I lost my dearly loved husband very unexpectedly 6 months ago. l didn’t get the opportunity to say a last goodbye to him and l torment myself daily with the thought that perhaps he didn’t know how much l loved him. However, in my saner moments, l am absolutely sure he did know, and l certainly know that he loved me.
I joined this community earlier this week and have been struck by how many of us face the same issues - people we thought were good friends suddenly disappearing, family members taking a step back and the like. I know who my true friends are, and they are an absolute Godsend.
In terms of progress, l returned to work about 6 weeks after my beloved’s death, which l credit with keeping me grounded to some extent. I see the family and friends l want to see - l even ventured abroad with my son last weekend for a short break, so l am trying to make some kind of life for myself. I go to the gym and l have taken up meditation, both of which seem to give me some relief.
However, l close the door on a night, go into the living room after work and he’s not there waiting with a cuppa, wanting to hear about my day - he’d taken early retirement and l was due to follow him soon - and that’s when it hits me. That this is my life now. I can’t imagine ever filling the massive gap he has left, but l am going to do my best to make him proud. I still cry every day, because l miss him so much and am so lonely without him, whether l am with other people or on my own, and l write a note to him every evening - l tell my son that he will have loads of notebooks to get rid of if/when anything happens to me
It remains the case that l often take one step forward, then take two steps back. There is no rule book for this and l will just take my time and try not to be too hard on myself.
I am so pleased l found this community, it makes me realise l am not alone x
So very true.
It has been 4 months for me
Tonight have been unable to sleep
Sometimes this happens other nights broken sleep. I miss him so much cant stand the empty bed next to me and what the future holds anymore.
Take care Lynne x
Aw what a lovely thing to say and yeh its a great community on here because we all understand each other, the heartbreak we feel , missing their presence. You take it all for granted when theyre here but i enjoyed my husbands love so much, i just have so many regrets i didnt make him go to drs earlier but never expected that at only 60 he was so poorly, im sure he didn’t either. But there were signs. But in this mad world we now live in maybe they were too subtle to notice ? He was notoriously bad at looking after himself too
You made me smile with the cuppa - my husband loved his cups of tea
Somebody said on this site we will see them again one day. I hope thats true ? Life is very hard but as you say we have to try live it for them but some days it really is a struggle and i wish he was here with me, i miss those arms around me Its a testament to the love we had for them that we are hurting so bad because as the queen said in lockdown i think ? Grief is the price we pay for love . She was so wise that lady. Xx
Yeh broken sleep for me tonight - my daughter took tiny bit of my husbands ashes today to put in a necklace that you can buy so that she always has some of him near her … she was in floods of tears. We have to make best of this life dont we ? Its so very short indeed xxx
@YorkshireRose . Your story is similar to mine. I lost my Pete in April from a cardiac arrest when he was out cycling. He never regained consciousness and we switched the life support 6 days later. We were about to retire too. I am rudderless, all our future plans gone. My friends and family are great but there is a gaping hole in my life. I am trying to be positive and make plans, try new things, but it just covers up my despair. Fake it until you make it i guess
It’s awful, isn’t it @Freefaller ? We had so many plans for the future, they vanished in an instant.
Been sat watching Strictly this evening, he loved it as much as l do, and l am missing him pretending to be an expert, telling me what the celebs are doing wrong. It’s stuff like this that brings it home to me how my life has changed. I try to be positive, l really do, but l feel like l am dying inside without him. Just have to give it time, l guess x
Yes it would seem when we are looking forward to retirement it is taken away and we are left alone to go through any plans made on our own. Life can be so cruel and leaves us with the decision to try doing it alone but it was not what we wanted. We wanted to relax share retirement do things together doing it alone scares frightens me.
