Sea of MISERY

I’ve joined here today in the hopes of someday healing, I’ve had so many counselling sessions and phone calls I’ve lost count.

in 2019 i lost my mother to Cancer which torn the family apart.
2020 i lost my dad to Covid
and now June 2021 i have lost my wife… we started dating at school when i was 15, now 40years later it’s over.
I’ve been told you have to drown in the grief in order for your survival instincts to kick in so you can swim out of it and heal, how do people get through such grief how many waves of it can hit you before you say hell i give up.
Thanks for listening

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I am so sorry Alan - you are dealing with so much grief at the same time. Me and my husband got together when we were 16 - 34 years ago. He went out for a run, collapsed and died. It was such a shock - and my world was shattered. All I can say is that you take it minute by minute in the early days, then hour by hour and eventually day by day. I try to get out and walk as much as I can - with a friend when I can but by myself it not. Just take any support you are offered and keep posting here - people do understand and will be supportive. Sending hugs

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Thankyou Jules, i too am sorry for your loss, another long time love from such a young age, i wonder how many people told you at 16 it wouldn’t last… and you went 34years that is remarkable, I’m sorry it came to an end. Thankyou for your advice.
sending hugs back.

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Dear Alan55

I am so sorry for the many losses you have suffered and now more recently to have lost your wife.

Your comments prompted me to recall my late mother-in-law predicting that me and my husband would not last six months. Well we were together 42 years and married over 38 years until I lost him in September 2020 through a motorbike accident. I can only hope that she is comforting him in heaven now. Not only did he loose his life but he lost the chance of continuing to be the wonderful granda he always wanted to be with the eldest grandson only 9 months when he was killed. Another grandson was born after my husband died in April of this year. Bittersweet. Both boys look similar to my husband particularly as our son looks like his dad. Our daughter struggles with her dad’s loss. Lockdown meant she could not visit - she lives outside the North East - so she only got to see him before he died in June for a few hours spent roaming Sherwood forest. She struggles with this constantly.

We were only teenagers when we met. He was my first and only serious boyfriend and me his one and only girlfriend. I cannot see me getting through this grief - if I am being honest I do not want to. I won’t do anything purposely to upset our kids and our beliefs prevent me in anycase but when God comes calling I will not hesitate to reunite with my husband. Until then as Jules4 highlights, we have to take one day at a time, one minute at a time if need be, find things to distract us and take whatever support is avaiable.

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Yes - even teachers said we were too young. We were always going to be together- I thought until old age. I don’t know how you adjust to someone not being there when they have always been. We even went to primary school together! I am 4 months on and I still expect him to walk back through the door.

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Sorry for your loss I to have recently lost my brother suddenly before Christmas age 52.Then June this year my husband of 25 years together for 32 years to lung cancer from diagnosis he had a short 10 weeks he was all I ever knew from aged 17 and yes we were told it wouldn’t last due to the age gap we went on to have a son followed by our daughter and also 2 beautiful granddaughter’s. Which breaks my heart as he will not see our son getting married later this year he was to be his best man. Utterly heart breaking :broken_heart:

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It’s just relentless the amount of people we lose, always people that make the world a better place, that bring light to those around them… You have all found love and had many amazing years, I guess that’s all that really matters in life… We found true love…
Hugs to you all, you’re amazing people and I’m truly sorry for all your loses

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I think the hard thing for those of us who found love is that we know how wonderful life is with it and therefore how empty life is without it. Thinking about another 20 or 30 years without it is heartbreaking

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I met my husband in my early forties. We were together for 15 years. After having disastrous years prior to meeting him, for me it makes it all the more painful that the best years of my life were then taken from me so unexpectedly. I am frightened of the years a head. I don’t want to spend the next year let alone the next 30 without him. I have no idea how you are supposed to continue in life with a broken heart …… I never really knew if such a thing existed…… but it most certainly does.
Im so sorry that we all find ourselves part of this family,
Alan55, how you are managing to continue through all your grief, I applaud you.
My very good friend, who supported me through the loss of my husband, suddenly passed away a few months later in May having suffered a massive stroke. She was only 47.
I think I am coping one day to the next because I am just so numb inside I almost don’t allow myself to breath, think or live properly. I’m at a total loss.
I’m sending you all big hugs and feeling grateful that we can try and support each other xx

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We all, think why, ,what have we / they done wrong, , answer, nothing. Stay strong , stay strong, I wish you some kind of peace.

