Angiejo1 I’m sure I will ALWAYS carry the emptiness and sense of loss in my heart. The closeness of growing up and growing together that I had with David is something that I treasure and miss. I too wait until we meet again and in the meantime I look forward to the day when I can talk about him without crying after the first short sentence… Thank you for sharing.
As Christmas gets closer I burst into silent tears at almost any time. My daughter is very good, she understands that although it doesn’t always do any good to be alone, I personally need some quiet time. Both she and our son have supported me despite feeling the huge loss of their father themselves. Because we were such opposites I no longer have reason to buy things such as a stand pie , mince pies and the staple tin of chocs, all of which David in particular, loved. I am having to force myself to put up the Christmas tree, I don’t want to and I will have no visitors over Christmas so on Christmas eve I will feel even more sad and alone. Christmas day will be spent at our daughter’s house but Boxing day will see me back on my own as our son’s mother-in-law died but a few days ago. David passed away in June. I hope everyone here has a peaceful Christmas, I doubt it will be merry but I myself will settle for peaceful. Love to all who are left behind…
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I’ve sent a New Year’s greeting to my lovely angel soulmate. Six months after his death the pain is just as bad, his clothes still where he left them. Love you till the end of my days but would love to be able to talk about you without crying. Maybe one day…
bjane, hope 2021 brings both you and I, reasons to smile again. In fact I hope it gives everyone here a reason to smile at some point. So as well as looking back at what we had together, I think I may try to look forward as I know my David would be doing were he here with me…
Hello Robette have been thinking about you over Christmas but didn’t want to pester you. I’ve been wondering how you’re getting on and hoping you were managing. Well at least we’ve done it, got through Christmas and now New Year’s Eve so let’s do as you say and try to look forward as Malcolm
and David would have done. Sending you love and a smile x
And a smile back to you on this first, crisp morning of 2021. We can learn to cope, we can look ahead a little, we know that we will never forget. We’re Yorkshire women and our men folk would be proud of us xxxx
Yep, we’re not Yorkshire women for nothing! And I think they definitely would be proud of us, onward and upwards! Keep that smile going xxxx
bjane I lost my smile and returned to grieving. It now feels worse than ever because his death is further away. I cannot support our son and daughter as I ought to be doing and so have decided to contact my GP for help. I cannot talk about David without crying and I so miss his physical presence, something as simple as linking arms or him pushing the supermarket trolley. I know that no amount of therapy will replace this but I want to learn how to get through the rest of my life without it. I still have his suits, shirts and in fact all his clothes, carefully looked after and in his wardrobe and likewise the toiletries he used. Can’t bear to think of them not being there. I hope you are not as unhappy as I am, that you have some emotional peace and some mental wellbeing and I have just realized that you are close to your first year. Thinking of you and wishing you only good things. xx
Hi I’m sorry for your loss sorry for butting in but I could have written what you just wrote it’s 10 months since I lost my husband and struggling I have just contacted my GP whom referred me for counselling and prescribed a sleeping tablet. I don’t normally take medication but lack of sleep made me exhausted. I lost my husband to cancer when diagnosed to late his bowel ruptured lasting 3 days. I also have a son and daughter to whom I should be looking after but the other way round was actually my son whom contacted the GP. Like you I have all Micks processions still where they are. Take care know how you feel x
Kim5. Thank you for taking the time to tell me about yourself. I will be contacting my GP when the surgery opens tomorrow morning. I feel as though I am going backwards rather than forwards and I also feel emotionally raw all the time. It is good to hear from someone who has found help for these things we struggle with. xx
I hope it helps you whatever support is offered take care xx
Robette and Kim, have just seen your messages and am so sorry you are both so sad. Yesterday I too had a terrible day, it was exactly 9 months since Malc died and I was inconsolable all day even though I haven’t usually found these dates particularly bad, at least not worse than any others have been. I wonder if it is the combination of our loss and the lockdown isolation that’s causing such bleakness and making us so helpless in our quest to try and get on with life without them.
It’s awful feeling like we’re going backwards but I think we’re going to have to accept that we’ll have these really bad times and try and ride out the storm if we can and accept whatever help we can, medication , counselling , whatever it takes. I hope you manage all right tomorrow with your GP Robette and I’m glad that you’re getting help KimT Thank you for your kind thoughts Robette, I really hope you manage to start being a little more settled, I won’t say happy. At least we can hold each other’s hands virtually and try and get through this together. Sending love and hope xxxx
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bjane. The last thing in Pandora’s box. I sometimes think that I’ve missed the chance of holding onto it xxx
Dear Robette, hope you get on all right today. Thinking about you , sending a hug xxx
As I sit here, smiling at my David’s photograph, I say out loud, " It’s not that I’m getting used to missing you, it’s that I’m getting used to being lonely ". And I think it is. I will always miss my better half. I miss him sat at the other side of the sofa, reading a book whilst I watch some Scandi Noir on the television or catch up. I miss him in so many ways and not hearing his voice is a heavy weight I will carry all my days. But I think that I am becoming accustomed to the loneliness and sleep stops all the heartache. So to everyone here, sleep tight tonight xxx
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Know what you mean Robette, the loneliness and lack of his presence , becomes a very sad way of life. You sleep tight too, and everyone else on here x
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Take care bjane. xxx
I find myself torn nowadays. When I stay at home I seem to hide myself away. Then I go over to our daughter’s, who is in my bubble, and for a short while I am transported back to when David was alive, we were slightly younger and with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. And it feels as though David has just popped out and will return later. I know this is not the case but for a short period of time I am free from pain. I still cry but then so does our son and daughter and getting over David dying is an ongoing lifetime thing for me. Nine months after seeing him collapse and holding him until he quietly slipped away, I feel, some days, as though I have not been able to move on at all… Sometimes, though, I find myself laughing and joking with our family and I know that David would be laughing also were he there. I also believe that he would be happy that I can smile and laugh a little because he was someone who loved life. And I love him. Always will. 1967 to 2020. My life. My love…
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Hello Robette
I’ve been reading all your posts, they are heart breaking, I can hear how much pain you are in.
I lost my partner 2 months ago to covid he was only 56.
I’ve cried every day and I just feel so scared as the pain is so difficult to live with, today has been really bad, Ive been shaking and panicking, my legs feel like jelly, I get scared knowing he’s not coming back to me.
I sometimes have bad thoughts as I honestly feel I cannot go on without him.
I have my boys still at home with me, their in their early twenties, but the house is empty, quiet and Im so l9nely without him.
He is on my mind24/7. I can’t concentrate, I’m washing up crying, hoovering crying, making tea crying. It’s all to much this unbearable pain and loneliness.
I find comfort in your posts, its almost like your writing them on my behalf…if that makes sense.
Amy x
Cry as much and as often as you need to. Two months is such a short time and the ones who are left behind can make no sense of why they have been robbed of their loved ones. We share our lives with them and to lose them is so painful and heartbreaking. The only thing I have thrown away that was David’s is a bottle of fruit squash that was past it date, everything else is just as it was. Please allow yourself time to mourn. The thought of living the rest of our lives is a daunting prospect but I tell myself that David didn’t want to die so soon after retiring, he loved life and so I am going to try and live life for him. Spring is on it’s way and so I will be waiting for those first flowers and listening for the birdsong. Things he used to do. Only little things but ones he looked forward to. I was always busy with family but now I will watch and listen for David. Two months Amy is a very short time… Grieving will go on for a long time for a lot of us here but put those bad thoughts away and look at what you shared together and know that we are all here for you so you pour your heart out whenever you need to. Take care today.
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