Six months and I still miss her

Reply on new posted topic, having typed the “reply”, Thanks for the idea it was very therapeutic

Friends, I see the sorrow and the need for comfort with you all. How many men have dropped out because of this? Yes, I lost my lovely wife - Sure, I miss her and would do anything to have her back. Please write about these women in your lives. How much you loved them, I will not criticize you at all — I hope we are all friends, and if one hurts - we all hurt and sympathize. There was a time, I know I was rude to her – how I regret that now!! I’m not perfect, but if I could I would be the perfect husband today. Oh how I miss her!!
I rely on your replies as much as you do mine! Please keep your heads above water guys. We’re all in this together – and if it makes a difference, all are welcome.
Thank you all,
Herb

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Dear Jay, I hope you are doing OK, we all care!
Herb

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I’m ok whatever ok is now. Been hard day. First wake-up missing her then post delivers notice of her bank accounts being closed. Had a service at her work which opened emotions of last week (funeral) then back home alone. After 23 years that’s hard.

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Dear Jay, Thank you for writing back, I can under stand your feelings - it’s hard I know. I remember quoting Galations 5: 22- 23 at my wife’s funeral - (I didn’t want to let her go) - I saw tears in the audience, because that’s the kind of person she was. Oh how blessed I was to have her, but more than anything I give everything to have her back. And Oh how I miss her even after 7 months. Somebody once said, that money or success in this life cannot buy love - how do you buy that???:? THanks Jay, I just wanted to bear my heart out - thanks for hearing me.
Herb

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I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and I didn’t really realise how much I loved everything about him.
I miss everything about our life, the fun and the rows and the moans.
I found the one but he’s been taken away from me too soon. Xx

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It is so hard, painful and indescribable heartache. That knife keeps twisting and I find the smallest reminder sets me off. This morning seeing her toothbrush was just one of them. Somehow, don’t ask me how we do get through. It.

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I had the same, that suddenly as I saw her brush, I couldn’t bring myself to remove it

Dear Colin, I had the same experience - I just left her items where they were for a long time - some items are still there for now. I hated getting rid of her stuff. Still do. I know she’s not coming back, but I just feel the need to keep them as they were till I feel I can let them go - a little at a time. This is only my experience, you must decide when and if this is something you need to do. My wife’s toothbrush stayed in the cabinet till 3 months later. Some items, like a hair brush, purse I.D. tag from her job I still keep. I don’t like to do this but it’s your choice. Sorry friends, this all I can offer. Keep everything that reminds you of her till you are ready . If not keep them, that’s what I did for now.
Herb

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Dear Yorkie, I was the husband of a women I deeply loved and missed to this very moment. As a man, I can tell you that no matter the circumstance, I am sure he deeply loved you. He knew you loved him, even for better or worse he loved you. Us men have different ways of expressing love and feelings - but we know we do love everyone - some of us have a hard time expressing it - but believe me he loved you and he knew it and so should you. I am truly sorry that you lost him. I wish I could say the right things that will help you you feel a little better - but all I can do is offer you my sympathy - wishing you the best. May the Lord help you through this/ Bless you!
Herb

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Thank you,
It’s so difficult isn’t it. You just want the pain to disappear.
So so hard.
I’ve been reading a lot of articles about grief and all I’ve seen is that it cannot be rushed and you have to get through this pain and desperation to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But days and nights if I’m not sleeping well just seem so long and empty.
Thanks for the message.

I’m the same with my husbands belongings, everything is as he left them. I’ve still got the 2 bags in the lounge from the hospital because I just can’t move them. The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, it does feel like you’re not going to make it through another day but somehow you do.

It’s six months today that I lost my soul mate and it seems like yesterday. I feel so so alone and so called friends have drifted away and got on with their own life’s. It’s such a struggle and feel so empty, anxious, sad and just existing - but only barely. I’m
So so sad since I lost him and my life is not existence.

It is so difficult especially when others have got back on with their lives and ours are in a unclimbable pit.
4 weeks yesterday I lost my wife suddenly, unexpected and way too young. I don’t know how long shock lasts but I’m still in it and I bet you are too.
I’m just surviving in a world that I don’t want to be in. At 49 totally unexpected to be in this position. Never got a chance to get thinking in order before she passed.
Just keep strong and live every day for them so they will be proud of you. Trying to tell me this while I type it.

Oh no, thats very recent. I am so so sorry for your loss and sadness. You are so right what you say, but putting it into practice is so much harder. Try and stay as strong as you can, but it is not easy and I have tears coming down for face as I type. Wish I could tell you something that takes away the pain

I know nothing can take it away without being silly. I’m in tears most of day. Even in a shop. Too many reminders. Just feel totally destroyed

I wish I knew if anyone had an answer for all this- and if so, could you please share it with us all?
It’s difficult to go on without our devoted loved ones - They made a difference in our lives…
Herb (aka greencat)

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My heart goes out to you, I have no words I am just holding my own emotions, but thats not the reason for hoping that you find yourself a means, a something, all the best

I know what you mean, think people just want to believe that it’s all ok now but they don’t know what this pain is and it’s just not going away. Everything seems pointless and not worth doing anymore. I’m feeling as though these days are getting longer and longer,I can’t concentrate on anything, and I just want my husband to come home.

Oh my - what a powerful thread this is !
Gentlemen, my heart goes out to you all , and although none of us want to be here, I admire the support & honesty you offer each other. Allow yourselves to grieve in whatever way you need., for as long as you need. I lived very rural, and the first few weeks I could step outside and scream at the sky - very therauputic (primal scream). Let the tears flow - you have to release the tension that builds up. Losing a great love, causes great pain. It is a trauma to the body,mind & spirit and it takes time to heal.
Yorkie, I remember how absolutely overwhelming everything was the first few weeks . Triggers were everywhere, and everything was a trigger. They still exist, but they are not as frequent and often not as painfully devastating.
Carltonvpl - It is very hard being alone. It is very hard to heal from this trauma. I force myself to participate in life, even though it often feels hollow and empty. I know he would want me to overcome my grief and find some joy, and to remember and realize that life is a gift.
It is one year today I lost my husband of 40 years. It has been the worst year of my life, but I have made it this far. I never knew such pain. In a heartbeat I went from “us and we”, to “me & I”. It’s a new life. Not one that I wanted or expected, but the one I have been given. There is nothing I can do to change it - nothing I can do to change what came before. It’s very hard to accept this - I work on it every day.
I was told in the beginning that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I could only see blackness. But now I believe there is light somewhere up ahead. I have felt delicate, fleeting moments of joy. I am able to laugh again. I am able to feel fortunate that I had his love for as long as I did - many are not that blessed. My goal now, is to be the woman he loved and to honour his spirit in all ways possible.
I

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