I think that the last words of my post were the most important. ‘The important thing is to do it in your minds’.
I was not for one moment suggesing that you fall over backwards to make amends for any hurt done. Yes, people can be cruel, heartless and unforgiving.
But it’s true that what we give we receive. Give love and it’s returned. The same applies to hate, envy and resentment. Apart from a few silly remarks I have met with nothing but kindness since my wife died. Perhaps I am just lucky. Some so called friends have dropped away and I have made new ones.
The point I was trying to make was that holding on to resentment, which is another form of hate, does us no good psychologically. We are all in emotional pain, but it can be made far worse and more prolonged if we hold grudges. We do need, for the same reason, to keep away from those who would upset us or cause pain. That’s obvious.
Would anyone drink poison knowing it to be poison? Mental hygiene is as important and physical. If we take poison into our minds, and hate is poisonous, then we must expect the consequences.
There is so much hate in the world without us adding to it. What goes on in the microcosm of our minds is released into the macrocosm of the world. WE are the world. Not someone out there. ‘They’, the people we always blame when we run into trouble.
Yes of course, we are all different and will react in different ways. But do we hold on to resentment as a means of obscuring our deeper emotions that may frighten us? It’s a lot easier to hate than to love. ‘Look after number one’. Maybe! But we have to trust someone. The postman to bring our mail, the binman, the doctor, the paramedics when we need them. No one can ever live in isolation. But to live in a permanent state of resentment can never be good for anyone’s well being.
In our country there are many forgotten elderly people living in isolation and by themselves, it is heartbreaking knowing some are terrified of turning on their heat for fear of escalating bills so suffer of the cold - and have been known to die of hypothermia…I agree, in this day and age this should never be happening but sadly it does happen…they are the forgotten few…and they say their is help out there, well just try and get it, the rigmarole of form filling, the personal questions that are asked, proof of our finances etc etc… only to be told you dont qualify…
You are not a horrible person, Kate, you are kind and compassionate.
Hi Sheila the saying that comes to mind “he knows the price of everything,and the value of nothing” so sad he can’t see what is important and has real value, like love empathy kindness and understanding, I think it is the society we live in nothing is valued like it was not even relationships take care Jan x
To those of you that are having such a tough time with selfish offsprings or family members, change your will and leave everything to a charity. My daughter has also forgotten me apart from asking me to send her some money to Spain a few weeks after Brian died, Since then not a word although I was in hospital in the summer having an op. My will now hardly mentions her and as for Brian;s daughters they have been written out altogether. They wasn’t happy about Brian not including them in his will now they get nothing now at all. My son has been no better so he’s way down the list also however family members that have been there for me will be generously rewarded.
I hope I’m not a nasty person but I too don’t forgive easily. xxx
Pat…
… I would be happy to do this to Richards family as they dont know yet but they only get from his will AFTER i have died…I dont intend on changing his-our will as i am respectful that Richard did put me first, left all to me, i will respect his wishes, i owe him that…after all he was a provider to me from day one that we met and during our 20 years together, and he is still providing for me at his death, this is what a good man he is-he was…
So hard talking of Richard in past tense, i keep posting he IS rather than he WAS, as if he is still here with me, if only…
Jackie…
good on you Pat.
ive not actually finalised my will yet.i so wished I could of been kept involved with Jaynes nieces and nephews but alas its impossible with the nastiness of
the family.i intend to leave anything I have to all my nieces and nephews and my Daughter and grand daughter .and im going take pictures of all Jaynes jewellery and watches and leave specific items to specific people.
In my life ive forgiven many a time alas the love of my life Jaynes family have shown such hate to me and very little respect or love to Jayne that even if hell freezes over I could never forgive them.
I will not be bullied or forced in any way shape or form to change my mind.and I do not hate these nasty specimens I just do not like them.
regards
ian
Hi Jackie, know what you mean, I felt so terrible having to write Brian’s daughters out of the will but I really tried to talk to them but could make no contact. I presume I’m doing them a favour by not including them then they won’t have to have anything to do with me again. Brian also left all to me but then I had to write a new will.
Pat xxx
Thank you Mary, I appreciate your comments. Xx
Safely Home - Unknown
I am home in heaven, dear ones;
Oh so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.
Did you wonder how I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade?
Oh, but Jesus’ love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade.
And he came himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus’ arm to lean on,
Could I have one doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still;
Try to look beyond earth’s shadows,
Pray to trust our Father’s will.
There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand;
Do it now, while life remains,
You shall rest in Jesus’ land.
When that work is all completed,
He will gently call you home;
Oh, the rapture of that meeting,
Oh, the joy to see you come!
