Sitting on my own - afraid of the future

@Deb5

I did and it was the worst decision ever di booked flights & now back home :sleepy::broken_heart: xxxx

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I was thinking to have a break and go to the Cotswolds for a week, a place I always wanted to visit, but I think it is not a really good idea because the loneliness and the despair will always be with me no matter where I go. Might make these feelings even more intense by watching couples and friends going on the same trip and I would be on my own again. I rather stay at home and cuddle his urn as being sad between lots of people I do not know and they do not know what I am going through. So at least I am surrounded by our photos and memories and I can cry when I want. But maybe it is wrong and I should go. I always have the feeling whatever I do will be wrong. I lost a lot of self-confidence since my husband passed away, Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.

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Hi @Annaessex . Its very difficult knowing whether to go on holiday or not. Ive done a few, and at first I found it difficult. But I went again and it wasnt as bad, just sad.
Then a third time, and I realised I didnt miss Penny as much, but what I really missed was doing things as a couple, such as going out for meals etc.
Ive started to wonder why do I go on holiday? I dont really enjoy them, and I dont really feel better when I get home.
Maybe day trips will be better, or activity holidays which Penny would have never ever considered.
Dont rush into it, little adventures…

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Was it not good ? Did you say you went with friends ? Its so hard isnt it cos no matter where we are the sadness still comes :frowning: x

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Yeh i cant go on holiday by myself … too sad … need to go with someone … whoever that is ? Xx

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@Annaessex I’ve just been away. But with my daughter. Don’t think I could go alone yet. I just had this sudden urge I needed to get away from everything so booked a last minute deal. I can’t say it wasn’t hard. I was still crying every day and missing my partner but the change of scenery did make me feel slightly better about everything. The seeing couples was still there and hard to see thinking what I’d lost. Coming home was the worst. Back to reality with a thump but I do think having some time out did help.
I would say go with your gut feeling. If you feel you want to go away go. You can always come back early and at least you know you have tried xx

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Yeg i agree with @Doughtyj if you want to go try it you can always come back early if you dont like it . I managed 5 days on the east coast with my mother and i must admit change of scenery did me good even though i was still sad at times xx

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Last month I was meant to go to Cyprus with my husband and was going to meet up with my parents there. I didn’t go on that holiday. In July my husband and myself had booked to go to Malorca with his best friend and his wife which is a good friend of mine. We been away as a foursome a few times. I have decided to continue with the holiday with his best friend and my best friend is coming as well. I’m going to take a few ashes to scatter. I know it is going to be very hard and really wish I was going with John instead. I really don’t know if I am doing the right thing. :broken_heart::broken_heart:

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You are hazel … even if you get sad you will at least he in a nice place :slight_smile: and you will be with other people too who will help you xx

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Thank you debs… John best friend has known him since they were babies and my best friend consider John a good friend so guess we will be there for each other. I suppose if it gets to much I could take myself off. It is the packing I am going to struggle with as well as I always pack John case. My son is off to Ibiza soon with his friend :astonished:Xx

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I spend lots of time in bed on my iPad,
I have watched every single episode of Big Bang Theory and yesterday I sobbed through the last two! We used to watch them together, not necessarily in order, so it was like a loss again in an odd way.
I’m nine months down the line, the earliest days were easier as I had his mantra in my head and quoted it to people all the time: “The show must go on!” We were performers. These words meant a lot back then but now I am crumbling away.

My son lives in the USA. We moved here 7 years ago, we know no one. My friends are mostly online, not nearby, people to text with as I am doing here with you. It has taken all these months to get a counsellor! Had two sessions, each time he asks if I want to meeet again, I say yes but how do I know if I am meant to say no? My husband was my carer. Now no one cares….

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I know the feeling … my husband looked after me too :slight_smile: and now hes not here anymore … i have family here but they’re next to useless … i have 3 kids but only one of them is behaving and actually caring … its hard isnt it ? And yeh its bound to catch up with you eventually your grief … keep going to your counsellor … i just started mine after months of waiting too xxx

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I lost my husband suddenly on Valentine’s Day this year. I bought the second part of Black Panther and we made plans to watch it munching popcorn. Three hours later he died. I still have the wrapped Blu-Ray hidden out of my sight because I cannot bear to watch it on my own. There are programmes I cannot watch, even the trailers make me cry. So you are not alone. Music, TV series, films, and even magazines remind me of him. I am also on my own. My friends have their own problems. Today I already cried a few times. Even at breakfast because I made one of his favourite sandwiches for me. I am also not the healthiest woman and he always looked after me but I also tried to look after him. It is a horrible situation we are all in. Sending lots of love and hugs.

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Please dont think people dont care .i do .ive arranged to see a Councillor next week .feel now its time .my husband passed 7 weeks ago .im so so lost .my daughter lives in plymouth so not close .ive been blaming myself for kevs death .felt i should of looked after him better .let him down as a wife .it was the cancers fault not mine .i finally realise that now we are going through a terrible journey .one we never thought we would as always thought of ourselves together for ever .here for you .big hugs x

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I feel your pain … i started my bereavment counselling yesterday … felt so sad today think it can make you like that xx

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ThNk you, all. Your messages mean a lot.

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I have just read your post, after after 2 years of caring for my husband of 51 years, he passed away on the 28th of May this year. I ask myself how long will I grieve for him. I have sometimes a few hours of feeling okay, but nothing lasts for long. I actually feel pain inside. My stomach takes turns over and over I just want to cry I miss him so much. How is one expected to live every day carrying this load?

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I wish the pain would go away too never felt anything like it big hugs

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