Hello Roberts
Thank you for your message.
I’ve been crying on and off for weeks, Marti was amazing, I so miss his lovely face and how much love he showed me.
I know spring is near but i hurt as I’m without him.
We used to love walking, there’s a lake nearby us which we used to feed the fish, I can’t bring myself to walk where we used to.
I feel hysterical and panic a lot now.
I was always running around family and by the time I got to sit and watch TV when eating our dinner together I’d just grunt yes no at him because he used to talk a lot to me and I was always so tired to hold a full conversation. I used to tell him off a lot for constantly nattering. I feel guilty in that Marti would ask me to watch TV in bed with him and I’d say, 'no, I’ve got to wash up etc, how I wish I just left the washing up. I do feel I deserve to be unhappy as he always said he loved talking to me and enjoyed my company, but I was always so tired as our lives were hectic, busy, but my life now is quiet, lonely and pointless.
Sorry to rant.
Hugs to all who are going through this horrible time xx
We all have things we look back on and think “If only”. If only I’d been home more. If only I’d rearranged my time." But we dont have a crystal ball and we are all human. Maybe this quiet time can give you the space you need find yourself, let your emotions out and spend time maybe with your family. You must all still be in shock and everything feeling still so painful, missing the man in your lives. Your life is far from pointless, you will in time find a small speck of light, as I find from time to time. Take care and be kind to yourself. You were loved for what you were not what you might have been.
Robette xx
Bjane how are you coping? You have been in my thoughts so much. I would live to receive a few words to put my mind at ease…xx
Hello Robette, so sorry to worry you, will be writing to you . Nothing to worry about! Take care x
I do. My wife was recovering from severe sepsis when she passed because of an unrelated condition. She was grateful to have been able to come back to me after that crisis. She asked me to join her to serve god and help other people. We did, and with all our heart. We naively thought that by doing good god would show mercy. But nope; just when we were trying our best to help others in need she left me suddenly.
I am now the one who need help; but there is none. . Yeah I do think that there are brunches of bad people out there enjoying long lives with their families. And to be completely honest I don’t think that’s fair. But so what? we have been working hard all our lives to support ourselves and our families; we’d done nothing wrong. We raised our daughter up to be an honest person . And now I lost my soulmate, my best friend, my everything. That’s not what I have anticipated.
Luckystarhonkong It is good that we cannot anticipate everything. We would be so very unhappy if we were able to do so. From reading your post I believe that the two of you worked so very closely together through all of your lives. It is heartbreaking when we are left behind not knowing what to do next. All I can say is that you must take all the time needed to get through these first months, possibly years. Feeling angry with the world is quite normal. How can we not be angry when we have lost our loved ones? It will take me personally, more time than just the 11 months that have passed, so you too should remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to mourn, as I am still doing today. Thinking of you and your family.
thanks Robette. I’ve been through ups and downs in life quite a bit. When I’m younger I was angry about setbacks in my study and career, difficulties in setting up my own business etc. My wife supported me 24/7 and encouraged me when I was at the lowest point; she asked me not to give up and fight on. We struggled together until we achieved financial freedom in recent years. We’re no rich people but could live a relatively carefree life. However, I still had regrets, like not having achieved anything, but I’d come to terms with it. As she always said, life is not perfect; we have a loving relationship, and we have a mature, smart and kind hearted daughter, that’s what I should be grateful for. Gradually I came to accept that she was right. I was happier, and contented that the 3 of us could have some peaceful days together. I won’t ask for anything more…
As she passed, that had tipped the balance. I am angry that we are robbed of many good years ahead(she’s just 50). I am sorry that my wife was unable to enjoy life in our retirement planned next year; I am heartbroken to see my young daughter losing her mother. That’s not what we deserve to have! I began to feel the bitterness of my old self coming alive again…
I can understand what you said. Being angry is not good for me. I’m not sure if I can accept what has happened and get going again. I hope I can. But right now the only thing I can do is to plod through the days 1 day at a time. I don’t think about the future, for I’ve none.
I know what you mean. My husband was only 50 as well. We had worked hard so that we could look forward to a happy retirement where we would spend time together. I don’t know how to move forward without his companionship. I miss him more and more each day. I don’t understand how this is now my life - a life I didn’t want or choose.
@Jules4
I feel the same as you. I really miss my Martin all day and night. I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t bear life without him. I’m lost and despairing. I can’t see a way forward as he was my everything.
