Hi, we may not be on our own going through this loss but I am the only one feeling my loss. Just because probably thousands in this country are grieving, it doesn’t make anybody’s personal grief any better. What this tells me ,there is a lot of sadness out there. I can honestly say I haven’t had a moment of happiness since I loss my love. I don’t expect that to change either.
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I lost my wonderful husband nearly six months ago, and I find the misery of missing him indescribable. I know we all feel the same, it truly is agony.
I used to be confident and motivated but now it takes me for ever to decide on even the simplest tasks without worrying.
I do go out visiting and meeting people but however much I try, there’s no joy and then home to an empty apartment. No lovely greeting and chatting.
Sorry to be so negative but a bad day, using so many Kleenex!
Love to all. xx
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Hi @swojto. I just kept telling myself that if other people could get through their personal loss then I could also although in those early days we feel like rubbish and that we will never feel any better. I don’t think any of us have any happiness either for a while as our grief is too intense. I can remember the first time I laughed outloud at something on TV it sounded really weird. Even if we don’t look for happiness slowly it does appear again.
Good luck
xxx
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Hi Sheila
I am so impressed at how you cared for your mother even though she wasn’t that old when she lost your father.
I realise now how lucky I was as neither my Nan or my mother were ever needy. My mother concentrated on her work in the beginning and then remarried three years later. How I admire her now. I wish I could tell her this.
I also don’t want to be demanding to my children but just an occasional visit or contact (my daugher lives in Spain and forgot she has family here) would be nice. My son text me to say he was visiting two weeks ago and I’m still waiting.!!!
I can understand your disappointment after devoting your life to another and then feeling forgotten now. It is so unfair but seems to be the way of the world. As I wasn’t much support to my mother (we lived a long way from each other) I suppose I am being paid back now but your story is so very different.
Pat
xxx
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You are absolutely right some times it is good to have alone time. My wife and i created a semi wild garden over 40 odd years so i can hide away watch the lovebirds in the aviarys and enjoy the quietness and with my thoughts find some peace
Thank you for your kind words
Hug xx
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Hi you can find some happiness it is out there just because we have all lost a dear husband, wife or partner i think my wife would not want me to be shut away and not at least seek to find a little happiness i have found great help in reading and sending my thoughts in this forum. Sometimes very sad and other times i get a lift from people’s life experiences
Sending hugs
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Hi, the only trouble with that thought is your wife didn’t have a clue what sort of life you would have been left with, how could she. My partner would have said the same, but again she didn’t know what life I have been left with. The only saving grace is our partner’s haven’t had the pain we have to endure every day.
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My husband of 15 years died 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I too was by his bedside for the last days and saw him slip away, and had been with him through every step of his cancer for the last 9 months. I thought I’d be more prepared but in reality I’m just a sobbing mess most of the time. There seems no point to anything and it feels like I will feel like this forever. I have one good friend and one good neighbour but I almost feel that I have “outstayed my welcome” with their hospitality. I’m just so desperately sad all of the time.
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Dear Mandy52, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly this February. Nobody is really ever prepared to lose their soulmates and I am still crying most of the time. The painful sadness will stay with us for a very long time hopefully it will ease with time but I think it will always be in our hearts and soul. You are not alone in this forum and we will support you because we know your situation so well. Sending you lots of love and hugs. What is the name of your little furries?
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Hi, I totally get what you are feeling. Some of will never get over what has been thrust upon us. Our partner’s didn’t want to die, we didn’t want them to die , but here we are. It’s a living nightmare that just keeps on going. I’m just glad I didn’t leave my Mandy with this awful life if I had died first. That is the only comfort I get out of this nightmare. Some of us get what is called complicated grief, that is grief that continues probably for the rest of your life. People say this is a disorder, I say that Mandy means more to me than life itself. So I know I will never get over losing her and not having her physically by my side in person. I have her ashes so part of her is with me all the time.
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In the early days of the first diagnosis she did reassure me of what the future would be like we new that we only had a few moths together when she was suddenly taken ill due to a serious infection, it was a catch 22 situation that the drugs which stabilised her cancer Brain tumour, was conflicting with the antibiotics for the infection sadly after 4 days she passed away.
Yes life isn’t the same and never will be but we had that small time to talk about how i and our family could 
continue.
On her last day she insisted that life must continue as she was now ready to leave us
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Hi i thought exactly the same after 51 years i too cried for days sometimes thinking i can’t carry-on with life.
But with help from my lovely daughter who supported me i can now honestly say that yes there is a future it may not be the same but it realy is reachable.
I found help eventually with age uk within the group meetings, but i recently joined this forum and honestly i have had so much support from all the lovely people who are going through the same grief i found that reading the messages between the community has to me been an incredible comfort
Sending hugs xx
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Hi there @Sadnow . A semi wild garden that is amazing and a wonderful area to sit with your thoughts. I have two large allotments (mine and my husbands) and I am so pleased I kept them on after his death. I combine growing veg with flowers and herbs and some of it is also semi wild My garden also has area’s that I can just enjoy and watch and listen. I have time to enjoy the quietness whilst watching the wildlife. Gardening and wildlife is very therapeutic. I don’t fear being alone any longer.
Pat
xx
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You are never alone since joining this forum i have met such lovely caring people i was on a downwards spiral i thought that i could not cope and i just began to have such strong feelings that i couldn’t cary on. When i had an absolutely flood of support telling that i should not give up and end my life.
Thank you for your kind words
Sent hugs and love
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Thank you all for your lovely words. I will keep coming back here to gain strength. X
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I love dogs.
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Hi Mandy, I’m Linda and wanted to message you to say I know exactly how you feel. I am so very sorry for your loss and the grief and pain you are now suffering.
After 11 weeks, I am also still desperately sad and when I say to friends it feels like there isn’t any point in anything anymore they tell me it will get better.
So far it hasn’t. there are some days I don’t hear from anyone unless I message or ring and I have started to feel invisible. I absolutely dread the thought of Christmas. I don’t want to be an add on anywhere.
No matter if in the far distant future it becomes bearable it won’t be the life I had imagined. The happiness we had has gone and it takes an almighty effort to just keep upright and functioning.
I’ve now started writing our entire life story from beginning to end. It helps me, keeps me close to my husband and confirms to me that our life had such love in it and happiness. I also cry a lot.
I don’t have any real answers other than it’s clear we are all suffering in the same way and it’s good to be able to share.
This sort of grief can’t be imagined by others…even though they might say so
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