Really finding it hard today had a phone call asking for my husband had to tell them he has passed away and then i get a letter in the post for him and now i find myself keep crying all the time
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@Kel2 You sound very much like me, I am not very social, me & my partner had our own bubble & like you we were only apart when she was at work; we literally did everything together and enjoyed our own company. Literally the only time we slept apart (in the 23 years we were together) was for two weeks when she had to look after her mother after a hysterectomy but saw each other in the days. This is such a surreal feeling & I can’t accept I will never see her again!! Been really struggling the last two days, things seem to be getting worse & I’m so frightened, don’t know what I can do.
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@sue11 thats the worse part, all the reminders of your beloved that trigger you off but keep the tears flowing they say you need to do this! Peace & love 
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Hi @Nick22 … Just realised you’re in the “Essex” area … I am too … slightly further than Colchester
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I must say I’ve felt much the same as you. I lost my husband 16 month ago. Nothing in this life is the same. I don’t care if any think happens to me. I even cancelled my mammogram because I’m sick to death of cancer. Could not face it. I think when you lose your soul mate it’s very hard to face each day. Life is cruel it seem they take the best. Ring McMillan up for advice. They are so so good if you have money worries, they may advise you where to go keep strong. It’s is not easy
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Morning Emz x
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
There are so many of us on this page that can help you whenever you need a chat.
It really doesn’t seem it but you really aren’t alone.
It really is a nightmare that we are going through but trust me talking is really the best medicine & I’m always here to when you want to.
I really couldn’t have done without this marvelous Sue Ryder page & iv been helped with the most caring people on here even though they are going through it themselves.
I lost dad before Christmas and I really didn’t think I could go on and alot of the times still don’t.
It’s the most unbearable pain.
My sister has started going to the
Wellbeing classes
Each week, it isn’t much but even if that’s hard to manage they can help you in so many other ways.
Sending you the biggest hugs and much love
Please don’t be or feel alone, were here to help xxxxx
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@Kerry1.1 thank you for your support & I’m so sorry for your loss. The last few days have been bad for me, I just can’t come to terms with fact I’ll never do anything ever again with her & It kills me as we literally did everything together; don’t think I’ll ever get over that xx
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I totally understand.
It’s as if your brain can’t take in that they have really gone then the reality sets in.
Please don’t think your alone and youv noone to turn to because we’re here for you, giving you all the support and help we can.
It’s so much better speaking to someone who’s gone through the same heartache as yourself
Much love and hugs
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@Emz I am sorry you’ve had a few extra bad days.
I completely understand how you feel. My baldy and I did everything together - I’m really struggling to do things, seem to find days are getting harder.
I am grateful for still having my boys (the ducks) - think they’re the only reason I am still here - but it’s not the same. I need my Baldy. I feel so alone and at a complete loss.
This community really does help. Always here for eachother and.
I’m more than happy to lend an ear when ever you need it.
Sending you a huge hug x
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That’s exactly how I feel.
My wife and I did everything together.
We were never happier than when it was just the two of us.
Now I feel completely lost.
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My mother wanted to go into town, I drive her as I’m the only one who can drive so I thought I’d be brave & pop in a shop but I couldn’t wait to get back in the car & now I can’t stop crying, I really don’t want to live this life without her!!
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I’ve had to go out on a Monday morning for counseling ( have 2 sessions left) I hate it, hate going out… At least I suppose the relief is, it’s not somewhere hubby would’ve been.
I have had to drive my mum to the supermarket (she doesn’t drive & if my brother hasn’t taken her) I say we will do this on the Mondays. She goes into one supermarket while I’m having counseling and then I have taken her to the main one - I wait in the car. She will pick up a couple bits for me (milk, greens, peas & sweetcorn for the boys) … When she gets back to the car she asks why Ive been crying?
The car I’m driving is my husband’s - it broke my heart having this and his personal plate changed into my name. I don’t want him thinking I’ve forgotten him… Breaks my heart getting into the car and he’s not there.
Many do it understand the struggles to attempt to go out. We did everything together, only time apart was when either of us were at work … But the last 3 years I have worked from home so we got to spend more time together… Now I’m home alone (with exception to the boys… But it’s not the same)
I can’t watch TV, haven’t since losing him.
I have the radio on the TV for a bit of background noise - but also to listen in the hope they play ‘our song’ - it does start me off, but also feel a tiny bit of comfort when it’s playing.
