Six weeks and three days since my husband died. I have stopped continually crying and now cry when I try to talk about him, which I would dearly love to be able to do because I still love him so. I must try and sort out the remaining legal issues but for some reason I feel as though I don’t want to, which isn’t like me as I was the one to sort all such things out for both of us. I feel lost and I still want to hold his hand. Like most of us here , my heart aches.
I completely understand where you are. 8 weeks tomorrow I lost my June, I can’t talk about her without tears and feeling so overwhelmed, like I am now. I got the legal and bank stuff sorted quickly, and now I’ve stopped. I have to arrange to collect her (ashes) from the Funeral Director, and cannot sort out whether an Urn or Casket or anything else. Every time I try I just look at a couple and stop.
I too feel lost and like many, am wondering why i’m still here.
The posts on here do help - I dip in and out several times a day - and the people here are so kind and understanding.
Until you lose someone you have no idea of the sadness, loneliness and overwhelming despair that accompanies that loss. We met while at senior school in 1967 and stayed together. We didn’t find out what the prognosis was until the 7th of May and he died on the 30th June. Our children are grown but are going through terrible emotional distress and I feel so selfish when I think that I want to join him, because that’s me being thoughtless. An old friend has posted me some class photos and I find myself longing to go back in time. I don’t seem to do right by myself for doing wrong. And I still love him to bits…
Of course you love your husband to bits. You always will. You have known him nearly all your life and he remains part of you.
I don’t think it’s thoughtless of you to want to join your husband. Many, not all , of us will have had similar thoughts. It stems from being unable to imagine a future rather than not wanting one.
People who haven’t experienced such devastating loss may be judgemental but those of us who have are not. You say you like to talk about your husband so perhaps by posting whenever you want it will help you through those hideously lonely moments. We all try to spare our families further distress and it’s a life saver to be able to offload on this forum.
Keep talking and take care xx
As for Robette, it’s such early days for you since losing June. I didn’t join the forum for several months after my husband died suddenly. I couldn’t have strung two words together such was my despair and confusion.
I still feel overwhelmed and lost and like you dip in and out several times a day. Just knowing others do the same is reassuring.
Take care x
Hi Robette, it’s 3 months for me and I’m crying more now than before. I still haven’t sorted out the legal stuff and haven’t the inclination to do so. I will have to face up to it soon. I used to be a motivated and positive person but now I’m lethargic and negative wandering around the house like a zombie. (And that’s without any medication.) I just miss her so much and can’t fathom out how to cope with the future. It just seems so pointless because she was my motivation for life and now she’s gone. Maybe I need to snap out of this self pity but I don’t know how to. She was my world and I know many of you feel the same about your loved ones.
Sorry Robette for using your thread to moan about myself but my intention was to show that you are not alone and your feelings are quite normal. Take care of yourself. AL x
You are more than welcome. I think we have both lost loved ones who we met when very young. A lifetime of wonderful company, love and friendship now gone. Yes I think we two have a lot in common.
Thank you Jobar, not sure what I get from the site other than real sympathy, closer understanding than from people who haven’t experienced our personal disaster and a feeling that people are nice and do care even whe they’re hurting. I do find that being on here helps me cry a bit and I do feel better when I’m done
Take care all, I do appreciate all of you
Thank you Robette, yes I agree we have a lot in common, sadly it’s mostly grief for the long term loves we have lost and what it has now done to us. I’m considering counselling but don’t know when or if I will get it.
Go and see your GP. Mine put a really caring person in touch with me. I’ve had 4 sessions so far and at the last one we agreed to leave it six weeks with the understanding that if it all got too much for me I would ring them straight away. So do try it, if just for some release.
Al, also try your local Hospice - they were involved with June and after she passed said they would arrange councilling for me - there is a waiting list, but I’m on it.
Thanks Robette, that’s good advice and I’ll seriously think about it.
Thank you Dave for replying but having read your posts I think you might be more in need than me. Stay strong as you can, both of you.
I think you’re right
This year’s Race for Life will see me our daughter and our young grandson, aged 4, doing the 3.1 miles. Last year my lovely husband took us to the park where it was being held, now we are walking for him. It’s almost 3 months since he died. His clothes, shaving kit and in fact everything belonging to him is just where he left it. I have kept his phone going and always will and I look after the aquarium he loved so much. I still cry still love him, miss him and cherish the time we had together. The gaping hole in my life will always be there because he is not but after 3 months there is an acceptance of this, of sorts. October would have seen us married for 49 years and 53 years as boyfriend/girlfriend then man and wife. I may spend the day on my own with a trip to the place he used to go fishing. I never realised that I could be this sad…
What a lovely tribute to your husband. He’ll be in your heads and hearts every step of the way.x
Yes, he will, always.
October is not a good month. David died in June this year and sadly our wedding anniversary is the 9th of October (49 years) and on the 16th October the anniversary of our first date (53 years). My heart feels even heavier. We were informed on the 7th May that due to his aggressive cancer he had just months to live - he died 6 weeks and 2 days later. I will try to get to the pond where he used to go fishing but my heart feels as though it will break.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so devastating to hurt so much. I lost my mum & grandmother when I was young. The grief I felt growing up was bad enough, in June this year I lost my precious son suddenly. He was 22, my heart aches & I have no idea how I’m going to get through my life without him. Sending love and strength to us all xx
One never expects to outlive ones children. I am so sorry for what must be a devastating loss. Yes, we must find the strength if not for ourselves then for our loved ones. xxx
An update on the Race for Life 2020. We, my daughter, 4 year old grandson and myself clocked up a little over 6 km and £400. We each wore T-shirts with a photograph of David superimposed front and back. The day had both tears and laughter but we did it for Team David!