Decided to go for a walk to shake off the apathy of the past few days. Everywhere looking so beautiful and so sad my husband isn’t here to share the stunning views we both loved. Hundred yards from home I met a neighbour returning from her walk with her dog. She commented how my weight loss suits me. I said it’s such a shame it took stress for it to happen. The stress being the sudden death of my husband which she was fully aware of. Never mind she said, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I kept my dignity and walked on.
The prospect of becoming a hermit has never been more appealing.
7 Likes
Someone said something similar to me about how good I looked and that I’ve lost weight. I said yeah I had to lose my husband to lose weight go figure. I think at times people’s brains don’t engage with their mouths. I had my husbands name tattooed on my wrist. Someone said, what if you get married again. That isn’t going to happen i said.
2 Likes
Becoming a hermit is very appealing. I’ve also had comments where I’ve just come home and fell apart. Someone said , ‘you’re still quite young you’ll meet someone else.’ Or I should be ‘getting over it by now after six months’. 
1 Like
Don’t you realise lady’s we should all be over it by now 
How dare we take offense at what uncaring, unthinking idiots say to us, we also need to stop embarrassing people by bursting into tears at inappropriate times and give ourselves a good shake mmmm if only it was so easy eh?
4 Likes
I actually thought you was going to say I punched her in the nose ,she fell over and staggered to her feet and said that hurt,and you replied what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
my imagination occasionally make me think of what you should of done .
excuse my aggressive mindset which is saved for these insensitive peoples remarks.
hope no one is offended.
regards ian
7 Likes
Now that would be the perfect retaliation Ian 
4 Likes
Believe me Ian the thought did enter my head. A slap at least. I won’t write here what went through my thoughts. Would have to be censored.
4 Likes
I actually occasionally feel sorry for these people luckily living with their wives husband partners,who come out with this insensitive kind of remark.why because if thats really how they would expect to feel after losing their other half,they are not with their one true love or soulmate,they have and are missing out on that special bond that very few truly experience,were you put them first ,both caring more for the other than themselves.to me that is true love.and lots of other things in life make this the relationship that cannot ever be equalled.end of my sermon.
hope no one is offended by my thoughts.
4 Likes
I like that
4 Likes
hi Jobar
I can totally understand,obviously ive censored my thoughts a little.but dont honestly know how id react if this had been said to me by a man whilst shopping.although with the distancing rules at present I could say he was way to close to me and i didn’t intend to push him through the shop window.
be a good idea if grief ,bereavement and the affects on those losing loved ones was taught in society .as lets face it every one loses a loved one.and most of us will lose someone that affects us more than we ever thought humanly possible.just my humble thought.oh and sorry for infesting your thread with my opinions.
1 Like
So it’s the stress that’s causing me to loose weight. I thought it was a rexciton to my cooking. My wife was such a good cook, the quality of my meals has definitely deteriorated.
Jobar, I am sure your neighbour did not mean to offend you with her comments. Some people do not know what to say when talking to someone who is grieving.
I lost my partner of sixteen years very suddenly (he died from a massive brain haemmorage.) The old saying that you find out who your true friends are when you are in a crisis was very true in my situation. I am lucky because I was overwhelmed with the amount of love and support I received when my partner died.
The best thing to do is keep yourself busy and focus on those people who have given you support whilst you are grieving. Take if from some one who is going thru this journey, things do get easier in time.
You know … people just don’t understand the agony of loss and come out with such insensitive things.
Sadly I honestly feel people would only ever know if they have to join the club …this club none of us ever wanted to be part of 
take good care…one step at a time …all you can do 
Hi Lozza
I just wanted to say that I lost my mum exactly the same way you lost your partner. Happy and normal, suddenly said she felt funny down one side and became unconscious. She was in intensive care for 24 hours and then lots of tests which showed she was brain dead. The shock of losing her in this way still consumes me 11 months down the line. I tried to imagine how I might lose my mum and a massive brain hemorrhage never even entered my thoughts.
Cheryl x
Hi Cheryl, like you I never imagined my husband would die the way he did. I do understand how awful a shock it has been to lose your mum the way you have so suddenly and unexpectedly. I always thought my husband and I would grow old together and look after each other. I didn’t assume it would be easy as I have watched my parents deal with all sorts of issues but I was prepared to adapt and deal with anything as long as we had each other. I too am consumed by disbelief that he died so suddenly at 64. He had always been strong , very active and looking forward to enjoying retirement. I only imagined my future with him - there was no plan B.
We all accept no one lives forever but we’re never ready to lose a loved one however it happens. It’s unthinkable and indescribable.xx
1 Like
Jobar
Its comforting to see that we arent alone. It just feels like it sometimes xx
2 Likes
Hi. I haven’t written in here for a long time but your words so much mirror how I feel I felt I had to write something. My husband died 18 months ago within 3 weeks of being diagnosed with metastasised lung cancer. He was a very fit and strong 61 years old. We too looked to the future and making plans for our retirement. The thing that struck me is the word “disbelief” that you use. That’s exactly how I feel. I feel that I somehow need to believe it to be able to carry on. It’s like I’m stuck in no mans land. I keep thinking “how could it have happened”? It’s just not right. Maybe I’m just stuck in one of the stages of grief. Who knows? Hopefully in time we will all move forward a little further and find some peace.
Take care
Lynn x
Thanks for replying. Yes my partner went to work the day before he died and I remember having a debate about politics that night. He seemed fine, then he came to bed complaining of a severe headache, started screaming in pain and then collapsed. The doctors said he had a bulging artery in his head that burst and lead to a brain aneurysm. I spent about 3 - 4 months in disbelief and shock but gradually with the help of Counselling have accepted that he is gone forever. I am now rebuilding my life with my two sons who still live at home. They are 9 and 19 years old. I have lots of lovely memories of my partner, Tom. I hope the fact that I have survived this will give others the strength to carry on. Peace and love to you all xx
1 Like
Hi lozza
I didnt get that sort of detail from mums PM.
All I know is that she had a sudden severe bleed deep within her brain. Although kings college thought they could operate and she was blue lighted there, they took one look and said the bleed was too deep to get to and that she would pass away naturally in a couple of hours. But she didnt. She was still hanging on almost 24 hours later so we gave permission for her life support to be turned off. It was truly awful.
I’m sorry that you have had to go through this particularly with young children too. My 13 year old misses her nan so much. X
1 Like
Hello, Mumma J
It is so easy to be stuck in grief, I believe that I am too. I know that I shouldn’t but I look ahead at the lonely years facing me without my dearly loved husband and I despair. I firmly believe that when the time is right we shall meet again.
It is so hard, isn’t it?
Take care and stay safel
Blessings,
MaryL