Yep that’s so hard isnt it feeling everyone elses pain when you can barely cope with your own … 
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Today I found out the white feather came from inside his mams cushions on the sofa, one of them is leaking. I knew that it probably had a logical explanation but I kept the feather just incase. I feel like an idiot now 
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Hi! The name of this thread is exactly where I feel right now. I lost my husband of 26 years last July. I am only 48. Although day to day things have gotten easier - like I don’t expect him to be there when I get home now - the bigger picture of what to do with my life is now coming more into focus. I recently went away away for a few days on my own - just in the UK - this was the the first time I have ever been on holiday on my own. And although it was nice, it seemed a bit pointless without him to share it with. We would have normally sat in the bar at night people watching and making up funny stories about other people - but this time there was no one to do that with. This Easter weekend, I have nothing on - everyone is busy with their families or away. I keep thinking that i could do this or I could do that, but I can’t be bothered doing it on my own - cos I don’t think it will be fun. I so miss being actively loved. We were each other’s soulmates and simply loved being together. There are some days when I do not even hear my own voice once as I am in the house on my own. I feel I am just existing rather than living, although to everyone else I am “doing great”. I am surrounded by the best family, although they live far away, and the best friends but I just want him! How do I find my zest for life again?
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I think you need to be hobest with your friends/fsmily jow ypu really feel . I had a horrendous Easter too … its rubbish by yourself isnt it ? I lost my hubby of 35 years in december … i too miss his company so much ! He was lovely to be around and good fun 
i think your brave going on holiday yourself … i dunno if i can do that ? Im taking my mum with me for a little 4 day break to the seaside xxx
Hi Deb! I think I went on holiday on my own to prove to myself that I could do it. Even though my family and friends are the best, I was so fed up being invited to everything, because I am on my own and have nothing better to do. I have been on lots of breaks away with them. I wanted to feel in control of my life again, rather than everyone else organising my life for me. I know that must sound really ungrateful, and I truly don’t mean it like that. But I just can’t motivate myself to do a lot as it does not seem fun without my lovely husband
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Yeh sorry about the the typos i just noticed but you got my gist ! No i actually i think youre brave cos im too scared to do that but i know what u mean. I haven’t really been that protected by my friends/family so not felt it necessary … in fact ive sort t of gone the opposite way ive withdrawn from people and i was so angry after he went !!! I was sooo angry with everybody ! But especially after funeral everybody disappears don’t they and my family just got on with their own lives very selfishly i think 
and i know what you mean not much is fun without them is it xxx
Oh I am so sorry that your family seemed to have disappeared. I think people just feel really awkward don’t they? They don’t know what to say or do and it just feels uncomfortable for them so I suppose some people start to pull away. I do get feeling angry. You just stupidly assume that you’re going to reach old age together and then boom! You don’t. In my case, I just try to hang onto the fact that my husband knew I loved him deeply, and we had a lovely life together, and he was happy at the time he died. I suppose none of us can wish for more than that.
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Yeh same here … i know my husband knew i loved him … told him just before he passed too ! He was so lovely and i really didn’t want him to go ! Life can be so cruel cant it 
i think im still in bit in disbelief hes gone tbf … he was a big character my family have been abismal since funeral and ive told then so too … its just pathetic really. My kids have been arguing over money ! For gods sakes who cares about money when you lost love of your life ? Awful innit xx
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I found that i felt different about ALL my other relationships/friendships after my daughter died but i dont know why . I felt distant from everyone as if i didnt know or want to know these people anymore. But they are all amazing friends so it must be me …i dont understand why i feel like this . When i should lean on my friends i just dont want to
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When you say before he died you believed in the afterlife and would watch all the medium shows did you ever watch anything by Tyler Henry? I’ve become a bit obsessed with him lately. He “seems” really, really good but obviously he could be doing a lot of research on the people he reads for. Just wondering if you’ve heard of him and your thoughts on him? x
He has a series on Netflix called Afterlife with Tyler Henry. He’s got a 30,000 waiting list and has read for many celebrities too.
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@Molly74 Similar to me, i lost my hubby last oct suddenly and unexpectedly, we were both 47 and had been together almost 25yrs.
We were soulmates, no children just us 2 and our dogs. Bank holiday weekends would normally involve getting the train into town and have a few drinks, or go out for a lovely walk and then a nice pub for tea.
Well done for going away on your own, ive thought about it but not much fun without my Bri.
Also like you, just existing, one day at a time, getting through each crappy day.
Im sorry i cant offer any positive advice, its just crap isnt it xx
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Watched them all and Long Island Medium, Jonathan Edwards, loads of them. My Rich used to take the mick out of me for watching such shite lol.
Now I don’t believe. Well until I have something definitive.
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No its almost as if you wajtvto be solitary with your thoughts of them.isnt it ? Xx
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It is crap i agree and so hard to be positive about any of it xx