I recently lost my big brother to a tragic accident whilst he was out hiking, he was my hero, the one that looked out for me, the one i went to for support, he was always there for me. If i needed to speak to anyone it was him, always him. My heart feels so empty now he isnt here. I know life will never be the same again, but how do i cope with him not around. I have no one to turn to anymore.
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Hello Rach92, I am so sorry for your loss. I think your brother and mine had a lot in common. (My brother died of a sudden heart attack in February 2022 at the age of 73 years and 5 months. I am 70.) He was much more than a brother to me. He was also like a father and friend. (Our father went to sea and was hardy ever at home.) My brother taught me so many things that my father should have done. - None of my friends had such a good relationship with their brother like I had. - From what you wrote, I assume that your relationship with your brother was not much different than mine. - I know we cannot turn back the clock but I wish we could. I would give anything for it. - I too am the only one of my family now. It makes it a lot harder for us now, but we will manage.
It is because we had such a good relationship with our brothers that we have to suffer so much now. - I am not a good writer, but I will answer if you write something.
Please take care and think of the good moments you had together. Thinking of you - Nick
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Hi, thank you for replying to me. Yeh he’s the one who brought me up, my dad left when i was a baby, And he’s the one that taught me everything. He was only 3 years older than me too, my mum was hardly there so he’s the one that looked after me. And even to this day he was looking after me or giving me life advice. Im 30 and he’s 33. Its just the sudden shock of it, that he isnt around anymore. You just never think anything like this would ever happen. Sometimes i forget he’s gone and i go to ring his phone and then rememeber just before i press call. Its just so hard to digest it.
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Hello Rach92, after I retired, I spent the whole day at my brother’s house. He did the cooking. We had all the meals together and even a little whiskey together in the late afternoon. My mother and brother always wanted me to teach me drinking whiskey. - well, I have learned it now. I just had one. Just a small one for my sore throat, excuses excuses.
We used to drive around the countryside and visited all the manor houses we could find, until COVID came. I often wonder what would have happened if COVID had never come. My brother worried much more than I did. Well, I will never know. - It is a shame that not all siblings are as close as we were. An old friend from the 50s told me that he was never as close to his brother as I was. He was even grieving more for my brother than for his own.
I think you and I were lucky that we had such a good relationship with our brothers. Perhaps we can draw some strength from that. - I hope you are OK. Take care. - Nick
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Evening, looks like you have fond memories with your brother, ones you can cherish and remember. Yeh i suppose we can take the fact that we had a good relationship with our brothers as a positive. And just to remember the memories we have of them in helping to cope with them not being around anymore. Hopefully one day i will learn to cope with him not being around.
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Hi Rach92, I just wanted to say hello and check if you are OK. (Sorry it took so long.)
How are you? - It looks as if we are getting better weather now. - I hope you go for walks in the sun because we all could do with some extra Vitamin D. (I do take extra vitamin D tablets because most of our skin is covered during the colder months.) - I hope you are OK, - Nick
Hiya, im getting there, i have good days and bad days, i hope youre ok ?.
Yes the weather is getting alot better. Im currently in training to do the 3 peaks in july in memory of my brother and for charity and im also training to do an half marathon too, Keeping me busy and my mind focusing on something else instead of just sitting at home getting upset
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Hello Rach92, I am happy that you are getting better. (There might be some more ups and downs, but you will get there.)
I looked it up, “3 peaks” and half marathon? - I am happy for you, and I take my hat off. - My longest ever run was a 10km cross country run in 1973. I was in the army at that time. (Being drafted did spoil the fun.) - I am not feeling so well at the moment but I will get better soon. I put my back out lifting a box with some cat food the other day. I also hurt my right knee. A big dog ran into me here in the park. (I am on some pain killers and anti inflammatory pills at the moment.) My back is getting better now, but my knee will take a bit more time. Take care, - Nick
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Good afternoon, sorry i didnt reply sooner been a little busy recently, the training is going as best as it can be just with work commitments it gets hard some days to get out. Im not doing too bad, how are you doing ?
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Hi Rach92, you sound a bit down. Do eat and drink enough? - I did read that running (walking for me) reduces anxiety and depression, but do not push too hard. - I had some bad days and my GP did put me on some antidepressants (a serotonin reuptake inhibitor), but I only take half a tablet a day, and I feel much better now. (A complete tablet was too much for me. Could not think.) - I think my current GP is the best I ever had. He cares. Not easy to find these days. - How are you coping with your job? Can you concentrate? I hope you get enough sleep. Also, look out for your energy level and don’t overdo it. - It was good to hear from you again. Take care, - Nick
Hi Rach92, I just read on the Mayo Clinic website that the medication I take “CitalopramI” can give you some unpleasant side effects “Serotonin syndrome”. Severe serotonin syndrome can be life-threatening. I have Tremors since I started taking medication and it is one of the serious signs. (It’s a shame because it helped me with my depression.) I will stop taking the medication until I have spoken to my GP. - I just wanted to warn you in case you are contemplating to get the medication for your GP. - Take care, Nick.