I get fed up with comments ‘your doing well’ .
Deep inside I’m in pain, yearning for my Marti. They have no idea.
Sending hugs
Amy x
I was asked what would make it better. I said the companionship of my husband and no one can make that happen. I don’t see what else will make it better.
Unbelievable to ask such a stupid question.
As days go by I miss my Marti more.
I can’t concentrate on anything. I haven’t done walking, drawing or reading to keep myself busy like people suggest, I just exist and feel utter despair without my Marti.
Amy x
Yes, existing is the right word. It’s far from the life that we had. I think it gets harder the longer it goes in because it’s longer since he hugged me. I’ve never gone this long without a hug from him - ever.
it gets harder as time goes on in some ways and less hard in others maybe.
My husband died 7 months ago now. I cannot believe that’s real. Half a year without him, I never would have believed I’d still be breathing. But I am.
I still feel like I might stop breathing sometimes as I feel literal pain in my heart often but all these many days I managed somehow. I don’t know whether to be glad or not about that.
for several months (maybe around 5) I couldn’t enjoy TV or reading or anything much either but now I can so that’s a positive change as passing the time became easier. Of course I still have many moments where I have to stop and I’m overwhelmed by emotion or worries but there are increasingly gaps between those now.
I still feel very shocked that this is my real life. I constantly feel like I should be somewhere else like I’m lost and took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong life and I shouldn’t be here.
it is hard but I guess I’m starting to find enduring it easier. Hoping for as good a day as possible for all us lost people. There’s a lot of us.
Hi @FleurDeLis
That’s exactly how I feel, lost and as if I’ve took the wrong turn, this isn’t me, this hasn’t happened to me feeling.
I have moments where I can concentrate on TV, I like coronation street, I think my brain allows me to watch corrie as it’s constantly thinking about my Martin so it gives me a break from grieving. I too couldn’t watch, read or do anything for 2 months.
I’ve started walking again as I haven’t been motivated the past two weeks to do it. I have open fields with footpaths that’s quite nice to walk. Do you go out for a walk.
It’s good to hear you have moments you can feel you concentrate longer on TV, reading and other things you do. Grief is like that for us at the moment, a rollercoaster, its unpredictable isn’t it day by day. We keep trying to climb the mountain don’t we.
Sending you a hug
Amy x
I’m 6.5 months on and still can’t read a book, walk and enjoy. I look across at the beauty I used to feel when I was happy and It just isn’t there. He’s gone and I miss him so much. But, I’m moving on slowly, like a snail trudging along hoping I will find my happy bubble because after all, that is what my husband loved about me, my ability to be happy and joyful. Loss takes so much x Our lives have been truly truly shaken. LOVE TO ALL X
I took the plunge yesterday and got my hair cut. Hairdresser comes to the house so knew my husband well. She was so upset too at his loss. First 15 mins we both just sat and cried. I also cried after the haircut - I always asked my husband’s opinion and we had decided on the style during the first lockdown. He loved me for me as no one else ever can or will ever again. Just cannot believe he is not here to see it, cannot believe he is not here full stop.
yesterday was a holiday in Hong Kong. My daughter spend the evening with me dining out(she rarely does that); that was a bit of joy for me but although we did chat happily, deep in my mind I was sad that my wife was not there. We should be having a great time together but everything became despairs. It’s so hard: most days are bad days, for the better days I felt sorry she is not here to share with me. O this sorrow is never ending…it’s torture
With time this pain will lose its sharp edge. But it will be quite some time before this happens. Can you try to remember those loving, caring good times and maybe share them with your family? Your daughter must be sad also. I just hope that you don’t feel so lonely, you are amongst friends here.
I too need my hair doing, but dread it, first person I always asked if it looked ok when it had been done was him😥
Thanks Robette. You are very kind.
Me and my wife used to spend hours chattering everyday. Now I have no body to talk to when I get home(except my daughter she has dinner with me for about 30min). Therefore I post here and vent my feeling. Sometimes I get response, sometimes I don’t. But friends on this forum have been my lifeline at this stage of my grieving…the loneliness is still unbearable, but I do feel better.
It’s just about 3 months since my wife left. I was still haunted by flash back of her sufferings near the end. The joyous moments we shared cause a lot of heartache at this stage. I hope it will get better some day.
Stay safe…take care