Misprint
You should do what feels right to you, if you want to celebrate, get some flowers and a card then you do that, just because they are no longer with us it does not diminish your love, your commitment and your love for them.
My husband died last August and I had my first wedding anniversary last November, it was our 20th and my birthday is on the same day, I chose not to celebrate either, but is was only 3 months. I did take my kids out though, we did something they wanted to do, something fun and I bought myself a locket for his photo which I wear close to my heart. This year will be my 50th birthday on our wedding anniversary, I think I will do something small with our children, I don’t care what family and friends say, I’ll do what feels right to me xx
My wife passed away nearly three years ago, and I still put special bouquet,s on her grave on all celebration days, Anniversary, Birthday, Mother’s Day etc, all as if she was still here. Those days are written in our history for the also 50 years. So in my opinion I find it satisfying that I celebrate with her at the graveside, maybe I am weird, but I do believe there is no right or wrong way, do what you feel is right for you.
You are certainly not being weird. I scatter flowers at sea when it’s my sons birthday and the anniversary of his death. Please continue to do, what you do. xx
Hi I think you should celebrate your anniversary you are still married x
Yes by all means ,you once had something so special,it can’t be replaced all the love and care you gave each other.Jim will always be in your heart
Peace and love x
Hi Misprint, my husband passed almost 5 weeks ago. I stayed with my daughter following his funeral last week. When I came home yesterday, there was a small parcel that had been delivered with his name on. I opened it, it is a ring that he had ordered ready for our 7th wedding anniversary. I will be celebrating it in 11 days time. I already have his card and will get some flowers and put them both next to his urn.
What a lovely surprise something you will treasure forever. Its so hard isn’t it? All the best xx
Hi Misprint. Like you and everyone else I still see myself as married. So much for time being a great healer, it’s nearly 5 months since Tim died and it’s getting harder. I marked his birthday at the end of February with a curry get together with the wider family and we had a birthday cake. So go for it, mark these anniversaries in any way that means something to you, especially at the moment when all the news is so depressing. Xxx
Shell , liked an alcoholic drink, vodka and orange, last drink she enjoyed, on her birthday last year, I poured her one, and put it next to her urn, The day she left us, I put the coffee sugar and powered milk in her cup, the water was never poured into the cup. Nearly 2 years later the cup, completel with now dried contents , sits next to her urn, I simply can’t throw it.
Take care all. X
Bless you,wear the ring with pride,hold it rub it ,he is with you always x
Hi Misprint, I think you should do whatever you feel is right to help you through grief. You’re not being weird at all, I’ve done all sorts of things that people would possibly think is strange since the death of my wife Maria last year, I still consider myself as married and I don’t really care what people think and neither should you, do whatever you think is necessary to get through what is no doubt the hardest thing to deal with.
I never tht 2 do that, as I still go up my husband’s grave & his been gone over 4 yrs,
I think that is a lovely idea.
& u do what makes u happy remembering yr husband.
I celebrated our wedding anniversary by visiting my wife’s grave, i sat on the bench which is there in her memory, i cried a little, i smiled at the wonderful memories we shared, and most of all i remembered her! i sat silently staring at the flowers and tributes and it brought it all back to me how much she was loved and is still loved, i will carry this on for the years i have left myself. I won’t ever forget her, she will always be my wife, my best friend, and my soulmate, nobody could ever take her place, she was the one i wanted to share the rest of my life with, I will never get over losing her and i will grieve her passing for as long as i live.
My wife died quite suddenly at the end of January so it’s still very raw but I bought her a card for her 70th birthday, a week after she died. I also bought her a card for Mothers Day. I intend to buy her a card for our Golden Wedding in August as well as putting flowers on her grave. We were together for 54 years in total and always marked our special days so I’m not going to stop as she is still with me in my heart and my head. Please carry on remembering Jim in your own way and ignore anyone else’s views.
I lost my husband around the same time as you lost your wife, @Ploddy - it is still raw as you say. I will continue to celebrate T’s special days and our wedding anniversary in November. You are right, we still love them, we are still married to them and that is a beautiful thing.
Of course you should acknowledge your Anniversary. It 2 years this October since my husband passed, I go with flowers on his birthday our Anniversary why shouldn’t we mark special occasions if it helps you go for it.
I say, you do what you want to do. I kept our wedding anniversary cards and put them on display with a photograph of our wedding day. That’s how I celebrate. As far as I’m concerned I am and you are still married. Do what you want to feel is right.
Hi misprint
I too understand how you are feeling . So many anniversaries come up each year . I lost my husband in July 2019 . I still cry for him and miss him so much and will always think of myself as married to him . Next week will be his 69th birthday and already I am feeling sad but will go to the place where we scattered his ashes on his beloved golf course and wish him happy birthday . We married in 1972 when I was 18 and he was 19 so in October it will be our 50th wedding anniversary not would of but will be he is still my husband . I have decided I will buy the present he would have got for me a white gold signet ring and once again go to his place and toast us with my two daughters . This was also the date we scattered his ashes so a double event . After 2.5 years of grieving for him I would say that never goes away but you gradually learn to live with the grief by your side in a different way not as raw . I miss him so so much and sometimes it all seems pointless but then you start to think about the things you did and smile st these thoughts . Remember it will always be their birthday your anniversary etc even if they are no longer here and whatever gets you through these days is perfectly fine . We all cope in our own special ways .
Gill
Definitely celebrate. Do whatever comforts you. It’s your grief process, . I know I’ve done things my family and friends think are weird and I’ve been told I should just get on with my life. Im not ready and I will keep visiting his resting place and collecting and preserving things that he touched and mean something to me.
It is my husbands birthday on the 21st of April, he would have been 49, I’m planning to just get a takeaway with our kids, he loved a Chinese takeaway so that’s what we will have. At Christmas I bought him a small gift and a chocolate orange (I buy one each for us and the children every Christmas Eve) I put his gift and chocolate on his bedside cabinet and they are still there, the gift still wrapped. I think the children probably thought I’d gone a little crazy but it brought me comfort.