Hi nick, hmm i wouldn’t say i eat and drink enough, very hit and miss to be honest. And no i can’t really concentrate at work, just getting by really. I do actually sleep very well. I just struggle to get out of bed if im honest with you. Oh that’s not good!. Have you stopped taking them now then?
Speak soon.
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Hi Rach92, I hope you are well as can be. Sorry for answering so late, I had some bad days.
The symptoms you wrote about are common. I have them too. I hope you talk to friends. Are you eating well? You can ask me the same next time. I have not eaten well either the last few days. My neighbour always tells me off.
I am lucky that I still have my brother’s little cat Tammy. She sleeping next to me right now. (Two of my brother’s cats and my cat Fluffy have died during the last 17 months. Jack was poisoned and Fluffy had kidney failure. I am not sure what Tommy died of but it could also have been poison. - I was told that some people put out poison in the nearby park to kill the foxes. - I love them and feed them!)
I want to get off the tablets gradually. I am down to a quarter of a tablet right now and the tremors are virtually gone. - I was subscribed Gabapentin (Neurontin) for my back pain in 2019. I took them for several months and wanted to come off them again. But, I made the mistake coming off them abruptly and ended up in hospital. I could not even get out if the car without 4 people helping me.
How is the training going?
I hope you can enjoy the rest of the weekend - Nick
Hi, i know how you feel, because im currently having bad days too.
Hmm, yeah ive got really close to my brothers girlfriend so we do speak alot.
I did have a dog, which i shared with my brother but my dog died the same time my brother died in the tragic accident. Oh dear, i sure hope you’re ok.
Ive not trained in a few days, due to me being bad at the minute. Really struggling.
Take care nick, speak soon
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Hi Rachel, sorry for the late reply.
I hope you feel better than I do at the moment. I have not been so well the last few days but I still have my brother’s little cat Tammy, we cuddle all the time (hours and hours). I do not know what I would do without her. - My migraine seems to get better now. - I will get another jab the next few days. In 2021 I blamed the jab for my migraine, but cannot do it now.
I am ever so happy for you getting closer to brother’s girlfriend. Try to talk to her as often as you can, she will also benefit from it. I know talking about your brother is hard, but is important.
My neighbour and I have been shopping today and we also stopped at the local St Helena Hospice charity shop for tea and cake. (I wanted to do it for a long time now.) We (I) talked about my brother but I ended up talking of an uncle of mine who passed at a young age. (He was much younger than I was.) - It is strange how our brain works. I have no idea why I talked about him, he passed in 1985. I guess my brain just took a different path so I would not talk about my brother. And here I go again now. I have some music on and it reminds me of something but cannot place it right now. Perhaps it was something my brother used to play.
What I cannot understand why my brother talked about a peace of music he wanted me to play on his funeral. It was several months before he passed and I ignored it because I did not want to talk about it. He was absolutely OK at that time. He never said anything about bad health. I wish we could go back in time to change things. - Why did I not ask? - Would it have changed anything? - I will never know.
I just looked at some weather data and wish we would get some better weather now like Hamburg, Germany. They will get 22C on Saturday the 20th and 24C on Sunday - (26C on Monday, perhaps not so good). London will get 20C on Monday the 22nd and 19C where I live. - It would really good for our mood. We need something to look forward to. We also need some change. - I also wish we would not have to put the heating on all the time. (A lot of wishes today. - One more wish for today.)
I wish you many good dreams and days - Nick.
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Hi nick, so sorry it’s been a while. Its been a tough couple of months, i spread my brothers ashes last month so as you can imagine i haven’t been very good.
Im glad you have your brother’s cats. I bet it gives you a little comfort.
How are you doing now?
Take care
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Hi Rach92,
I hope you feel better soon. The current weather probably makes you feel worse too at the moment. Just take a day at the time. It might still take several month until you feel better. (I am several months ahead of you. - It is 17 months now.) I found that comparing symptoms on a day or weekly bases does not work but I can see improvements if compare a days with days from three months ago. I have made good progress but it still gets me from time to time. I joined the local social club where I have a meal each Tuesday. The food is good and I enjoy talking to others.
I hit a low at the moment and I am back on antidepressants again. I am selling my bungalow in about two or three weeks now. It is a lot more stress now but I have no choice. My brother’s cat Tammy is bit confused but I hope she will be better when I move into my brother’s house.
My brother’s ashes are still on a book shelf right next my mother’s ashes. I will decide what to do when my head gets a bit better.
Will tell you more about the social club the next time. - I am sorry for not answering sooner. If you feel down or just want to talk, I will be here.
Take care, - Niko (most people call me Nick.)
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Hello to you both firstly I’m sorry that you both have found yourselves on hear and am sorry for the loss of your brothers. I lost my brother to a sudden heart attack alone in his car…it still seems so unreal i have to really check in with my mind that it has really happened…we we’re very close and i think some people don’t understand a good sibling relationship 
i miss him every single day i hope you are both getting some support xx
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