Hi everyone. I’m new here and messaging for the first time. My husband died suddenly in February. He was at home in the kitchen and just collapsed. Paramedics couldn’t do anything. It’s been really hard coping with his loss. We’d been married nearly 32 years and I feel completely lost without him, more than I could ever have imagined if I’m honest. Tomorrow it will be six months since he died and I know it’s going to be a hard day. I’ve already had his birthday and our wedding anniversary, which were both pretty low times. I’m expecting tomorrow to be just as hard.
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Hi so sorry for your loss it’s the hurdles we have to jump everything is heartbreaking. Lost Mick in March been together 36 years had Father’s Day sons birthday and it is our anniversary next week I’m dreading i. My family took me away for a week several meltdowns then coming home to a empty house. Have you family around you x
Hi Kim. I have my daughter living with me because she lost her job in the music industry due to the pandemic. She’s gone away with her boyfriend this weekend. I’m not sure she’s connected tomorrow to the six months to be honest. Those hurdles are hard. It’s my birthday next week so that’s another one. I’m having a cuppa with a friend tomorrow afternoon. I’m hoping it helps a bit. My thoughts are with you for your anniversary x
Hope your ok or ok as can be tomorrow glad you have company xx
Thank you xx
Hi Kathy. Welcome. You are among friends here because we all know and care. Kim says we have to jump hurdles and that’s about right. When we look at our situation the hurdles seem high and endless. It’s far too early for you to begin to think about the future. No major decisions until later. After twenty months I have found the hurdles not so high and easier to jump over. But the pain of loneliness does still hit me at times. I try to avoid self pity, which can lead to despair. We can never imagine this pain when things are going well. Experiencing grief, which no one ever wants to do, is the only way to know and understand what others are going through. It’s good you are here, and I wish you well and hope to talk to you again. Take care. John.
Thank you John. The future seems such a long way off. I’m trying my best to get through a day at a time. Today’s hurdle is quite a big one but I hope I’ll get over it with help. Hope to hear from you again
Anniversaries are awful. A lady here posted that she is logical and so anniversaries are like another day for her, and logically she is correct, sadly we are not always logical but emotional, and associate anniversaries with happier times, really hope you both manage to get through the difficult anniversaries in the next few days and weeks.
That is sad, but, yeah, it would be very difficult to use those mugs again for quite some time, if ever. Hope you’re doing ok today.
I put it on the wrong thread and don’t know how to delete
They truly are special mugs Kim. But do you know what? I would use them. I use all of my husband’s mugs and some special ones I’ve bought since - they make every cup of tea feel really special in my hands. That’s me though and I appreciate we’re all different. I may be the logical lady Abdullah referred to. 
One can be both logical and emotional and he suggests that anniversaries are associated with happier times - well maybe so, but we had far more happier times than just anniversaries. Every day was a happy time with my man. xx
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We don’t just associate anniversaries with happy times - for example, a death anniversay is associated with a very unhappy time. The point was that we have evolved to associate events with emotions, and so whilst it is illogical for us to get more upset on a birthday or death anniversary than any other day, the way we have evolved means that many people will always find anniversaries extremely distressing.
Aww Kate I never really looked at it like that x
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Anniversaries are markers of time and events that will be tinged with sadness regardless. But that won’t spoil me remembering special moments with happiness and I’m sure that’s the same for many. But again, they will be influenced by the anniversary of what…getting married, celebrating your love on a special day or the sadness of what you have lost. I give thanks every single day for meeting, getting married, having children, grandchildren. So my anniversary days will be tinged but no different from every day where I give thanks for having had such happiness. Guess what I’m saying until you lose a life partner can you really know the sadness that tinges those days,
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Well I don’t think we can truly appreciate some things unless we have experienced them ourselves no matter how much empathy we have. If you haven’t lost a partner you love, you cannot truly feel the pain that someone who has will feel. If you haven’t lost a parent who was the most important person in your life, then the loss of your parent will not feel the same as that of someone whose parent was amongst the most important person in their life. And only someone who has lost a child can truly understand the pain of someone else who has … how we respond to anniversaries varies on the individual, and I don’t think it is helpful to some to reduce our responses into being logical or not …
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Abdullah, it depends upon the anniversary, today is the first anniversary of my husband’s death and I have felt so sad, counting down the hours to the dreadful hour when he died, the saddest day of my life. On the 10th September, we celebrate our diamond wedding, the happiest day of my life 60 years ago, you will understand what I am trying to say, it all depends upon the occasion.
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In my opinion there isn’t any logic in emotions, what upsets one person may not upset another. There is nothing worse than grief and cannot be dealt with or suffered by any one the same,
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Totally agree Mary, but what we do have is a deeper understanding as we support each other. Today will have been a sad one for you, I do understand and likewise I hope when I post about our Golden Wedding Anniversary in 2023 you might celebrate with me 
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Well I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t posted now. I think we might need to take a deep breath and maybe stop and think before posting. (Sorry. Retired teacher!)
Anyway I got through yesterday. Had a nice afternoon with my friend and her husband. Now got to get through my birthday on Tuesday.
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