Dear De
The thought of yearning for my husband like this for the rest of my life is unbearable
What do you do when you want to speak to and be with someone you can never have again ?!
This is torture
It just never goes away
The price of love is high
I am exhausted from trying to live while feeling like this
I need to put my yearning down somewhere
It is getting very heavy to carry
I am rambling but this grief thing is hard work
Sending you love to get through Sunday
Romy xxxxx
Hello Romy, I can’t offer you much solace, but I know that sometimes it helps just to know that others feel the same, you are not alone, that somebody reads and understands, and cares enough to reply.
That’s the best I can do right now.
Thank you Edwin
It means a lot xx
I have feelings of anger when I see some couples in the supermarket, one couple in particular, they’re filthy dirty, smell really bad, even the check out staff don’t like serving them. This couple go arou d the supermarket yelling at each other the whole time, you always know which aisle they’re in because every one else avoids it until they’ve gone. They’re obnoxious, loud mouthed, their language is atrocious, when I see them, I get angry because why should they still be here and my Alan isn’t. Alan worked all his life to provide for myself and our two children, we had made so many plans for last year and this only to have the world crash down and destroy the life i’d known for the past 50 years. He had retired 5 years earlier but his mother be and very demanding and eventually had to go into a care home due to severe Alzheimer’s, she and I never got on and she did her utmost to split Alan and I up from the very first moment he told her we were getting married. I battled with her all our married life, so when she died in 2016 we both thought we could now het on and enjoy what life we had before us without her demands overshadowing our every move. Sadly these moments of freedom from such a viscious woman was short lived,
I am eternally grateful that Alan didn’t know how seriously ill he was, also that we were able to spend his last 30 minutes on the earth plane alone together, I was able to say my goodbye to him privately and very intensely. The last 30 minutes of our married life will remain in my heart forever.
Going back to seeing people out and about who are villains of all descriptions and like this obnoxious couple in the supermarket does stir up anger as to why they’re still here and our lovely, genuine and kind hearted husbands/wives/partners are not. It is so unfair and I can never understand the cruelty life throws at us. We do our best to live good honest lives and in the blink of an eye our world as we know it is destroyed for ever.
☆
Dear Romy, yes I can only agree that the constant longing becomes so unbearable. I say that as someone who will never be able to understand why I had to lose the only one love in my life. We lost my Dad first then my Mam. There were no children sent to bring us joy. We only had each other…and now, there’s just me. The one thing I know for sure, is how much I’ve lost and I’ll carry this knowledge with me for the rest of my life. I will count my blessings and bring forward all his kindness, calmness and devotion to me, to live with me the rest of my life. He helped to make me the way I am. I am so sorry Romy…it’s so hard to bear, I’m thinking of you and your family, x
Dear Rainbow
It’s hard to learn how to live without the person who meant the most to us
I ask him to help me and give me the strength to do it and carry on but it is a heavy load to bear and I am lost at the moment as to what to do next
I know they say that time heals but it is a very slow healer and the pain is pretty relentless
Sending you love to get through Sunday
Romy xxxxc
Hi Merleen glad also this forum exists. You can express your feeljngs knowing that they are trully understood .
Take care xx
Dear Romy . Very sorrythst added tò tbe psin you are carrying is tbe indifference of those thst should be a support.
How much i need my darling today. I am so lonely and sad today its making me sick. And i have my lovely sister with me. Going to see my nephew and family and ths9t is making more sad. My darling should be coming too. Oh how much pain can we bear?
enjoy the day out.
Big hug xx
Hi . Yes that upsets me. Makes life so infair. Theu did all the rights things to keep healtjy, dedicated fsmily and hard working. What is the reward?
You must treasure those 30 minutes . My darling unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest i was asked to leave the room and the rest… i am numbed Nothing feels fair. No sense to anything. Ss you ssud6 everything destroyed in a second…
I am strggling to remember our 30 years of happy life together. But all that comes to my mind is his last few days, and moments of regret
Dear Rainbow
I can identify with you. My husband was my world. There were no children and ee lived for eachother. But also dedicated to our extended families. But …at the end of the day they all have their lives to live and responsibilities. So i am really on my own and miss him so so much. I dont feel complete at all.
I would give anything to hear his voice , touch his face have a cuddle.
life is do cruel?
Xx
Xx
Dear De, thank you for replying to me. It is really too much for us to bear. We only want what we had…nothing more. I’d be so content and I’m sure you would be too…just the simple things, a touch and chat. Sorry for your sadness De, we were so loved, kind wishes, x
Hi
Loneliness is unbearable.
I’ve had my two sons and daughter here today with their partners and my little granddaughter but I’ve never felt so alone in my life. That’s sounds awful and I’m so thankful for the support my family give me but sometimes it’s just not enough.
Take care
William
Hello William
Grief is unrelenting, it follows you everywhere, A room full of people will not take away the pain. We can run but it follows.Can’t seem to outrun it.