Hello to all it concerns. Alan and i left mirrored wills. Because he died first everything is left to me and vice versa if i had gone first. When i die our house will be sold and split 3 ways, between my 2 sons who alan raised from them being 7 and 8 years old and our son. The rest of any estate we leave will be didvided 5 ways between the above 3 and alans son and daughter. The reason his 2 children were left out of the proceeds of house sale is because they benefit from alans house from his first marriage. I have thought as suggested by a few of you to not leave anything to any of them. But as much as we have been let down by them over the years and continue to let me down, i would hate to go against alans wishes as the wills were made between us. I have found out since alan died that they are trying to do away with mirrored wills as they say they are a dangerous thing , as apparentely he or i could have changed them at any time without the other persons permission or even knowing about it. I wouldn’t change them anyway as i feel i would be letting alan down, but it grieves me to think the money will be used by some of them for drink and drugs. All alans and my hard work over the years. We also had a funeral plan which we had paid for and when alan died i was told i didn’t have to use it on his i could save it for mine. I said no way they can take mine out of my estate and i won’t be around to see what sort of funeral they would give me so they can dispose of me how they wish. Stood to them it probably won’t be much of one anyway. I have paid for my ashes to go alongside alans with a tree i’m having planted in his memory. Janet x
Janet…
… i feel the same as you, or rather you feel the same as me…when mine and my Richards wills were drawn up together, he put me first before his family but it was stipulated on us still being together, if we had split through the years it would have gone between his and my family…as the wills state, i get everything, it is only when i die his family-my family get the share, and i will not tamper with it no matter what as it would be disrespectful and going against my Richards wishes, he put me first, and i shall forever be very grateful to him that he done that…
Mind you by the time i up-route to move, hopefully i will get back home, or at least nearer to home, i cant guarantee how much of this money will still be around as i have to live, and only God knows for how long that will be, so there might not be much money left in the pot for his family anyway, i have already helped my daughter out by paying directly to her housing a large amount of my Richards money to keep the bailiffs away and her from being evicted, the rest now is up to her…
I wish my Richard knew that i had no help whatsoever from his family, his sister( age 83 nine years older than Richard ) and not one Christmas invite to go stay with them over the Christmas as i had told her over the phone ( on the once only phone call from her to tell me she had received the cheque and its paying in book i had posted to her which was the money from a trust fund for his nieces and nephew’s now in their 50’s ) how lonely i am without Richard, i have cried every day since i lost him, coping with my MS illness and my isolation ) his sister had her chance to say i would be welcome to stay with them for the Christmas, but no she never, so i know what my feelings are about his family…
Jackie…
hi Jackie,
its heart wrenching hearing how Richards family haven’t given you a second thought,why would Richards sister not show a little empathy and love and give you some much needed comfort and support.lord only knows were some people get there cold hearted attitudes from.was very nice that you helped your daughter out,very sad that she had got herself in that predicament in the first place.hope you get to move sooner rather than later,and that you are able get all the help support and love required to make your life a little better.
warm regards
ian
Following on from the lovely poetry verse that our Mary has posted, thank you MARY…i would like to post this book title again as i have it posted somewhere else on our forum also…the book by Joni Eareckson Tada… Heaven Your Real Home From A Higher Perspective… and hope it will give some form of comfort just like Mary’s piece of poetry above…
In my view, it ( our loved ones ) is in a better place than the place we are in now…and i too am looking forwards in reaching there and seeing all my family and my loved ones, my special loved one again, my Richard…
Jackie…
Ian…
… just noticed your posting, you crept in at the same time i made my posting so i missed seeing your post till after…
Yes i have always been made an outsider, it wasn’t like that from the early years but over the years his sister felt that i was keeping her Richard away from his family…it stems from something in the past where her version and my versions aren’t the same versions, well i know my version took place, i know what was said that made me aware of where they saw me placed in the family…
Anyway as cold as this sounds, i have no qualms that there is nothing coming their way…My Richard always sent a cheque to all his family members on each ones birthday, have to give them their dues, they, his then young nieces and nephews always sent a thank you note which not many nowadays would even think on doing this…so if anything, this is what they will miss the most of him…of course he was loved by all his close family, his only sister, nieces and nephews, there was never any falling outs…but i have been made an outsider, oh i would always get a birthday card from his sister, maybe now, even that will stop coming as i am not seen as part of the family, and more so since Richard is here no more with me, making me a part of his family…
My Richard was my family…
Jackie…
Ian…
…you know what they say…" we can choose our friends but we cant choose our family…" but thankfully we have the right to distance ourselves from them if and when we choose…now that is a blessing…something we have control over…
I remember the silence from his sister when i mentioned to her over the phone that my parkhome is now on the for sale market and my intentions are getting back home, pure silence as if i knew what she was thinking…oh no…
Jackie…
Hi. Sheila.
People disappoint us. There are some I would have expected more of. More understanding and compassion. Friends I have known for years. But Hey Ho!!! I have go to the point where I ask myself does it matter? They go down their path and I mine. The paths may diverge. I do feel, within myself, that I am taking the right path for me. They no doubt feel the same. Are we Angels? Are we always right and everyone else wrong? We say ‘they’ cause problems. But who are ‘they’. The Government, our friends and neighbours, our relatives? Can it be us? But we are all people. Very few don’t have their ‘demons’ to cope with.
Sadly it’s life as it has always been and it’s very doubtful it will change.
Blessings to all.
Pat, you are not a nasty person, your family are reaping what they have sown. x
Hi. Sheila.
Thanks for the reply. Oh yes, I entirely agree about how it used to be. I may be around the same age as you and it was different. The old ‘war time spirit’ was still around. But in recent years a kind of indifference has crept in. I don’t really know why. Is is all the technology? But it’s easy to blame one thing when it may have a lot of causes. Whatever it is it’s certainly not a step in the right direction. Having said that the old rule applies. Where there is one thing it’s opposite will appear. There are so many kind loving people around. I know at times it may not seem like it but I have found it so. We come back again to what is to me a truth. You get back what you give. If people don’t respond to our love then say, ‘fine, I wish you well’ and move on.
I know how difficult this may be for some who feel so hurt and unforgiving. But corrosive emotions like hate, anger and resentment will surely turn in on us and make life more miserable than it already is. Blessings. John.
When I tell younger people that during the summer my mother would go shopping and leave the doors and windows open they hardly believe me. No one ever burgled us. It may be because there was not a lot worth pinching!!
I could help a girl across the street without anyone suspecting me. I would always give my seat up for a lady no matter what age. There was some order in life. Take care. John