No one deserves to suffer before dying but at least if youve had a long productive life then it doesnt seem as sad . We arent meant to outlive our children are we? I look for her everywhere although i know its stupid because she’s not here . I worry if shes happy now ,if shes out of pain but then i think that once yours gone thats it ,nothing beyond that but i still look about the house willing and looking for a sign . Sounds crazy even saying it but im desperately looking for something, anything really
4 Likes
It doesn’t sound crazy at all, I’m exactly the same 
I keep hoping that my partner is at peace now (he wasn’t ill, he just completely out of the blue collapsed and died, still waiting for the post mortem results) and that there is something after this. He never believed in life after death and I’d never really given it much thought until he passed. Now I’m desperate to believe there is something after this. I started watching life after death with Tyler Henry on Netflix last night and it’s really good, he seems to get so much right but I can’t help being a bit sceptical that it’s set up for the cameras. He’s an American medium who has done lots of celebrity readings too and has a waiting list of thousands of people so you never know. I keep asking my partner to give me a sign somehow but I always say to him please don’t do it when it’s dark because it will scare me lol.
2 Likes
I thought i really believed in something ,not necessarily religious though but since my daughter died i really dont believe in anything, i feel betrayed in a way . My daughter told me to watch "The Good Life " and that it would all make since at the end of it . Its a bit strange but it does, make you think a bit . She believed that our ENERGY came back in another form but that didnt comfort me because im being selfish and i want to see her . When i think about not seeing her again i start to panic and feel as if im losing control. It must be hard waiting for post mortem because ,at the end of the day,it sadly doesnt change how you miss him
2 Likes
It’s not silly, I do the same. I ask my husband to send me a sign. I’ll say “make the lights come on if you’re here” when nothing happens I feel sad and think he’s not here.
It’s just such a weird feeling to live in a world where they no longer exist. I don’t think I’ll ever get my head around it. I dream of my husband sometimes and wake up thinking " “well at least he’s not dead!” Then I’m brought back down to reality.
4 Likes
The Good Life with Barbara and Tom? The sitcom? I’ve never actually watched it but perhaps I’ll have a look into it.
I too feel a bit betrayed, not for me but for him. He was a hardworking man, never did any harm to anyone, looked out for his parents until his dad died then was his mothers rock after his dad passed. He deserved more than this.
No waiting for the post mortem is incredibly hard. He collapsed but he must have banged his head as he fell because his head was bleeding. I keep thinking what if he hadn’t banged his head, what if he’d landed on something softer, what if? What if? If his post mortem results show it was a heart attack or sudden heart failure I would think ok, nothing could have changed that outcome but if it was the bump to the head I’ll torture myself with questions like did he trip, did someone leave something lying around that he fell over etc. It’s making me ill and I don’t know why I’m going over and over it in my mind because I know I cannot change the outcome
1 Like
Im still at the stage where as soon as i wake up im crying and sometimes i cry all day . Other days i only cry until lunchtime🙄i honestly cant imagine being happy without her . I know dont fear dying because i might see her again and if theres nothing after death then i wont know anyway .
4 Likes
Yes that’s a good outlook, it’s whatever gets you through. I used to ask people what they believed in and when they’d say nothing, or when you’re dead you’re dead I’d feel like they were kicking me in the guts. I know everyone’s beliefs are different, but I don’t want to think about it being that final.
I don’t fear dying now either, my partner never did anyway. I think that a good way to look at it to be honest. It’s exactly how I feel myself.
You know, this wee chat is making me feel less weird and alone . Yeah i find myself asking everyone what they believe and where they think my daughter is ,i dont know what they make of this !!
You’re definitely not weird or alone. I’ve lost quite a few people in my life and never really questioned what happens after, I was really young when my grandparents passed, I was 21 when my mother passed but she had been suffering so it was actually a relief in the end and I accepted her death far easier because I knew she couldn’t continue suffering any more. It’s only since my partner passed that I’ve really thought about it, I imagine it’s the same for a lot of people. You only really look into it when you’ve had an enormous loss maybe? I have asked a few people what they think about life after death and most of them have said thry believe although I am aware they might be saying that to make me feel better. I really want to go to a spiritualist church or a medium to try and somehow connect with him but I’m very aware that there are people out there who will be out to make money by winging it.