Today I thought I was doing well. I was on my Allotment. People kind, stop for a chat, friendly wave as they pass by. I was working hard preparing for the summer planting. Took my lunch and enjoyed the company of my dogs as we sat in the sun. Then it all fell apart, why, two of the men shouted across to each other about a football match, having a friendly banter. I remembered that my husband would have been part of that banter. I leaned on the spade and cried. You just can’t escape can you. We can only hope it get’s easier to bear, but how long will that take. I am determined I will one day be able to outrun grief and be able to remember my man with so much happiness and not this sadness.
How I agree with you there. I see the same awful families by us, and wonder how they get away with it and we didn’t. I feel terrible having these feelings which are not very christian. We too worked all our lives, never took anything from anyone and my husband’s dying words were “what have I ever done to deserve this, I’ve never hurt anyone in my life” He didn’t mean dying, just the pain and being incapable of doing anything. In the early days I had the same problem as you with family except it was his daughters. Grown up but turned funny about us getting married. Took a few years before it was put behind us. Many years without a problem however as soon as he died their animosity towards me came tumbling out of them. Couldn’t believe their behaviour. I’m so sad as these are my Brian’s children. I am about to disown them, I have no choice. I hope he understands that I have tried but I’m tired, I’m grieving and don’t have the strength for their tantrums and greed. What is the matter with people!!! Life is too short, as we are all finding out…
Hi William I totally understand. It’s ok when the family is there but after they are gone the quietness, the empty chair hits you even more. Learning to live without my husband after 46 years is the hardest thing I ever have to do. I take one day at the time and hope the pain will lessen. Take care.
It’s 28 weeks since my wife died. I didn’t know that until I counted it back on the calendar. My mind seems to be thinking differently and maybe that’s down to the number of other things that are going on.
I’ve been away for the weekend in Surrey for the wedding of one of my daughters. I had dreaded the idea of it but the reality was very different. My mind was kept busy during most of my waking hours and very little time was spent thinking about my wife. I seem to have fine honed my ability to switch my thinking. Once or twice during the wedding ceremony and reception a sadness came over me which, of course, was due to thinking, but I had the mental strength to return to the actual moment and what was going on.
Today it’s the fortnightly meeting of my book club and that interests and enthuses me. I have other things arranged for Wednesday and I go to pick up my new campervan on Thursday. These are all things that are capable of shifting my thinking. I feel to have gradually transformed. I am not locked into the old self perpetuating behaviours. I feel that I can see and measure progress and I don’t feel at all guilty about that.
As for loneliness, I think I’ve just identified it as a fact of life and have started to accommodate that and plan accordingly.
I’m grateful that my health is sufficiently good and that I can afford to live as I want to.
My reason for telling you all this is that it might provide hope to those that are struggling to see a way forward. Subtle changes do take place over time but there are so many variables that will affect the rate of that. We are all " a statistic of one" and so there is no one way of doing or being.
Hi its sounds so positive and promising.
Some of us at least me, believe that a life time is not long enough to recover from this sadness, loneliness and pain. May be 12.5 weeks is too soon but i am living in the past and dont know how to move on or whether i want to without feeling bad and increasing my guilt.
Well done you.
So very true Pattie, I know every one has their own lives to lead, and we shouldn’t be expecting them to change their lives because ours has been completed demolished, what really does upset me is all the times I’ve been at the end of the phone when family and friends have needed support sometimes to the extent where Alan has said that they wouldn’t be there for me if I needed them like I’m always there for them. And he’s right. They’re not. So many things he used to say have been proven right since his passing. I keep hearing him say… oh at last you finally admit I’m right!.. The sad truth is, it took his passing for me to realise just how right he’s been all along. Through my accountancy skills I saved a friend from losing her home and now she has ceased all contact with me. It hurts but know she’ll get into difficulty again only this time I’m not the one who will be at her side helping her through it. Another friend I shouldn’t feel bitter about these who have let me down, I think I’ve earned a right to feel bitter, I’ve a tight to feel whatever I want to feel.
Anyway, off to walk Winston home then Ada and I shall stroll back. Was looking up at the few clouds earlier when I took them on their afternoon walk, there’s not many in the sky but those that were formed some magical shapes, I love when they do that. X blessings x
Hi
It’s almost 8 months for me and I feel I’m stuck.
I really try and be positive then it just floors me again. On Friday night I went to see a local band that Margaret and me had seen a few times before. Felt so lonely and that everyone was looking at me sitting on my own. Just don’t know how to do this at the moment.
Take car3
William
Hi De yes I agree I feel devastated and robbed of a future with the man I loved for 46 years. I miss him so much; and life is very difficult I know it’s only 5 weeks since he passed away, but I can’t see myself ever being happy and carefree again. Perhaps age got something to do with it.