I have plans to create a memory box with certain things of his I want to keep safe.
I’m going to get a chain so I can wear his wedding ring with me at all times.
I have also created a tribute page to him online (was recommended to me by ‘Cruse’ - it’s a free tribute site) … Not got far with it, but I add when I’m up to it. It allows you to ‘write’ to them … Which I do (also have a note pad purely for me to write to him when I’m really struggling. He’s the only one I could truly open up to, so I write to him - it helps a little). I have his page private, so only I have access - but you can set it to public of you would like others to add to it. X
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Oh @Kel2 how do we get through this horrendous life we’ve found ourselves in! Do you find the counselling is any good; a few have told me to go & I was thinking about it?
It’s ironic I can’t listen to the radio only the tv, think the tv is more for company & sound. I always had the radio on when I was in the car but now I can’t listen to it, my partner loved music & was excellent at know the artists and groups so don’t know if that could be the reason?
That’s a beautiful idea for a memory box & the tribute page, could you please give the link to that because I know her best friend would love that as well?
We had got engaged a few years ago but never around to actually getting married which is a big regret now, we both had engagement rings & i’m thinking about getting hers resized for myself to wear as my commitment to her until we meet again (may sound crazy to some) xx
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@Emz … Sorry you didn’t manage to get married, but then you don’t need that to know the special bond you both have/had with eachother. Resizing her engagement ring so you can wear it sounds nice.
The website to create a tribute page is: www.muchloved.com
I think the radio is the only thing we did that I can have as a constant. We used to have it on in the evenings, he started to want background noise when he went to bed.
The TV - there are so many things we watched together and would talk about, they’re left unfinished.
The snooker recently, we would watch that - I couldn’t face it. Even his mum said she wasn’t able to watch it.
This will sound crazy, I have the radio on to listen out for something specific. When it was time that I had to leave the hospital after he passed, I turned the TV off that had the radio on. I then turned it back on (thinking I’m not leaving him in silence, he can still listen to it) as soon as I switched it on I heard in the silly voice he did - my nickname he called me? I turned round straight away to look at him (thinking he’s not gone) sadly no movement, looked at the TV - still a blank screen. About 3minutes later my mum came back in the room (I asked her to find someone to stay with him so I wasn’t leaving him on his own) the radio came on …
So was it a sign from him? … Or was there a delay on the TV screen coming on, but radio was on and it was an advert? … I have the same station on, not heard it since x
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I am having a real bad morning. Have been crying since 2am - still blaming myself that he is no longer here.
I miss him so much. All I want is to be with him!
What is the point in life now.
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@Kel2 Sorry to hear you’re having a meltdown this morning. We’ve all been there and will go there again and again. I know there’s nothing to say that eases the pain. Big hugs
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Just reading your original post, I’ve very much felt like i want to die and be with my wife since she died in June at the age of 45. She went suddenly and without any warning from heart failure. I’ve not contemplated suicide, for the reason that I think all things are meant to happen and I’ll die whenever the natural time comes. Like you I thought we would have a long life together, and at the age of 59 I never thought she would die before me and so young. We were only married for 6 years but knew each other for 18. We got a puppy in the months before she died, and he has very much kept me going through these months. I can’t say yet that it gets any easier with time, but what keeps me going is the belief that one day I’ll be with her again. The one positive to come from this is that any fear I had of dying has disappeared since she passed on. And that last gift from her I think will stay with me and hopefully help me to complete the rest of my life on Earth without her.
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Thank you @Kel2 for the link. I very much think that was him especially if you heard your nickname!
I’m like you today really feeling bad, I so wish I had taking her to the hospital earlier because she would have been here now & I wouldn’t be going through this agonising pain that we all have to suffer but I’ll regret that until the day I die! xx
@Phil1 I like you have lost the fear of dying, wish for it now so I can be with her. I believe we have to go the natural way otherwise they may not put me with her & I so want that xx
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I am hurting so much today. At a complete loss.
Like you I have no fear of dying, personally it can’t come soon enough for me. The boys (ducks) are the only reason for me still being here.
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Feeling everything you’re all saying , unbearable pain , I’m still watching my partner die , hoping to get him home Tuesday . Don’t want to carry on without him here , lost a lot of him already , he’s fading away . Massive meltdowns and panic attacks . I won’t cope when it happens , I want to go with him . I hate this life , I hate hearing and seeing people laughing , having ‘happy lives’ , it breaks my heart that this happens to people xx
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