I hear you and completely understand now this is what I call selfish and insensitive it’s obvious it was all about her, honestly when she said what she did I woukd have let loose on her just like I did with my work colleague who said “that’s no excuse for this behavior”, this was the straw that broke the camels back, when a volcano is ready to erupt what dies it do it just explodes and I think that when this happens just explode you are allowed to, I know we don’t want to insult or hurt people hence why we keep it bottled in , don’t be afraid to be real I think that is the only way selfish insensitive people will or might understand.
After I erupted on my colleague who was self and insensitive with the comment made I have not heard from her since which is good for me because she has shown me her true self and how she treats others who have or experiencing loss of a love one.
Don’t suffer in silence don’t be a push over it only makes your greif worse.
Yes it has only been a month since my husband passed but I am learning to let it out I am tired of selfish and insensitive people.
Think about your mental emotional well being and the effects people like this is having on you.
Well thank you to your Dad, I’ll give myself a laugh with his saying the next time someone says something totally weird about Mum’s death. She had a way with funny sayings herself, knew exactly how to gently take the p*** out of silly people. Always made me feel better.
Thanks Cpmb1958 x I just never know how I’m going to react to people! Inside and out. I’ve learnt that this is one of the unpredictable parts of grief. That particular neighbour is a nosey, time-wasting person so I find it best to just not give her any extra information! Other people are more worth telling what they’re doing wrong, not that it’s easy to make that judgment call…
I think something that doesn’t get talked about enough with bereavement is how confused and disorientated you can feel when it comes to other people. My whole world’s changed so I know I need way more time to begin to get my footing again x
Wow everything I’ve just read is so very true to my life I like ve this site it has really helped me enormously my friends and family don’t really get it and I read these stories and in my head I’m saying yeah yeah that’s so true thanks everyone for being you
Thank you I feel exactly the same way I always have to think what I’m going to say before I actually say it in case I say the wrong thing unintentionally I’ve never had to do this before my husband died and if I thought I’d made an idiot of myself I’d worry what people thought of me until the next time I saw them does this make sense talk about worrying about the little things !!!
That is one thing we have no control of and that is how we are going to feel from day to day just take it one day at a time and remember to take care off yourself and your wellbeing emotionally and mentally comes first
You so welcome I only joined a week ago and have felt so supported knowing that there are others experiencing the same emotions this is a safe place to share your feelings and not be judged or told to “get over it they have gone but you still here”
I’m sorry , this person has never been through anything like this , I lost my hubby in July and I’m struggling every day, there is no time limit for grief, this is your own personal journey you should travel the way you see fit, there doesn’t need to be an excuse , your grief is yours , own it xx
Makes total sense. It’s such a rubbish feeling isn’t it, just when you want to be not worrying. But we’ve been through such massive, horrible change, losing the closest person, and I think it leaves you very vulnerable and uncertain. Don’t beat yourself up for worrying, you’re not doing anything wrong. Hopefully we will feel slowly more robust with time xx
Dear Cpmb 1958
Welcome to this community. I’m sorry we meet in this way. I will not use that over used phrase “I’m sorry for your loss” in my opinion it’s empty and meaningless, however I will give the people who use it the benefit of the doubt as sometimes it’s hard to find the right thing to say.
As for the colleague who made that comment…words fail me! Actually they don’t but I might offend if I use the ones in my head at this moment. Sending hugs to you.
Thank you for your warm welcome, thank you for providing me with a new word to add to my what I call my “Grief vocabulary” it is always nice to learn different was to express your feelings you said it’s hard to say the right words without causing offence I totally agree
You are spot on it is emptiness and very hard to understand.
Megan I am there with you in regards to my colleague, words did fail me as I am not one for using unsavory words but I did let her know how angry and offended by that comment she has not attempted to call me since.
Thanks for the hugs this is one of the many things I miss getting from my husband they made me feel safe and warm wherever I felt down
Dear Cpmb58
You are welcome. I feel maybe I was a bit harsh regarding over use of said saying " sorry for your loss" it’s something you see on detective series on TV by police personnel.
I find people in the community in which I live either avoid me or say nothing or I end up comforting them by saying it’s alright or I trivialise it, why? I have no idea. I think it’s British stiff upper lip. I haven’t cried much in public and on the odd occasion I have I end up saying sorry.
I have yet to visit my mum in law who had to go into care when my husband passed away, her only son, she has advanced dementia and is my responsibility. I have used covid as an excuse. She’s 80 miles away from me too. Then I think the tears will flow.
Warm regards
Megan x
I don’t think you were harh to me uts refreshing to here something different than sorry fir your loss I have found when some people say "my condolences " it is not real its just a natural thing to sat but when it is genuine you know this is what I have just realised now I am grieving.
I have cried several times while in public so I carry sunglasses in my bag as I cannot cope with strangers staring at me and asking “are you ok” with you having to say “I’m ok” when clearly you are not.
Wow I feel for you having to break the news to your mother-in-law. When I had to tell my 98year old Dad that my husband had passed it took him at least 10mins before he was able to process the news I was even dreading to go and tell him thank goodness my sister came with me and told him. I hope you will have someone to go with you when you break the news to her.
Hello Cpmb58
Thanks for hugs. Sorry I mislead you my mum in law has been told but her dementia is very advanced and she can’t grasp it. I’m told by the care staff that she wanders around looking for him. She lost her youngest son in 1978 when he was 15 and her brother was killed in an accident she’s the only sibling left and my father in law died in 2012. It’s been really tough for her and my husband. My husband had a breakdown after his dad passed away and had to take early retirement from The railway industry a job he loved and spent 42 years there hardly a day’s sick. But he fell apart when his dad died and his mum got dementia. You could say he died of a broken heart. So sad to watch and fell helpless. X
Warm regards Megan
Thankyou. I worry about the effect it’s having on our daughter. I said earlier she has found love and her girl friend told me last week that she is going to look after her…