I am only 4 months into my nightmare so i only hope in time i can do some of the things we spoke about. Tonight is hard like most weekends but somehow we get through the hrs days weeks months and soon the years. I wish i could turn back time so i could speak to him before he was taken suddenly and unexpectedly from me but i cant all i can do is cry and remember that day with dread. You just dont know how much time you have in life and i realise how precious it is but i still feel the sadness it brings me tonight. Take care Lynne
@YorkshireRose@Galaxy75 . I watched Strictly tonight with a friend . Pete and i had bought a holiday home in Devon during lockdown. Our plan was to spend more time down here from our retirement this month. Coming here is bitter sweet. I love it so much, we have beautiful sea views, which calm my soul, but and its a big but, i miss him so much, thinking he should be beside me, sitting on the balcony or walking the coastal path. I’m lucky my friends have come down here with me, and i enjoy it, but its not the same. I feel lonely without him. Sending love to everyone feeling this horrible grief. Xx
Watched strictly too - good wasnt it but yeh that feeling of being alone no matter who you are with is a tough one. ( lost our soulmate haven’t we thats why),I found recently some dog walk friends and they are nice ! Gets me away from the many 30 somethings on my street ! Lol … xx
Im going to s choir taster session next week and thinking of joining a rambling group to expand my circle of friends now im not at work. Hopefully it will give some structure too. Take care.
Hi @Freefaller
I joined rock choir last week and also book club which meets once a month in the evenings. Dont like being out at night as where i stay is quite secluded andvi font drive but will just get a taxi home.
The choir practice is during the day so no problems during the day except 1hr travel each way to get to it but thats one day used up in the week.
Dont have many friends near and retired now so need to make effort to meet people or could go all day without seeing or talking to anyone.
Hope you enjoy the taster session x
@Galaxy75 , thinking about book club too as i love reading. Also a friend and i are going to a taster session for U3A the following week. I don’t know much about it so looking to find out. I do drive but not keen on coming back to an empty house in the dark, so trying to find things to do during the day. I look after my mum a couple of times a week and grandchildren so keeping busy. Thank you for your support , i hope you enjoy your singing!
Hi @Freefaller
I also have joined U3A group to see what they gave to offer seems like lotsbof choices of classes available. Looking to join the theatre group who do trips once a month drama musical and opera.
I have never been to opera or ballet but willing to give it a try in the future.
Take care Lynne x
Ballet is surprisingly noisy. It’s the clomp clomp of the blocks in the toes of the point shoes. Went once. I didn’t really get on with opera. As a child used to get a lot of free tickets to sadlers wells. Real variety. Gilbert and Sullivan, plays, opera, ballet. I am sure you will love it.
@Pudding@Galaxy75 My beloved and l actually went to see ballet for the first and only time about 6 weeks before he died - it was the Ballet Rambert production of Peaky Blinders, based on the tv show we both loved. It was absolutely mesmerising. Don’t know if we’d have gone to see any more, but l wish we could have had the chance x
Gosh, I could have written your exact same words. 6 months for me too. My life changed in an instant and I’m trying to navigate a new path but its so hard. I’ve bought myself a campervan, I figured I’m not up to getting on a plane any time soon, hotels and B&Bs seem so lonely in the evenings and holiday cottages are so expensive if booking for one. So
I thought I’d give camping a go. Just me and my dog and the open road. First trip is next weekend, I just hope I won’t feel too lonely.
No, you are certainly not alone and the loneliness is the worst thing. I lost my husband last January, and I also lost our daughter over two years ago. I have a son, but I can’t talk to him about my loneliness as it just upsets him and he gets angry. I know he has also lost his sister and his Dad, but he won’t talk about it to me. He says he is dealing with the grief in his own way, . and I feel as though I am a burden to him now. I wish he understood how I feel. He has his little baby and partner to keep him sane. I have nobody, not at home anyway. I have support from the rest of my family, but it is not the same when you live by yourself. I feel very low sometimes.
Don’t think I could handle that. I was thinking more on the lines of a shed in the woods. !
I have just moved into a very small cottage which needs a lot of work to make it comfortable. God alone knows why I bought it. I was mad when I made this decision.
It is surrounded by trees, but the house is very dark. Maybe I chose it because the house matched my mood.
I told my son I just wanted to escape to a shed in the woods, and he just said “you have”!
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