1 Like
Same as me, I don’t ask now, because everyone is different and no one is definitely right, even all the atheists that ridicule people for having faith etc. They aren’t right either. So stick to whatever gets you through.
It’s nice to know we aren’t alone with our weird thoughts. I didn’t used to think about all this stuff so deeply until my husband died. Maybe when some people lose a child or someone close they will want to have faith as believing there is nothing is completely depressing to me. However for a friend of mine she loves the thought she’s so unimportant in the sense that the universe is so much bigger than her. It brings her peace to think of the universe being the only higher power. I don’t get it but she gets really into it when I talk to her. Lol
1 Like
It is way too young i agree and so unfair … but my young daughter lost her dad at 34 only 3 months ago , my husband ! And she distraught too if that helps ypu ! She absolutely adored her dad 
and he only gave her away 8 months previously … life can be very cruel 
2 Likes
I also look for signs and beg him to reach out. But I get nothing and feel nothing. I don’t feel him around at all and it upsets me. My man didn’t believe there was anything, he believed we just stopped existing and death was the end.
1 Like
You cant feel his spirit you mean ? But you have memories … hang on to them xx
1 Like
Do you worry that because he didn’t believe in anything he might not go anywhere? As in heaven etc? I only ask as that’s the same as my husband, he always said he didn’t know what to believe in and said he found all bible stories too ridiculous to comprehend.
It terrified me when he first died as I thought we won’t be together in the afterlife, as I have some faith where I dont think he really did. He did weirdly believe in ghosts though.
1 Like
“He did weirdly believe in ghosts though”
Haha, what you wrote made me laugh because my partner always said he didn’t believe in anything after death yet he weirdly was terrified of any films with spirits in. He watched The Entity film years ago and ever since then he hadn’t liked any horrors with spirits. Our friends like going to the cinema to watch a good horror and we’d say to my OH ah there’s a good horror lets go watch it, if he asked was the film about spirits we’d just say no so he would come 
The old lady who lived in our house before us passed away about two years after we bought it, she’d been living in a care home for two years and when our neighbours told us that she’d passed away he said to me I hope she doesn’t come back to the house. One night the cat had burst through the catflap making an almighty bang and he was like what the hell was that? I said oh probably Beryl, his face dropped, he didn’t like that Always made me chuckle that someone who was so sure there was nothing after death got so worked up about spirits. He was such a funny character 
6 Likes
@Kat1984 I seriously am not sure. Before he died I believed in the afterlife and would watch all the medium shows. He didn’t believe in it and said when you die I believe there is nothing, you just cease to exist because of that and because I do not feel him at all in any way then I wonder if he’s right. But we did have him committed during his cremation because IF there’s a heaven, it was important to me that he got in.
It’s the one thing we’ll never know until we die.
1 Like
That’s exactly how I feel. I was terrified at first but now I guess it’s just a wait and see, or not see 
1 Like
@LostLil & @Kat1984
You have both made me laugh this morning about your partners’ reactions to spirits.
For what it’s worth, I don’t feel anything of my husband around me and I can’t believe that things like white feathers would be a sign from him as we live in the country and there are everywhere and always have been. Equally we get robins frequently in the garden.
I would like to know he’s watching over me but that is my faith and faith is believing in what cannot be proved. If it were provable you don’t need faith. As someone said in church last week, you don’t need faith to know that two and two make four.
The 11 months that he has gone have passed so quickly and it is ten years ago today that his Mum died. That gave me peace last night as I thought about it, as the eternity we will have together one day will be here before we know it, even if I live to a decent old age.
Love to all
Karen xxx
3 Likes
I’ve never been able to understand why people think white feathers means our loved ones. Do they think they’ve turned into an angel or something?
Same with Robins, although I do find myself paying more attention to them now.
Yes you’re right, faith fills the gap when there is no proof. It’s just hard sometimes keeping that faith.
I always used to think ghosts were souls with unfinished business, so maybe that’s why our loved ones aren’t around us. Maybe they’ve gone to where they are supposed to be.
4 Likes