im so sorry for your loss it will be 6 years on 21st dec for me since i lost my husband suddenly my 2 boys live with me and i have a daughter and a 6 year old granddaughter its still hard i still cry scream get angry it doesnt get any easier im not gonna lie to you you just learn to live with it take each day as it comes there are days when having my kids around is just not enough i just want my husband back my mum feels the same and shes been widowed for 14 years sending you a massive hug hope it helps a little to know that your not going through this alone people understand how you feel im not going to say i no how you feel as i dont no one does everyones grief is different take care always here if you need to talk xxxxx
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my son lives with me and i couldnt wish for a better one but its not the same. there are lots of things that i cant talk to him about. I think he assumes, like others, i have got over it now after 14 months and am used to being without hubby. well i havent and never will, i hate it. we had 47 yrs and although the last 10 yrs as carer were hard as he had so many health problems (which wasnt what killed him)and towards the end i wasnt that sympathatic, had heard it all before, day after day. but he was there, we did care about each other even though we never said it. we could talk to each other, we knew each other inside out. now its all gone.
But i would give anything to have him back and how dare friends and family assume I have got over it, and living the life of riley now he is gone.
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This group is more like a family.its been a big help to me. I can understand how you feel. The only person I never will again speak to is my sister wendy after certain things that were said .take it one day at a time
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Hi, what I have come to the conclusion is that most people, including family, friends, and any other, don’t understand the problems we have. They don’t know what to say. Unless someone has had this awful life thrust upon them is clueless. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know, how could they. Losing other family members who don’t live with you is of course tragic, but you don’t have that real missing feeling you have when your life partner dies. Eventually you will get fed up saying the same old crap, and realise you are really alone in your head. Some of the thoughts are not that good, but we all have them. I just hope the days will stop going so slowly. Take care. Stefan 
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I so agree, just off the phone from a friend, telling me it will get better 
. She has no idea what this feels like and I get so fed up of hearing these sentences churned out and I want to scream and tell them all that this is too painful to bear. Instead I just agree and say, ‘l hope so’ it’s exhausting trying to keep busy and trying to find the smallest amount of peace or just a moment where I don’t long to have my beloved husband back in the house, near me, speaking to me or just being there. I don’t want this life and yet I have to live it and at the moment it feels miserable. I’ve never experienced such sadness:broken_heart:
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Hi @Sadnow. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. You are in the very early stages of your grief and it’s only to be expected that you feel this way. I’m also sorry about the problems you are having with your son. Does he know how you feel? Is he also struggling with his grief. The pain you are feeling is absolutely unbearable, I remember those early days with horror (7 months for me). A few of us meet up regularly on Mondays and Fridays at 8pm via Zoom and we’ve found it so very helpful. If you would like to try it just send @KarenF a message and she will add you. There’s no pressure, it’s all very informal and you can just listen or you can join in. Big cuddle to you, Jean xx.
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Hi LinS1,
It’s a pain trying to keep busy, especially when you feel like it’s pointless. I call it finding distractions. I hate it. I try to keep busy all day, but what you think has been hours end up being about 1/2 hour, it seems to me for some reason time is on a different level, slow. I also don’t agree with most who say you are depressed. I’m not depressed, I just like my life without my partner and fiancée in it. When you are tearful and quiet it’s because you’re sad, and missing your love of your life, not depressed. Since my sweetheart died I have no fear of dying and wait for it to happen. I think it will be so nice not to have this continuous pain and sadness, and have some peace. I have said this several times. We know our partner’s wouldn’t want us to feel like this and get on with life but, like the people we talk to don’t know what to say, our partner’s didn’t know what sort of life we would be left with when they died. If they did I’m not too sure if they would want us to get on with life.
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Hi @Ava2
What do people think we do with our loved ones put put them in a binbag and move onto the next partner. How thoughtless of your step daughter to say such a thing. I have also crossed my step daughters out of my life as I haven’t heard from them since my husband died even after I wrote to them many times. Out of mind and out of my will.
Like everyone else I have had my bad days but I kept telling myself that there was so many people in the world losing their loved ones and they went on living. Including my own mother. I don’t think I was much help to her and this really does make me feel guilty but like so many other people I just didn’t understand…
Pat
xx
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Thank you for your kind words my son has always been rather distant even when his mother was alive she had to start any conversations or texts, he is a very private person who doesn’t show such events such as his grief as they were very close
He always says that with work commitments he finds it difficult to visit. But an occasional text would be nice.
My oldest daughter 
is an absolutely amazing person we are supporting each other.
