Dear Friends, Well it’s been six months since my wife died. I saw her headstone on Mother’s Day - I spoke to her, told her how I was doing and how much I missed her. It started raining, but that didn’t stop me. The house was empty, like always, I hadn’t gotten rid of all her belongings as it gives me the sense that she lived here once and it gives the house a sense of comfort. To day I heard a beautiful song on the music channel, it just seemed to be a song about her. I downloaded it, got myself a glass of wine and played it - I reminiced about her (it was a quiet moment), and I shed my tears just remembering how she would do the small things, walk or sing and put things in order (things I guess we all take for granted). I played the song again, and I realized how much I miss her (of course every day I miss her), but this time the lovely song brought her memories to life - she was a real gem to me - she was simple, a happy person, joking around and above all very helpful to me. It’s been six months now - and I miss her more than ever now. Her memory will be forever in my heart and mind. I just wanted to share this with you all - and to let all of you who have lost someone you truly loved that I share your loss and your feelings. Thank you,
Herb 5/28/2020
You have described how it feels to lose your soulmate perfectly, 6 months is such a short period of time, you will never forget her, she sounds as if she was a lovely lady, take care x
Thank you Jude28 for replying to me. I was having a slow day and relived my experiences about my wife and how she was. I could write a lot about her and got to know her very well. We were married for 8 years - bought our home 5 years ago - she only lived in it for four and a half years - she was always making improvements - she loved this house. I sort of relived my time with her - I miss her very much!
Herb
Hello Herb,
I am so sorry that you have lost your wife, it is very hard to come to terms with.
I agree with Jude, 6 months is no time at all, my husband of 59 years, died just over 9 months ago and I am nowhere near getting use to him not being here with me. Having said that, I do feel his presence and I know that he is watching over me, by the warm fuzzy feeling it gives to me.
Take care,
MaryL
Thank you Mary, As for me, life is not the same anymore - I come home to an empty house with only possessions my wife owned. I am trying to my life as normal as possible. I say each day - I wish my wife were still here with me - and if I had her I would be a perfect husband , never allowing her to see a setback. I wanted to make her happy to the best of my ability. My heart hurts - and is broken - I can only do the best I can, and I never stopped never loving her even when things didn’t go right. She made my life worth living, and I loved her for it. Thank you for your kind message.
Herb
Hello again, Herb,
One day and of this I am certain, when the time is right you and your wife will be together again. I do believe that in a way we are lucky, if we we hadn’t been blessed with such love, we would not be grieving so much and feeling this agonising pain. It is agony, every afternoon or maybe I should say most afternoons I have this awful pain, which has to fade on it’s own until the next day. I miss my husband so much. I do understand how you are feeling.
Mary
I feel for you. I lost my wife in April. I too hear the songs we loved. Her Birthday was in May 1 month after I lost her. There are so many occasions that bring her back. I really feel your pain.
Derek, Thank you for your message. I am truly sorry four loss! Your photo shows a time of happiness - what a pity that we are where are now. I agree with, there are so many moments and occasions where all we want is to be with the women that we truly loved. Thank you once again friend,
Herb
Your welcome. If you need/want to chat, I’m here as you are here for me I’m sure, were going through the same nightmare.
Derek, If you wish, you send me a message anytime.
I am greencat aka Herb
Have you got Facebook account or WhatsApp. Would be good to share. [Edited by moderator]
Hi Derek, I recently signed up for facebook - hopefully, I did it right. Well, this past weekend I spent time again grieving for my dearly departed wife again. Some days are OK, but weekends are tough! (especially Sundays).
So I slept in late today, never giving a thought about chores and groceries. I’m at home, was going to tend to her plants but lost my concentration. I think about her and how she wanted the house and garden to be kept up. It’s hard to keep your chin up (as the British say), but I take what courage I have to hold on to my dignity and composure. (sometimes it’s just an act - I should get an academy award). I lined up a few chores and things I will do tomorrow, but today, all I keep doing is wishing she was still here - the place is empty and lonely without her. She was an important part of my life - I think back on the early days when I first met her and how we progressed to today. Just wish it could have lasted longer. Anyway, didn’t , mean to sob on your shoulder, I just miss her today! Oh, by the way, you would think that our families and friends would just drop by to say hello, but it’s been months since. I’ll be Ok, just go thru these months from time to time. Thank you for reading my post.
