It’s only been 4 weeks since losing my best friend, husband, lover and soulmate.
The rollercoaster of emotions is unbearable.
Those first few weeks people keep in contact but since the cremation it feels like everyone thinks that life goes on. But how can it when you have lost your purpose in life.
I’m trying so hard to carry on living but the tears keep coming with no warning. Asked for help from Dr to try and get some sleep but just got told it’s natural under the circumstances.
Never done a post like this before but feels good to get it out there
So thanks for reading
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Hello @Catlady84,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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Dearest @Catlady84
Bless you my lovely.
You have found a good place to come.
So I’m glad you have posted a message.
The most important things
I can say to you are
- Be kind to yourself
And - However you are feeling is ok and right.
And don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
We deal with our grief in our unique way.
Love hugs and strength to you my darlin’
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So very sorry you lost your loved one it is unbearable I know it’s like something pulled the heart out of you.
I I lost my partner of 45 years 19 days ago to womb cancer and miss her so much life seems pointless now every day it hurts and hard to hold back the tears. Getting sleep is hard I wake up every night at 3am or 4am
Just living day by day to get through it
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Tomh
Your message struck home with me the grief is unbearable. After 40 years together you become a single entity.
I miss the simple things his cheeky smile him telling me “I love you”every day I even miss the annoying things!!
Just having him in the same room for the everyday chit chat…. The silence is deafening.
Those nights which drag on with an empty space beside me and remembering the good times.
People keep saying time heals but it’s hard to take at the moment.
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Yea me too my partner Jackie would say lots of funny things and joke about stuff each day which made me laugh and made my day and I loved her smile it was so beautiful.
Yea I get you. we would have a chit chat every day about something stupid but it made laugh now I don’t think I will laugh again.
I go to bed alone now which is killing me I have kept her pillow beside me as it makes me feel better. I miss cuddling up to her at night.
The silence is deafening so I put my ipad on youtube and just let a podcast run for hours as I cannot stand the silence in the room
Yep Sleep is a real problem the empty bed and silence!!!: I Manage about an hour of sleep due to exhaustion and then wake and yes I also have to put some sounds to distract me.
Hopefully we will laugh again my husband wouldn’t have wanted me to feel this devastated but it’s hard to find joy at the moment
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I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately life does go on but we are stuck in this hell.
Well done for reaching out
I am here for a chat if needed.
Dear Catlady84
I am so sorry about your loss , I understand exactly how u feel I lost my wife in May.
I felt exactly as you for the first few weeks lots of people were contacting me , but once the funeral was over they got on with their life’s, most I have not heard from since the funeral.
I felt so lost and lonely and found the only way to cope was to keep busy .When I’m busy it takes my mind off the loss.
During the summer I felt I was coping ok ,I tried to find something to do most days and it was only the evening that I felt lonely .
However Since the weather changed I find it getting more difficult . I find some days I get up and think to myself what am I going to do today . I feel so bored and lonely some days seems to drag on for ever .
I did have trouble sleeping initially but over the last 5 months the sleeping has improved .
The thing that hurts the most is that I can’t enjoy anything , I feel so guilty that my wife is not there to enjoy things like we’ve done over the last 40 years.
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Life is so confusing at the moment. We all want what we can’t have - our loving partners and the joy love and companionship that they shared a lifetime with us.
I try to do normal things that we always did together but his seat in the car is empty, the places we enjoyed are not the same without the handhold and smile and chat
How do we carry on !!! I try and keep busy as you say and it does drown the unhappiness from my brain for a short period then the guilt sets in that I may have enjoyed a few minutes in a day. when that never ending stillness of an evening arrives all I have are memories
I’m dreading the clocks changing and winter darkness descending. I’m only hoping that the pain will ease in time. This site does help - expressing feelings in a safe space is cathartic so thanks for reading and let’s remember those happy memories.
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It’s a month today that I lost my darling husband. The emptiness and loneliness is never ending.
I have some wonderful friends who try and get me out but it’s true you can still feel lonely surrounded by people. The tears still come and are flooded with memories
The nights are bad it’s 4am and I’ve been awake for hours just lying here with an empty space beside me wishing for something I will never get back. The lack of sleep on top of the grief makes it difficult to function. I’m starting to get anxious doing the simplest things and shake at the thought of going out so have to really push myself. It would be so easy to hide away.
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Yea it’s a month to the day for me too that I lost my partner the pain is never ending it’s 5am for me I wake up every night at this time
I feel the pain and torment you have been through the last month. I don’t sleep but keep wishing I could wake from this nightmare.
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I have tried not to think about her putting her out of my mind as it is the only way I can cope is that wrong am not sure but I can only do this a short time as her memorys will flood back at sometime in the day normally in the afternoon
No it is not wrong that’s the only way you can exist.
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I try to keep busy but he is always in my thoughts. mornings I agree are easier as things to do, but by 3pm the sadness returns It’s not wrong to try and keep our loved ones from our thoughts. I would go mad if I didn’t just a short period of respite. But yes it doesn’t take long before the memories and longing returns.
I’m struggling at the moment always been confident but now suffering panic attacks.
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How long from your loved on passed?
How are you today?
He died 1 month ago today we had 41 gloriously happy years together. Went out for a few hours with friends today who have a caravan but wasn’t the same without my love. I had a real panic before going out but calmed down. But started again when realised coming back to a quiet empty house. Is there no end to this torment.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Sending a big hug & strength 