Had another day so full of sadness as I pine for my mother, it really is horrendous going though this awful reality every single day.
I just miss her so much, I miss her voice, I miss her laughter, I miss her smile and kind eyes but most of all I miss her just being there.
I’d do absolutely anything to have a cuddle from her right now, really am struggling to get through this pain and heartache 
Hi Jess, today I would have skipped work & taken my lovely mum for a knickerbocker glory in the sunshine. In reality, I spent the day with my cat, again.
I have put the house up for sale, I can see her in every room, I can see her where she passed in the bedroom, I can’t stand it.
I am back at work on Monday, just mornings to begin, I cannot imagine what this will feel like.
Sending you a huge hug, please know you are not alone xxx
The main manager at my place emailed me to suggest a phased return to work sick note and said my manager would ring to arrange some hours for me, after I had put in another sick note for 4 weeks.
Wasn’t expecting my manager to call today with having 4 weeks left on the note, I let it go straight to voicemail cause I couldn’t deal with it right now. She asked me to call her back but I can’t seem to do it just yet.
I just wish that I could hide away forever, I honestly don’t want a part in this new life.
And that must be hard selling the house im sorry I’m not sure what more to say.
My manager was messaging me asking me to call her, I told her I did not want a conversation there was no point. I just keep repeating the same things to her, I am heartbroken, what more does she need to know?
We only moved here in October, it was not my choice as it’s a new build but after we had both had cancer mum wanted something easy to live in that we could lock up and leave whilst we travelled. I had booked the Ghan in October, Darwin to Adelaide, trip of a lifetime. The complete and utter irony.
I don’t know what they expect to be honest, I don’t know what good I’ll be at work anyway cause I know for a fact I’ll be breaking down all the time.
Why can’t they be a better bereavement leave, all I got was 3 days and since then I’ve been getting ssp and losing a lot of money but right now money isn’t important to me right now cause my mental health is seriously suffering.
Why is life so cruel as well, like we aren’t allowed to make positive plans and things to look forward to. I’m sorry that you are also going through this. And I’m sorry that you had cancer just seems so unfair.
I often wonder what the point in all this is to be honest
Jess, how are you doing x
I’m doing the best I can with coping but I am missing my mum so much, thank you for thinking about me, how are you doing? I got put on prozac but have decided to come off them cause I’m pretty sure they’re making me worse
Thinking about you. I am back at work tomorrow, going to just try the morning.
I understand about the Prozac, I had zopiclone for sleeping & I won’t have any more.
Sending love x
Thank you sweet, I don’t seem to have a problem sleeping it’s just how sad and anxious I feel when I’m awake, in fact I am choosing to sleep a lot to avoid how I’m feeling, I’m just so miserable and scared about the future x
‘Robins appear when loved ones are near.’
@Jess1 how are you doing? Have you any meds to help at all? I do hope you are getting through the days ok x
Hey daisy, I’m currently taking beta blockers and they certainly take the edge off my anxiety attacks!
I am getting through the days but feel like I’m climbing a mountain every single day.
Some days I feel just okay then other days, I feel so emotional and miss my mum so much.
She never leaves my thoughts and I don’t think she ever will.
I’ve been given another month off work but I think I’m going to have to go back on a phased return once my sick note runs out.
My manager seemed annoyed at me for telling her I’d be putting in another note though. She replied saying “trust me you’re better off coming back to work cause it gives you something else to focus on”. In what world am I going to have anything else to focus on during my time of grieving 
she did say on the end of the text to take care so maybe she didn’t mean any harm.
But I can’t stand when people tell me to go back to take my mind off things cause I’ll never stop missing her!
No one can know how you personally feel because she was your mum not theirs. I am finding a phased return exhausting; the reality is I have ended up doing much more than I wanted. I had a meltdown in Sainsburys of all places, I am struggling to even go to the places mum went to, I hope this will get easier, if not, can see myself moving away.
Just do what you need to do x