De. Meant to send a hug and xxxx
Dear Marleen
Thinking of you today and the days to come.
Xx
Dear Topsy
I’m not really interested in doing things either
I consider doing things with people that I would never have done before just because there is no alternative
I lost my husband 30 weeks ago today …sudden cardiac arrest followed by 3 days in ITU .
It is such a shock because he was well until he collapsed
I’ve only got to think of what happened and that he is gone for a minute and I feel like I am going to throw up but I don’t and I keep going as best I can doing everything I’m supposed to do
I think the sunshine today is making me feel even more down in the dumps because the weather is so lovely and I am so sad
My husband was 60 .
I am lost without him
We have 3 grown up daughters
They are lovely and so are their partners … but they are not my husband and I am floundering although on the surface I must look like I am keeping it together …participating in family events and running the family business but inside I am broken hearted
Things are very raw at the start
It becomes less raw because you need to survive but now for me it is numbness with flashes of deep grief
Like you I have never experienced anything like this in my life
I have lost my father to cancer but the pain of losing my husband is on another level
Wishing you the strength to get through the days and as much peace as possible in your heart
Do whatever helps you
I have taken to hugging trees even as a way of comforting myself
Crazy I know but that’s what grief does to you
Sending hugs
Rome xxxxx
Thanks Topsy.
Thank you for sharing too. So similar…we went to Japan for two weeks in October. Busy cities… we would normally prefer country side walks and nature. But we just thought Japan would be a change. It was! Never thought it would be our last hols.
He lost a bit of weight and was tired, but blamed it to the change of food and busy cities… how wrong !! One blood test and that was the beginning of the end. All too fast too soon.
We never ever imagine he was that ill. No signs before. He was fit, non smoker or drinker, liked walking cycling outdoor life.
Within days our lives turn 360 degrees and upside down.
Yours must be same. Nothing makes sense. Difficult journey but a journey any way. I just hope i get a sign that he is ok.
Do take care.
A big hug xxxxx
Thanks Topsy.
Thank you for sharing too. So similar…we went to Japan for two weeks in October. Busy cities… we would normally prefer country side walks and nature. But we just thought Japan would be a change. It was! Never thought it would be our last hols.
He lost a bit of weight and was tired, but blamed it to the change of food and busy cities… how wrong !! One blood test and that was the beginning of the end. All too fast too soon.
We never ever imagine he was that ill. No signs before. He was fit, non smoker or drinker, liked walking cycling outdoor life.
Within days our lives turn 360 degrees and upside down.
Yours must be same. Nothing makes sense. Difficult journey but a journey any way. I just hope i get a sign that he is ok.
Do take care.
A big hug xxxxx
It was very sad but beautiful at the same time. My granddaughter reading our favourite poem: Captain Correlli’s Mandolin. I just feel numb. I know it will take time. Lots of love and hugs
My youngest granddaughter (19) asked to read a poem at Eileen’s funeral. One of Eileen’s favourites was eventually chosen, “Leisure” by W H Davies.
Dear Romy.
Thank you so much for your reply and sending hugs and best wishes.
What an awful shock for you and such a dreadful thing to happen. Trying to appear ok for your daughters must be so hard too.
When my dad died it was very similar. My parents went to bed and my mother was woken up by my dad struggling to breathe and then that was it. She was 39 and I was 11. It was a dreadful time. She couldn’t bear to be in the house and then she couldn’t bear to be out. What I do remember clearly is her saying she felt worse when it was a nice sunny day and felt better when it rained. I tried to understand but I was so young. Well! Now I know what she meant as I am now the same. I totally understand what you are saying.
I agree that you have to do whatever helps, though I wish I knew what. I think of something and then it backfires. It’s so exhausting. It’s great you have found some comfort with the trees. Whatever helps even if it’s just for a short while.
Lots of hugs
Xxxxx
Dear De
I do hope you get sign that your husband is ok so that you get some comfort.
Thank you for letting me know about your holiday. As you say, you had absolutely no idea there was anything wrong and weight loss and tiredness could easily be explained away by having a totally different holiday from what you were used to. The shock and disbelief will obviously be immense. I do feel for you so much.
Yes my life has gone. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. How I hate the weekends!
Love and hugs
Xxxx
Dear Topsy
Your poor mum and you
I’m 59 now …58 when it happened
Twenty years older than your mum was and my youngest daughter was 21…10 years older than you were …and we are struggling so how much worse it must have been for you two being so much younger
I am exhausted from all the crying off and on these past 6 months .
Sometimes it just comes over me . Like just now , I had an overwhelming urge to talk to my husband . I don’t even know or care about what . Just to have a conversation with someone who is totally tuned in to me and knows me inside out
We all need to try to get some sleep now
Tomorrow is another day
Love Romy xxxxx
Hello De. I can so relate to your comments about your husband. My husband was also a cyclist (we cycled miles together) a walker (he was a Ramblers walks leader) We grew all our own vegetables so always outdoors. He never smoked, wasn’t overweight, drank minimally, so why!!! Our end together was different as he was diagnosed over ten years before he died and I was told that his lifestyle had extended his life by years, My father died of a heart attack, sat next to my mother and she didn’t even know he had died. He was 49 a sportsman all his life, never smoked or touched alcohol. So where the hell is the justice in life. I find myself looking at some people and find myself wondering why they’re still alive and my fit husband is gone. Awful, I know, but I can’t help it.