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Hi Dee,

I feel similarly. I met my lovely partner nearly 17 years ago. I had survived a very difficult marriage and Brian could not have been more different from my ex husband. Gentle, quiet and totally supportive. He died unexpectedly in May this year. This was 9 days after my elderly mother for whom I had been a carer. This was meant to be the time that Brian and I were free to do all the things we had planned. I am finding it hard to imagine enjoying anything I do without him.

Take care.

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Jadel what you have said mirrors me exactly, I too had endured a crappy marriage then when I met Colin I couldn’t believe my luck that I had found the ‘perfect’ man, we only had 12 years together before he was suddenly taken from me three weeks after I had lost my Mum. I was also carer to my Mum & like you thought that once she was gone this was our time to do everything we had planned & dreamt of but now I am on my own with my little dog as well. I have wonderfully supportive family and friends so I still have a social life but it is not the same is it? Nothing will ever be the same again for us without them, we just go through the motions & get through the days as best we can. It has been 21 months for me and the time between each meltdown is getting a bit longer but sadly I think that is the best we can hope for :broken_heart:

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Hi,
My ex partner, cheated on me, my self confidence, was Shattered. Met Shell at work, she gave some self believe, now she is gone, so it’s me now, it’s a frightening thought, but yeah each day it is sometimes a little better. Take care

Oh my word, you’ve had a rotten time. Tbh a tsunami couldn’t recreate the devastion that you’ve been going through. It’s all the chaos of ‘after’ , let alone the loss, that knocks us completely off our feet. And you’ve had a triple wammy of debris to swim, cling and sort through. Keep talking about things the confusion and pain will gradually begin to ease x

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Dear Jules,
there IS more love in the world for you. Even though we don’t feel its presence when and where we expect it to be, it will be there quietly by your side… There Is Love x

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So now someone tries to take an unauthorised payment from my bank, cancelled cards etc, deep breath, something different to focus on . Take care all.

How awful as if we haven’t enough hurt in our lifes then this happens
Some people have absolutely no shame

I’m so sorry for your numerous losses, I feel the pain, I joined today too, god bless you

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Dear Alan you have been through a lot of grief, I hope that you can find some comfort from this group
I read lots of posts before I posted myself, like you I guess in the hope of finding some answers
I’ve found it more helpful than the councelling as
no matter how bad I feel I am not alone or going mad, there are people here who feel the same and truly understand.
I know that drowning feeling.
I lost my darling husband suddenly 18 months ago followed 6 months later by my dear mum.
It’s like your heart has been ripped out.
I was still in shock losing my husband of 38 years when my mum was taken.
As you say, how much heartache can one take, I’ve asked myself that time and time again.
It’s the first time in my life that I’ve been alone and its quite frightening.
I always thought I was a confident person but now I realise it was the unconditional love support and encouragement from my darling husband that made me the person I was.
He is the love of my life and always will be.
I don’t look too far ahead, just day to day and hope that one day I will find myself again because that’s the person my husband knew and loved.
I hope that you too can find some peace in this very different world we find ourselves in
Take care
Christine xx

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Hi Christine. I’m sorry for all your loss. I can’t imagine how you are keeping it together. I’m coming up on one year. Today was horrible for me. I can’t stop crying. I can’t take this pain any more. I hate this empty house. I hate eating alone. I miss him so much. God help me I have had a splitting headache all day. I’m crying now as I write this. Is it getting worse as time goes by?

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