Sad, lonely and frightened

Hi everyone. I lost my partner nearly 5 weeks ago and feel the pain is getting worse. I lost my mother over 4 years ago so I’m bracing myself for what is to come. The pain was unbearable then but my partner was my reason for living. The future now is frightening as I feel so alone.
I don’t have family but have good friends. However they all have their own lives and partners and can’t be around as much as I would like. I am getting around 3/4 hours sleep a night and I’m dreading the long day ahead as all my friends are busy. Don’t know how I am going to get through the coming months. Spring and summer were his favourite times. He died of complications following cancer treatment. If there hadn’t been delays in his diagnosis he might not have had to undergo the radiotherapy which destroyed his chest.
Over the last few days I have been reading the messages on this site and know I am not alone with these feelings of despair. Xxx

1 Like

Dear Topsy, I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely not alone and you can vent your feelings on this forum and be sure of great understanding. It is very early days for you. It is almost 20 months since my husband passed and I wish I had something positive to tell you. The truth is that grief is not something to be fixed but it is something we must carry. The feelings of despair will fluctuate, some days very bad and some not so bad. However I can smile, laugh and sing again, even though everything I do is tainted with a sadness. I accept that this sadness is with me for life. My love for my husband continues to grow and I have a relationship with him in death just as I did in life. I simply cannot live without him so I don’t.
Don’t expect too much of yourself Topsy, take each day as it comes, each hour in fact. Shout, scream, cry, do whatever - there are no right or wrongs. Sending love xx


You are certainly not alone Topsy. That in itself makes it even worse. There are so many of us in the same boat that feels like it’s sinking most of the time.

Empty, lonely, frightened, anxious. Just a tiny few of the words used on here by so many, myself included.

I can’t offer you any words that will give you strength or hope unfortunately. I too feel all that you feel. And, I can’t see much if anything ever changing. My life has most definitely changed forever. It’s just 11 days for me and although the reality has already kicked in more than once, it also still feels surreal and like a very bad dream sometimes.

You can be assured we all know how you feel, probably most of us don’t have any answers but all of us will always be here listening x


Thank you very much Kate and cw13 for taking the trouble to reply to me. I really appreciate everything you have both said. Xx

Hi Topsy, I so understand you. My husband of 45 years passed away suddenly and unexpected on 22nd of January. His funeral is in 2 days. He was my everything. He only retired 5 month ago. We’ve had so many plans for spring and summer. Like you I can’t eat or sleep it’s almost a physical constant pain. My son and grandkids have very busy lives. First I have to get Friday over with. I think I have to get some sort of cancelling. Sending a big hug.

Oh Merleen I am so desperately sorry to hear about your husband. I wish I could help you. I really do. Your husband to have been retired for only 5 months is so sad.

Yes the pain is physical. I feel it across my chest and my stomach churns constantly. Like you, my partner and I were looking forward to the spring and summer. In fact, certain thoughts are unbearable. I panic when I think of the future and past memories are now in sharp focus. Happy memories make the pain worse. Throw in lack of sleep and it is a nightmare.

I hope you have good friends who can support you as well as your son and grandkids. I hope you manage to get through Friday and I return your hug. Xx

Thank you very much. We have got a long hard road to walk and need any help we can get. Take care

1 Like

Hello Topsy, you’re not alone, everyone here has or is going through every emotion you ever thought possible. I lost my husband 19th May last year, his funeral was exactly 2 months after we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. I won’t say it becomes easy, it doesn’t. I’ve had two good days since he passed, then today I was back at square one. None of us have the answer, but between us all we have the support, and that’s as much as any of us can give. Please take comfort in knowing we’reall here to help you through these difficult times.

Blessings ☆

Thank you both Merleen and Day at a Time for your kind replies xx

Hi Day I am still in shock my husband collapsed and died of a massive heartache on the 22nd of January his funeral is on Friday the 22nd in a couple of days. When I think about it I feel sick. We were married for 45 years. He retired 4 month ago. We had so many plans come spring and summer. And now nothing just empty chairs. I never lived on my own. My son and my 4 grandkids are lovely but they lead busy lives. I can understand now how people can die of a broken heart. To know that I am not on my own and that there are people going through the same heartache and pain makes me think if they can do I hope I can too. Take care

Dear Merleen. I am so sorry for your loss. There are lots of similarities with our circumstances. My husband too died of a sudden cardiac arrest 20 months ago, a very fit and healthy man up to that point. He used to cycle everyday and had been on a 10 mile cycle ride that fateful day. He too had recently retired, just two and a half months. How cruel life can be. Like you and your husband, our plans gone in an instant. Places to visit, DIY projects - all gone. However, I have continued with the DIY, not quite the same as I had to get somebody in to do it but at least it was planned with my husband - I think he would be pleased.

I do hope the funeral goes as well as these things can. Sending you love xx

Thank you very much. I have to get tomorrow over with. I have to learn how to live on my own. I am greatful for 46 wonderful years. I have to carry on for my son and grandkids. Take care.

Dear Merleen
Thinking of you tomorrow
My husband suffered a sudden cardiac arrest back in July
He was 60 and had been feeling fine
The shock is tremendous
Just take it one bit of the day at a time
Get up . Do the morning
Have lunch . Do the afternoon
Have dinner and do the evening
Then repeat the next day
You will have awful days
It’s unavoidable when you love someone so much and they have gone
The people on this forum are lovely and understand what it’s like to be heartbroken and grief stricken
We all support each other and we will support you
Post whatever you like , whenever you like
Someone will answer
It’s an emotional rollercoaster
Sending a big hug for tomorrow
Romy xxxxx

Dear Romy,
thank you so much for writing to me.
Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day. I am doing on day at the time. I am happiest at home at the moment because I feel still close to him and I feel he is still around. Living on my own will be quiet challenging and frightening. Thank you so much for your support. Take care.

Thinking of you today, Merleen.

Thoughts are with you today Merleen, try to take baby steps, one at a time and you’ll get through it.

Blessings. ☆

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Dear Topsy
Very sorry for your loss. It is a life changing that we were not prepared for . I too lost my darling husband just 3 months yesterday!! i constantly revive his last days of his very short illness. This week i am in my lowest. He was just 60 retiring in March with a lots of plans for our future together finally with no work restrictions.
We were not blessed with children and that makes my pain and loneliness greater than i ever ever imagined.
I have a small but lovely family but they have their lhves to live and own responsibilities. Nothing at present gives me any reason to either live for, move on or smile about. i am desperate to bring back happy memories of our 30 years married to a wonderful, wondetful man but, all i have in front of me are those scaring, confusing, sad and dreadful few weeks.
Dear Topsy you are not alone. Hope you can find some support by writing to these groups. Someone will reply and will tell you …“i know exactly how you feel” “i am going through the very same journey” “so lets try to support eachofher”

Life is very cruel i dont understand it and i am terribly scared too.

Take care xxx

Thank you very much De. It is very kind of you to reply. I know what you mean about not being interested in things. I have coffee/lunch arrangements with friends through the week but evenings and weekends are awful. Even when out with my friends, I’m nervy and my stomach has butterflies. Conversation often turns to their plans/forthcoming holidays and that increases the pain which I hope I manage to hide.
I have never felt like this in my life and I want it to stop.
I didn’t realise how unwell my partner was. I booked a holiday to Lanzarote in early December thinking we would have a nice relaxing time. In reality the heat was too much and he had no energy for walking anywhere. Looking back he was struggling and trying not to show it. It breaks my heart.
I am so sorry you feel so low. I can only hope eventually things won’t be so raw for both of us.