Hi
I totally agree.
Margaret didn’t smoke or drink and lived for her kids. She also worked in a children’s care home looking after children who had suffered abuse.
She was diagnosed with cancer last June and died on the 2nd of July there is no justice.
William
Not fair at all. Everyone that knew him, friends family colleagues neigbours… can’t still believe it. All they saw him doing was good for health and good for the spirit.
His dad smoke pipe till the age of 92! His lovely mum is 98+ totally independent her sister 96 just getting on. where did we go wrong.?
I
All we wanted a few more years to start retirement . Even !!!a few more hours or days to say our good bye. too much to ask?
Spring and Autumn his favourite months. He would sit in the garden watching the moon telling me where Jupiter was and planning the next walk. We were to do the coast go coast… not now not ever…
No justice at all … i agree Pattidot /William
Take care xx
Hi De yes I know my husband just retired 5 month ago at the age of 70. Wir were looking forward to spring and summer and spending time together after working all our life. But a massive heartache ripped him away from me. Yesterday was his funeral. Everything is gone. If it wouldn’t be for my son and grandkids I couldn’t carry on. People are lovely spending a while but then go and live their lives which they should. They say give it time you get use to it living on your own. Well I can’t see it at the moment. I need to get myself one of these boxing ball stands because I got a lot of anger in me. It is so very hard. I’m sending a big hug.
I agree with you both William and De, there seems no justice in life. This is something I can’t get my head around. We was healthy eaters growing our own organic veg and fruit. We did so much exercise. I wish someone could give me an answer, because it really gets to me. When I see very obese people in the supermarket with their trolleys full of unhealthy food I want to scream. And have you noticed it’s always the good people. My husband was so kind and generous, everybody liked him, same as my dad who went suddenly.
De you and I have so much in common with our men. My husband always said he hoped he wouldn’t die in the spring and summer as this was his favourite time. He also loved looking at the sky and knew the planets. He would stand out in the garden just staring into space. I was never interested so didn’t join him. We too planned our walks and still doing it when he was so very ill and would never be able to walk again. I do a good walk every day with the dogs though.
Don’t give up on the coast to coast though. Perhaps one day you will be able to give it a go, perhaps with other walkers. Not the same I know but you can take him with you as I do with my Brian everytime I go out walking. I carry his photo and talk to him as I promised I would just before he passed away.
Hello Merlene my heart goes out to you. At the stage of grief your at it all seems just too much and confusing. I’m only four months into my grief but I am beginning to adapt to living alone. My immediate family have also been very good but I have had to accept they have their own lives, work, children. My husbands daughters have totally disowned me though. No kindness or support, none for their dad either before he died. I felt so abandoned by them at first, thought we would all grieve together. How wrong can you be. Unfortunately people also become a bit bored after a few weeks and you feel even more alone. This is when you either sink or swim as I was told. I decided I was not going to be victim and his daughters attitude in refusing to answer my telephone calls and letters made me angry. I thought how dare they treat me like this when I cared for their father right to end and I held him as he passed away. Where was they!!! This is when I started to kick back. I still have meltdowns, days when I don’t feel I can cope but you have to dig deep and find that strength from somewhere. You will find it but don’t think it possible at the moment. I decided to accept my grief as part of the healing process. Know what you mean about anger. I garden and work hard. I walk, and pace along. My poor cushions and pillows keep being punched and screamed into. Keep posting you can express your frustration and anger to us as we all understand your feelings.
Dear Merleen
So sorry you have just joined this journey it has many stops and we all seem to get off grafually on most of them for a while. I have been on this travel 3 months this week and Perhaps we will meet at the same station and are able to share a bif of our journey.
We are told that time is a healer. I am not sure that expression is applicable sometimes. I wish time stopped at least second before my husband was about to leave me. I wanted time to think, to react, to act, to get a cure to his illness, to beg for a miracle. To go out scream and come back to him. Do i want to be healed? I want my soulmate my kind beautiful husband to be cured… and come back. I know ! It not real …
I do wish he tells me he us ok and that he forgives me if i could have done more for him. I wish i have anger in me to get myself in a fighting mood. All i am now is a submissive one half of a couple who is scared about the future.
Big hug too. And hope our journey gets better .x
Not sure i am making sense… tired thinking
Dear Pattidot
I do question same things. Not only about health but also kindness. Why good people has to so quick so soon?
My husband enjoyed reading also and i could see him in back garden reading and looking at the sky in deep thoughts. He was also studying or …guessing air plane routes. When younger he wanted to be like his dad who was in the RAF. He then wanted to take a few lessons and before the real thing i got for his 60th a flying lesson which he had to cancel in October because he wasnt too good… so sad
I am sure we could go on and on about our plans that never happened cant we!
Some as you said may be taken in their memories
Ahhhh strangely enough i was thinking to take his photo to my walks…
Tame care good night …xx
Hello Pattidot, thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that your step daughters behave like that. Maybe it’s guilt. It is very hard even to think of enjoying life again. But I will try hard not to fall into that black hole. I send you good wishes and a big hug.
Hello Di your kind words hit the nail on head, my feelings exactly. I know it’s going to be a long hard road. I am so glad that I got you all to talk to because you understand. Lots of hugs