Thank you your your zoom support but i would like to give it a miss i dont mind email but had a poor experience with zoom
Thank you for your support
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@Pattidot @swojto i agree with both of you. most of the time its not depression, its adapting to a new way of life. of course we would love to have our partners back warts and all but its not going to happen. It is hard and there will be tears and memories etc but somehow we have to move on. I have a son and daughter who i am in contact with, son lives here, the other lives in clacton, but the rest can take a long walk off a short pier as far as i am concerned. One daughter hasnt spoke to me since my grandson died 6 yrs ago all because i said something and she didnt like it. i stand by what i said to this day. I hate being lonely, i hate not having any money, i hate him not being here, not sure how it would have been if my son wasnt here i have to admit being totally on my own, might be a different story.
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Hi i agree my youngest daughter and her daughter have said many cruel things even at the funeral she provoked a scuffle with her sister they both said some extremely bad things to her about the service
They fleeced my wife of thousands of pounds and my granddaughter stole a very expensive gold charm bracelet and a Pandora necklace.
I can not provide enough proof so i have blocked all access so she is on her own with none of the family having anything to do with her
.i have a legal statement in my will that they cannot receive or challenge or attend any such funeral when i pass on.
I think she and her daughter are 2 of the most vicious people on this earth
Thanks big hugs x
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Hi, the one thing I completely disagree with you my partner didn’t have any warts. She was the kindest, most loving person I have ever known. She wouldn’t say a bad word about anybody. Mandy remained the loveliest person even through her awful treatment. If I was half as a pleasant person Mandy was I would be a pleasant person to most. The world and myself have lost a truly beautiful lady in every sense of that word. I can’t wait for our ashes to be mixed, never to be separated again.
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i feel exactly like you. Brian was funny , kind never n a bad mood. i have his ashes and when i go we will be put together with my lovely mum x
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when i said warts, i meant all their little annoying habits, i am sure they all had them. mine was not aiming in the loo, dropping his tablets, filling sink up till it overflowed, all those sorts of things. nothing to do with what they were like as a person xx
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Morning to all my husband of 50yrs gordon passed suddenly 4weeks ago and i miss him withevery bit of my being,the good the bad everything that made him the most amazing husband i could have wished for in every way possible when you have been with someone for 50yrs which is how long we were together it’s a lifetime of memories and to remember every little thing about them just makes the loss much more painful , but i too will put our ashes together and my amazing daughter god willing will scatter us over a beautiful sea which was his wish too.I wish you all the strenghth to carry on this journey till we’re all reunited,and thankyou all on this forum for the genuine help and understanding each of you offer in times of great sadness and grief love to all xx
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Hi, I was with Mandy for 16 years and we never argued, never had any disagreements. She was the most perfect person I have ever known. That is why I know I will be on my own until I die, which I hope isn’t too far away. We had the most perfect relationship even through poor Mandy had a lot of hospital appointments. Not once in the years of treatment did she ever not have me with her, supporting and being a comfort to her. I’m not speaking or seeing our relationship with rose tinted glasses. It was just the way it is and was. I miss Mandy every second of every day. She is the love of my life.
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Thank you for all your messages and after 11 weeks of losing my lovely husband Hans, some understanding and support [and love] for how I feel.
Like so many of you we were together for 50 years, I was 16 years younger than my very fit, active, young looking and very handsome husband…so lucky we met each other. So at 69 I’m alone for the first time in my real adult life and I’m not coping at all.
I miss him so so much, even though he became frail and had Dementia at the end, we still talked, had fun and held each other. I miss the look he had in his yes when I walked into the room and the beautiful smile he had. I am just starting to be able to look at photos, videos and letters…it hurts like hell and I’m beginning to write down memories and the story of our life…I think it might help me get through this pain.
Sadly I have no family nearby and my close friends seem to think I’m ok and have more or less abandoned me to myself… I hope I get through this but at the moment I feel awful.
Thank you all for your love, support and words of encouragement xxxLin
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Bless you i totally get how you feel and your beautiful wife will be waiting for you for sure when the time is right as my husband will for me take care xx
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Hi Sadnow
What dreadfull experiences you have had with some of your family. No wonder you have got them out of your life. To cause bad feelings at a funeral is terrible. The last thing you wanted but some people seem to think this is the time to kick off. My step daughters were not much better but didn’t start an argument they just sulked and went home in a strop. I have no idea why to this day as everyone said that my husbands funeral was a lovely tribute to him. Honestly I sometimes feel we are better off without families. I now quite like my ‘alone’ time.
Pat
xx
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Hi @Ava2. I don’t remember my mother ever making a fuss when she lost Dad suddenly when still in her forties. She moved away for six months with her work and when she returned she just got on with her life. I had very little understanding in those days but now I admire her strength. I just wish she was around for me to tell her this.
We are not the only ones going through this loss and I decided that I didn’t want to feel like rubbish for the rest of my life. It takes time and lots of tears though.
Pat
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