You are absolutely right i treated as if im a leper peaople around you are so bloody cruel that dont understand how lonely 
life gets
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They really are so damn tactless and cruel like u say ! You know that expression : laugh and the whole world laughs with you , cry and you cry alone ! So true! Unfortunately xxx
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worst thing i have had was from my local church, was a member for about 15 yrs. we all know whaty the church is supposed to be about. a couple of months after hubby died, i went to one of the groups that i used to go to regualary, hoping to get some support. what i got was two of the ladies there turn round to me and say, “lots of people lose their husbands, you are not the only one, you will get used to it” I walked out and have never been back.
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have you spoken to your gp? they have mental heath therapists now and they are brilliant. i have been waiting over six months for counselling but getting there . The nights are the worst so bloody lonely no cuddles orchat but i am lucky have a great sister and family and friend who let me cry and make sure im ok
I have Brian in an amazing urn and i know hes looking after me now like he always did. i share everything with him and tell him everyday i love him. When im away he looks after the apartment. he is forever with me 
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Omg … so tactless … ive had same crap from my so called “christian” go to church brother ! His wife is a vicar ! She didnt even bother picking up the phone to offer her condolences ! They’re alll bliming hypocties !
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Dear SueF1, What a horrible thing to say. I can understand that you walked out of that group. Hopefully, you can join a different group that can support you. I do not think that we ever get used to that we lost our beloved partners. Sending lots of love and hugs.
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It really is an awful thing to say ! People need to show compassion! If thats so hard ? Seems so these days 
!!! Xxx
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I had absolutely to compassion all our friends just deserted me wrong did i do wrong i lost my wife of 51 years is that not enough people just do nt care anymore they think you can just pick yourself up and carry on with life
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You would think that a good Christian??? Would have compassion is that what the church teaches in my experience they are a load of pathetic hypocrites
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Yeh you would think they would have ? Its awful isnt it ! I just been listening to deidre on itv this morning and this lady who phoned in said how all her friends and family deserted her after her husband died … she having to get help from cruse bereavment too … like i did ! Its really terrible that people just run away from it and really like Deidre said theyre all in denial ! Its ridiculous ! People are just ridiculous these days !! What is wrong with human beings these days ? They not even barely human anymore - people have gone backwards not forwards xx
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Hi there Sadnow
I think there are many of us on this forum that can relate to what you are saying. I thought I had done something terrible to be forgotten, even by some of my own family and my husbands family seem to have forgotten I exist along with so called friends. Not a word from his two daughters in four years and no help when he was ill or afterwards although I wrote to them many times to try and find out what was wrong. (I still have no idea why I was cast out) My own daughter moved away and isn’t much better. My son I hear from occasionally yet my children were the most important things in my life for so long, and we was so close now where are they when I wanted them. But do I really need them??? I have forged ahead on my own made new friends, picked up the pieces and adjusted to living alone and quite like it now. I have a full life and was determined to show them that I was independent and didn’t need any of them. Now I don’t want to see any of his family. A lesson learned that we can’t rely on other people.!!!
xxx
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So today for no particular reason is a good day [well better than crying all day, like yesterday] I’ve been sorting new glasses and letting my husband’s optician and hearing company that he has passed away…they were both incredibly kind and I managed to go in and speak in person to each one. A step forward
I just realise that I’m entirely alone now and have to try to find my own strength within me. I’ve contacted my GP for referral to Counselling because I know I’m not coping .
This forum and your messages have helped me more than you can all know.
.
My friends and neighbours have disappeared, no visits or calls. The very occasional WhatsApp message… where I explain how low I am but they just just seem disinterested now… it makes me so sad after losing my best friend, husband and life long partner to feel so abandoned…. I feel it must be my fault?.
I dont think they can appreciate the true pain and heart break….
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think what annoys me about people nowadays is, and you see it on the social media news channels, is how everyone falls over themselves to say how sorry they are etc when someone dies of a virus, in a war, in a sub, but when it comes to people next door, your family in some cases, the church, they dont want to know. they are all over strangers. I dont mean this the way it sounds but i dont really care about the 32 million worldwide that have died this yr, i dont know them sad though it is. But i do care that I and many on here and in thispost,are treated like dirt by so called friends and family. we dont deserve it. we have lost our lifelong partner, someone who was with us 24/7 for many yrs, in my case 47 yrs. hugs to all xxxx
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its there problem not yours. im
nearly a year and had to move 250 miles to be nearer my family and friends i knew years ago
i also do some voluntary work with people living with dementia
im so glad i moved as “friends” down south have husbands and kids and my life would have been very lonely. im living my life for my darling he was and is the best ever. i still cry every night for my hugs and kisses but i have in my heart, in a charm and a beautiful urn in my sideboard
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I hope to do some volunteering too but not for a long while…I just feel very exhausted. We scattered my lovely husband’s ashes in the garden he loved and created over 22 years surrounding this house…I’ll always stay here as it is such a haven.
The one bright star is his daughter, we went through losing him together and it has brought us incredibly close. Sadly she lives in Ireland and I’m in Scotland, she also has her own family and she looks after her own mother but I know she’ll be visiting soon and we message a lot…she is so like her father .
I’m so grateful for your messages and kindness…even though we are strangers
Xx
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Well done i am slowly go the same route apart from my oldest daughter the rest of the family aren’t even worth considering
Well done you really are star
Great big hugs
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You are absolutely right nobody can express the pain of grief especially when we aren’t prepared. I really do not understand why so many people from family to friends think your ok if only they could understand how painful, lonely life can be
Lots hugs xx
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I am totally tired of all the so called do gooders they as you say go overboard to support and share the sorrow of famines,war and any other world crisis What about us we loose a life long partner and yet we have no support from friends, family, the church with no compassion for how we feel grief is not one of those words made up to explain oh your having a bad day.
Its real it hurts it never goes away
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Well said @Sadnow. We do become the forgotten people. What hit me the hardest is that I was blaming myself and couldn’t understand what I had done so wrong to be forgotten. Then I realised that I was not on my own when I read so many posts on this forum. It is happening all the time and I wonder if I have been to blame for doing the same thing in the past. I have now learnt my lesson and will reach out when I can.
Annoyingly some of my husbands relatives are involved with charities and ‘helping’ people in the community. Important people locally.!!!
Pat
xx
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We are always here if you just want a chat 
One day society will wake up and realise that we are humans with feelings shame its not recognised by our young generations But one day they will discover what grief really is.
Take care xx
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