I have never experienced such kindness and care. I was so doubtful about this but although you never met my June and don’t know me, you get it.
We hurt. We hurt so bad that I dread waking up. Another empty day.
I have friends who want to help but don’t know what to say. they hurt, but frankly, at the moment, I don’t care about them. My June is gone. Nothing else matters
I’ve redone my Will and am clearing junk from from the attic and garage. i can’t touch her stuff yet. When my time comes, hopefully soon, everything will be organised so my daughter won’t have to.
Thank you all, it’s not nice reading of your hurt and pain, but somehow it’s comforting to know that there are people who understand what I’m going through without having to say it. I just want her back
Thanks Dave, Your last line is what I say every day “I want her back” I miss her totally. Yes, I’m doing the same. I’m clearing out stuff and re-organizing. I told my wife’s sons they are welcome to view and take whatever they wish. Well, it looks more like I’m a storage man - My wife did a lot of paint by number and artwork (some of it really nice! ). I have put a few of these drawings in a frame and placed them in strategic spots. I have her sketch pads and canvass paintings and I look at them, I remember most of them .
She had Christmas cards and gifts waiting to be sent or delivered, I took them out for delivery. I don’t hang around too much, because it really makes me sad to tell family and friends about her. I usually make up an excuse about appointments, etc. I must say she really touched my life. I see their tears and then I start in too. You are right about empty days, I had one today. I am not a caring person but I am learning to be like her - she was that way! I’m glad you responded back. My wife was a caring person - she inspired me and I hope I can do that too in her memory. Thanks friend, you made my day. Best Wishes!
Herb
Thanks Colin, We can only take one day at a time. It’s been nice communicating with people (like you and a few others) that understand each other. I hope you will be OK, and feel free to communicate with us when you can. Thanks for the response!
Herb (a.k.a. Greencat)
I am not sure where I am, due to Helen contracting the virus and virtually being out of our lives, 24th Jan. for 4 weeks she was not able to talk on a phone (not allowed her phone, kindle, magazines etc.) It took St Valentine’s day to break the ice wall of her ward, ( moved from icu, to ward for virus, on oxygen etc). (April) Then her 70th, I sat outside the ward, to deliver her cards etc (phone), it was 2 days later that we put her on speakerphone for the family to hear. I watched all of our kids go into painful sobbing crying. As did I, it was relief but not?. Independently we had all realised we may never see her again. Then nursing home, return to a different further away hospital, back to the nursing home, (the staff there had not expected Helen back. 19th June it was over.
Now as we slowly move towards her final trip as a family to the crematorium, I believe that we are accepting the reality, blessing her release, and dealing with the creditors, officials, as professionals from our own lifes experience has granted us. It is not easy, it can still be painful and sobbing, as a family we have bonded, whether right or wrong, I am moving on. This Helen and I had discussed. Or maybe we are due the next hurdle etc.
Dear Yorkie, I’ve not been on here for a while, my husband died suddenly in September last year. I’ve seen a few of your posts and my heart goes out to you, because I know that you will be feeling all the things I felt, and I wouldn’t want anybody to go through that. It’s 9 months since my world collapsed. Like you he was taken suddenly . I never got to say goodbye. For a while I was insensible…grief knocked me flat. But with the help of my amazing friends I somehow kept going. I just want to reach out and to tell you that the pain will change. What you’re feeling now…the fear and sadness will lessen. I still miss my Tim with every fibre of my being…and I still tell him I love him every night. I still cry a little most days…but in between I can function. I’m beginning to make my life alone . I feel a bit like a mole emerging out of the ground after many months in the dark…what I will say is this…it is the worst pain ever, you’re frightened and lonely and sad. But inside of you, there’s you. And you have the strength and courage to make it through.
Colin, I read this post just now - it was sad to read. The end to anybody’s life and observing the grief a family must fee’ especially the spouse, in this case. 19th of June is not that far away. Almost a month, for me it was on Christmas - I was invited to my wife’s, sons home. I really felt out of place while the grand kids had treats and then opened present. I just about broke down when my wife’s present was given to the grand kids. I can identify with you Colin, just that my experience was a little different. For me, I sometimes think I have adjusted and getting back to normal, but I can honestly say it hasn’t. I am OK at times, doing things I need to do, and as long as I’m busy doing things I’m OK temporareily. I get moments when I am thinking of our experiences, and then the sadness enters. My wife just dropped dead in front of me. I have lost ever since. This site helps. Stay well!
Herb
In other words, I try not to think of it, but want to honor her memory. That’s why I posted her artwork, but in a minimum manner. Certainly, I try to treat everyone kindly, have no problem saying thank you to everyone - that’s what I learned from my wife. It’s not always easy, but I am trying. She was a lovely person — I miss her so much!
Herb
I feel like I’m working on it - but progress is very slow in coming. On the other hand, I do have some good days, But the progress is slow.
Thanks,
Herb