did the grief counselling help you at all? I only managed one session and I found the grief and sadness thinking about mum became overwhelming adding to my anxiety and fear. So I stopped. X
Thank you alison57, Djwg24 and Ladysuisei for your replies comments, and kind words.
I was wondering wether to carry on sharing and confiding in my personal grief and sorrow, but for the moment I have decided to carry on,
It’s been nearly a week since the 1st Anniversary.It was as bad as I had feared, I was determined to show some composure, but I failed miserably. It’s something that I wouldn’t have missed . It was a funny feeling(not ha ha) on the one side feeling compelled and the need to go and honour Jean and on the other side dreading it because I knew what emotions it would give me and also to hide away hoping that it wasn’t true.
I have had so much Bereavement Counselling , and I can’t really say that I’ve noticed a change in me. Some Counsellor’s say that the grief never goes, but that it gets less and less.
In answer Ladysuisei to your question about anxiety, yes I get anxious, it’s all In with depression, stress and grief. I can’t say that Counselling has helped me noticeably.
It’s been a year as I have mentioned and I can’t say that I have even slightly moved on, in fact not at all. I somehow get through each day, each week etc
How I miss my Jean, she was so brave (sorry the tears have started)
I remember when my wife and I started out, bearing in mind that she was 7 years older than me, she said to me “That’s alright she said, Women outlive men by 7 years so we will both go together”, bearing in mind that this was the 60’s, but unfortunately it was not to be.
I must finish now.
All I can say is thanks to anybody bothering to read my ramblings. Please all take care and look after yourselves.
Max74
MAX74,
I for one am glad that you are still posting, as I have said before without these forums I don’t think I would be here. I don’t believe I have moved forward any either, but I am still here and I will be until it is my time. It is 433 days for me and I still cry everyday and every night, maybe not as much all of the time but I cry. The triggers are not always the same, and at the same time they are. Songs may or may not trigger me today but they will tomorrow. My loving wife’s trees and flowers are coming into bloom/flowers and it is a big issue for me. The constant loneliness and being all alone all of the time after 35 years together was and still is a big issue for me. I can be fie one minute and really off the next when it hits really hard. We just thought we had many more years together and would be able to enjoy our “earned” time together. Take care, John
Hi John I’ve read your messages many times and it really is heartbreaking been left and you can’t move on a wee bit. We are all on this journey alone and have to continue as best we can. I have my down days and waves come over me from nowhere there awful. I have been on my own 10 months now and it diesnt get easy but I have joined things to get me out. Like you I miss my husband of 54 years so much and no he would not want me to be sad. Can you not join any groups I know it’s hard but you will get some comfort maybe of meeting people like yourself. We won’t forget our loved ones but it gets you out of a rut. Best Wishes to you John x
Hi. Lost my partner in October 2021. I totally agree with you about going out and socializing. I am finding it a huge problem and I worry that I will never want to go out. I have forced myself to meet up with friends but feel worse when I come home. The anxiety just hits me when I am not expecting it.
patsee,
I am sorry for your loss. This existence is not what my loving wife and I had hoped we would have at this point in our marriage. Take care, John
Hi Dan, I’ve just come across your post, you must be absolutely devastated to lose you beautiful wife Stacie at such a young age, life can very cruel. I see you both have a young son too.
You are so new on this unwanted grieve journey, I just remember the first month’s being on autopilot, you just get on and do what needs to be done.
You have a little boy that does not understand where his mum has gone and you will both need the love of your family and friends to get you through this. I know you are going to be a fantastic dad, and your lovely Stacie will always be part of both your lives forever.
just take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to show others you are sad and having a sad I miss you day, a good cry does us all good, and sometimes when we can’t find the words crying is the only way to show how your feeling .
Sending love to you and your little one.
Debbie X 
Thank you so much for your message Debbie. Stacies little boy Max was from a previous relationship, but his dad isn’t a good father at all, so I was like a dad to Max. I still get to see him and take him out with Stacies family, and we always talk about his mummy and go to our favourite places that we went with her. Thank you so much for taking your time to message me x
I’ve only been on here a couple of days but I’ve already met some incredibly kind people. I’m really glad I joined, thank you.
@MAX74 hello I hope today is slightly better for you? Grief is something that ( fortunately) I don’t have a lot of experience with but omg it hurts. I am consistent with meditation and breathing exercises in order to try to contain my anxiety and also learn to sit with awful thoughts and feelings. I think eventually this will help but at the moment the light at the end of the tunnel is quite a long way away. Actually I am shocked by how ill ( mentally and physically) I’ve been since I lost my mum. I am having enormous difficulties adjusting to this change which I know is part of my mental health disorder. One day I feel the clouds will pass and hopefully we will all see that chink of sunlight poking through. Take care x
Thank you all for taking the time to read my heartfelt rambling’s and your comments. I am truly grateful.
The folks on here I’m sure don’t want to be here, but are sincerely expressing their inner thoughts, feelings and ongoing sadness.
Thank you again
MAX74
@MAX74 hi there. Yes you are right, this is not a good place to be. I would like to say that through grieving I have learned that the most awful times in life are all part of the shared human experience. I suppose I find it easier to write down my feelings rather than articulate them - or as you say, ramblings. Take care all x
Hi @MAX74, I’m just letting you know that I deleted your most recent post - it looks like something went a bit technically wrong and it had copied the opening post a few times. Apologies for that - please do try again.
Hi djwg.
I lost my partner of 28 years last Oct. I knew it was coming because it was cancer. I looked at your picture you are so young to be having to go through this. I had so much longer with my Jo than you had with Stacy but I’m sure the pain is the same. I’m 70 now so haven’t got the life ahead of me that you have but believe me in a blink of an eye you will be my age because time goes so quickly. Although it’s difficult to imagine now at your age you will get over it, you’ll never forget but your life will go on. I am sorry for your loss and send you my very best wishes.