Your friend,
Herb
Hi Herb. Yes I’m on Facebook and as for your feelings I’m exactly the same. Only been 2 months for me and I miss her every minute of every day. I really feel for you as I am going through the same emotions. I have a drink every night as it’s the only way to get to sleep. I have family that I can see and other that I Facetime with but it’s not the same as seeing them in person. Hope you are ok and as I keep getting told. "Stay strong " . Yeah I know
I sent a message on the facebook - so you know I’m still here thinking of you.
A Friend,
Herbert
Hi Derek, I don’t know if get on this forum or not anymore - but I came onboard to say that in the past week, I have been trying to do some indoor cleanup- and it just about breaks my heart to find myself finding her belongings, souvenirs and holiday things (she was very big on holidays, birthdays, and sending cards and things to family, friends etc. I spent the last week, trying to organize her cups, coats, photos of her when she was a young girl, etc. I looked at all but had to quit because an overwhelming sadness was bringing me down. Of course I spent time reliving memories as well as remembering her. It’s been 7 months since died. I didn’t have the heart to do much of anything. I thought of throwing her stuff out - but somehow I will have to do this a t another time when I am more up to it. I was wondering how you handling things on your side of the ocean??? I get days like this from time to time, and just handle the best I can. She used to do some artwork and some paint by number pictures - she was getting good at it. I brought the out and may hang up a few of the paintings. Anyway, just to say I OK - as I said, I get days like this. Let me know how you are doing.
Herb
I’m 4 weeks without my wife tomorrow. I can see that what I’m feeling now is normal and I feel it will never go. My lovely Allison was only 53 and taken suddenly thanks to the GP not doing their job. So hard after 22 years of an excellent marriage.
Please keep sharing your experiences as it does help me and others to manage or try to manage what we are going through.
Dear Jay, I just want tell you how sorry I am to have read about the loss of your lovely wife — As you may note from previous post, it’s been 7 months and I loved her dearly - and miss her every day now. I manage to do what I must as well as be here for my family and friends, but it’s not like it used to be. I relive moments we spent together - look at her photos, of places we went, as well as her personal souvenirs - I even remember some of them. That’s how I spend some of my days, I’ll never forget her. I said all this because
you will understand how I feel -and I also feel for as well as some others who have experience a loss. Yes talking about it helps, It’s true, I don’t know all of you but I can sense that neither you nor I as well a others are bonded together and have this in common. I wish I could meet all of you - but as a former service man, a letter from home always had a way to make my day – I hope this forum will help to lift our spirits today. May the Lord bless and protect you,
Herb
Derek Herb Jay, hi, as a very recent member of this widowers club/collective, with just a week of grieving, of going into sobbing, for seemingly unrelated reasons or a song, tv program, film, halts my time into this reflection and seemingly peaceful moment, with all 3 of you as senior boys in the yard, as offered between the three of you, I would like to be here for the opportunity to gain release??? , as well as blow steam,
I am new to the experience so bare with my floundering
Do worry about rambling I do plenty. It is so raw. 4 weeks tomorrow she was stolen from me suddenly. It is hard for blokes for many reasons. Every night for the past 5 weeks I’ve not got to sleep without wet eyes. Sometimes uncontrollable. Just go with it. I’m not fighting it. The pain is to much to fight
Go ahead Colin, We are like brothers here, also we’re here for each other. Feel free to tell us story - also about who she was too. We’re here to listen, sympathize and help in whatever way we can. My sympathies come your way — seven months later I still cry for my wife - my home is empty without her. I miss her!
Herb
P.S: Welcome to the club!!!