Hi Sheila
Loved your post. I feel exactly the same about being a wife. I always will be Ians wife and my love for him is as strong as ever.
I’ve had such a down day today but you’ve made me feel much better. Thank you so much
Love Julie xx
I was born VE Day Mentor so thank goodness I’m pretty elderly. I knew Freddy Mercury’s sad story although there were things I didn’t know. The thing that has made my situation so difficult is being completely alone. Most days I dont see anyone. I’ve never experienced such a horrible time in my life. I just want to die. When I feel a pain it makes me hopeful that it will take me from this cold, uncaring world.
Oh Mentor I wish you lived near me. I’m also alone like you. Isn’t it sad?
I wish I had someone. My husband’s daughter told me last year when ai badly broke my foot that we would have to pay for help because they were too busy. They are an awful family. Mine are no better. It’s a mess. I have no idea what a I’ll do if my health goes. I have a Great Dane.
Strange you said that Mentor. I saw a comedian on a program the other day. He had been bereaved & he said exactly that. I actually took a copy of what he said I was so moved. I feel that I’m just surviving from day to day. Some days are easier than others. The last two days have been very difficult. It’s like going through a battle.
Actor by day
Widower by night
You voice how I feel Mentor. You were a similar age to me when I lost my husband. It will be a year next February. I can’t think deeply either, if I do I just get shock waves going through me. I can’t cope with it. My escape is the TV, it sends me to sleep at night too. I find it hard to pray because ai always prayed with Brian. My prayers are what one calls arrow prayers. I am constantly asking God to let me leave this cold world. It seems to get crazier by the week. You & I have witnessed enormous changes haven’t we?
People ask me how I am, I reply “Okay sort of”. Their reply is “Good”. How can I possibly be all right. They have no imagination whatsoever.
I did write to a local hospice thinking that it might help me to help others. What do you think?
A good way of putting it George.
Im sure we could all write the book, probably a bestseller
Love Sandra
No one can help except God Mentor. I live on the thoughts of being reunited with Brian in the near future. I actually prefer Facebook messenger, it’s very immediate & one can send photos etc. it’s almost like talking. In fact I speak to people for free on FaceTime.
People have told me that before Sandra. I just say that I wouldn’t know where to start. I could keep Eastenders going for years.
Youre so right. Our retirement dreams were just beginning and they went up in smoke. Perhaps all the advise and information out their for widows and widowers is to stop scaring people
I must admit, thats all Ive heard, you will get used to it or the edges will soften. You will find a new life. Well I dont want it. The only place Ive heard the truth is on here, where we all say it how it is
. You will never recover from your lost love, you will live with the pain until its your turn to go. They dont tell you that its the worst pain imaginable.
Like you Sheila Im greedy those 49 years wernt enough, i wanted more. How can ypu have too much of a good thing?
Sandra
Oh how I agree with you both. The pain will never go away. I think when people are younger it can because very often they make a new life. My ex left me years ago & that was very painful but when Brian & I started a relationship it was over. For us it’s different because we are towards the end of our lives. I presume you are older Sandra because you speak of 49 years. I know if my so called family had enfolded me getting through the past 10 months would have been much easier. The loneliness, the grief of the rejection from the family together with the grief of losing my beloved often completely overwhelms me.
It is good that we are able to share together. It confirms that what we’re feeling is normal & that the outside world does not understand.
I’ve just had a bit of a knock this afternoon. I have a very old Mercedes which we imported from Switzerland when we moved back. I’ve prayed that it will outlive me. I love the car. It’s more than a car to me. I’m sure to the outside world they would think I’m crazy spending money on it. The steering shaft has broken so it’s not going to be cheap. That car has memories, so many memories, I just don’t want to lose it. I feel the same about my beautiful Great Dane. I absolutely dread anything happening to him. These things become enormous to the bereaved. I’m feeling very upset at the moment. It’s awful having no one to talk to about these things. When I say that I mean someone who I see or speak to. I have no one. I don’t want to go on like this for too long.
Yes I am cracking on a bit Velda 64.Was only 15 when we met. Must have been so much harder for you .Its the loneliest time as it is without being alienated by the family.Im glad we’re all here to share this pain, it certainly helps me,
Sandra
I’m feeling really low right now.
We had a lovely mercedes in the 80s it was a 200 I think. What a beautiful car. Phil had such good taste in cars. One of our early cars was a humber sceptre, what a beauty that was. Last year he was looking for an x type jaguar. We searched for a while then I spotted a metalic blue estate. Thats the one he said.He loved that car, even though he only had it for a few months, we did a lot of mlileage in it.Its all cream leather inside… As I dont drive anymore I gave it to our daugher who was looking for a car at the time. She says it not hers shes just taking care of it for her dad . She does that, its immaculate bless her.
I know you can become emotionally attatched to them, hope yours isnt too expensive to fix. Your dog must be a great comfort. I talk to Phil just like hes here, but like you say if you could see them or hear them,
Sandra
You’ve had a lot of people die young there Sheila. I understand completely how you’re feeling. I’m feeling dreadful this afternoon. I imagine people will laugh when I put such importance on a car. It’s upset me. I just feel so alone. I pray that my dog sticks around for a while. I’ve felt suicidal on many occasions. It’s like a miserable desert stretching out before me with no water, the water being love.
Thank you Sandra. It is going to be quite expensive but I’m not doing anything else & it’s important to me. My dog is very important to me.
I learnt to drive in the late 80s .I never enjoyed it. I only drove to my mum and dads when they were alive. Took them shopping, or to care for them as they got older. I drove to work But that was it, any real driving I let Phil do. I was never confident, always nervous, but I suppose it served its purpose at the time. You wouldnt get me behind a wheel now. I have no confidence at all for driving, Phil always said he would get me home safe, and he always did,
Sandra