I am so sorry for the many losses you have suffered and now more recently to have lost your wife.
Your comments prompted me to recall my late mother-in-law predicting that me and my husband would not last six months. Well we were together 42 years and married over 38 years until I lost him in September 2020 through a motorbike accident. I can only hope that she is comforting him in heaven now. Not only did he loose his life but he lost the chance of continuing to be the wonderful granda he always wanted to be with the eldest grandson only 9 months when he was killed. Another grandson was born after my husband died in April of this year. Bittersweet. Both boys look similar to my husband particularly as our son looks like his dad. Our daughter struggles with her dad’s loss. Lockdown meant she could not visit - she lives outside the North East - so she only got to see him before he died in June for a few hours spent roaming Sherwood forest. She struggles with this constantly.
We were only teenagers when we met. He was my first and only serious boyfriend and me his one and only girlfriend. I cannot see me getting through this grief - if I am being honest I do not want to. I won’t do anything purposely to upset our kids and our beliefs prevent me in anycase but when God comes calling I will not hesitate to reunite with my husband. Until then as Jules4 highlights, we have to take one day at a time, one minute at a time if need be, find things to distract us and take whatever support is avaiable.