So alone

Bless your heart. I too have started to have panic attacks. Never , ever had then before losing my husband. I managed to go to Tesco, and roght thete in the middle of the shop, it started. Couldnt breath, felt as if i was going to explode if i didnt cry, so left my shopping and some nice ladies that work there, took me to the side where i just broke down. I dont know what life is going to be like.

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I can so relate to those feelings. More and more whenever I go out somewhere I feel as if could fall apart at any moment. I went to Tesco on Christmas Eve and it was so full of people it felt like the world was revolving but I wasn’t part of it. Sometimes when I’m driving I feel that way too. Sone days I drive just to kept moving if that makes any sense but returning to no-one always feels overwhelming. It’s better to share these thoughts and feelings here as others just don’t seem capable of understanding.

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That is all so true. I couldn’t get out of my car a couple of days ago, as i got home, as i was crying so much. Knowing i had to go into an empty house. No one is alone on here. X

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I too can relate. Tried going to the mall just to walk around. Lasted 10 min. Started hyperventilating, all I could think about was my sweet beautiful husband and getting out of there. So hard.

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I completely understand how you’re feeling. Lost my husband November.
I have found that my feelings and heartache have intensified with the approach and now start of new year.
Really struggled the last few days.
I just want to go back, go back to when I could still see and cuddle my husband

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@Karetired
I haven’t been out anywhere since before Christmas apart from in fields to check on sheep.
Real life is meant to restart this afternoon so I know I’ll be tired tonight.

I have to go out and do things even if only for my daughter, (we have no public transport even if she did feel confident enough to use it) although some things do help - for example playing table tennis and badminton. The old instinct to play kicks in and during the games I am not over thinking. Also, Richard did not play those sports so memories of it don’t include him to such an extent as other things.

I think the best way for me was to try easing back in to do anything I did on my own first so that may help others too.
:heart:

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I know the feeling as well, I lost my wife Julie on the 19th September 2022, I hated Christmas and the new year but I know I need to get back to a normal life which is not at all Easy, I have a son who is disabled so he needs looking after as well, by luck, well if you can call it that we lost my wife’s mobility car as she passed away but we got another under my sons name, so now the hard work comes to build a life without Julie anymore, it’s going to be hard but we will be able to get on track again somehow, I hope you manage to get on with your life as well, I’m always here to chat to if you want, I’m told I’m a good listener, good luck.

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Not sure if others have had this, but when you first notify people of your loved one passing they seem concerned for you. As soon as the funeral has taken place, everyone goes back to their “normal” life and forgets that we are still suffering?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect people to be around me constantly or always calling/messaging - they do have their own lives to live.
But the odd you do try to reach out if you’re having an extremely bad day - you’re just met with ‘it will get better’ … and ‘go out, have a night off’ … the worst one ‘dont be alone, meet someone’
My husband has only been gone since November, he was my world, my absolute everything. Why would anyone thing I’d want to go out or even more so meet someone else?
I was at a very low when I tried reaching out - that didn’t help so I actually contacted the Samaritans (they were great, can’t thank them enough)
Now if anyone decides to ask how I am, I just say ‘ok I suppose’
I can’t imagine what those of you with children are going through.
My ‘children’ are pets (not your usual pet) - they are the only reason I am still here - they need me, so I am trying to survive for them (that may sound stupid to some people, but they are my responsibility & are the ones who are currently looking out for me)
I have a couple of battles to fight for my late husband, need to seek advise, but at least I know for definite I have noone around me to try support me. That’s fine.
I will try my best

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Yes friends and family say they are there for you but you don’t see or hear from them after the funeral. I’ve found the only one you can truly depend on is yourself.X

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Loobyloo2 it’s awful isn’t it?
I have actually thought back to losses my family/friends have had … I do reach out … Still do on certain anniversaries.
I understand they have their own lives… But just a little thought (a genuine one) goes a long way.
If you ever need an ear… Feel free, even if it’s to shout, vent, whatever is needed. I will listen and be here for you and anyone on here who needs me x

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I understand completely. At first flowers, visits from neighbors, phone calls etc. We did not have children and don’t live near family. I have 2 friends that have been good. But now one will listen for a bit and then change the subject. From family I get “hang in there, stay strong, give it time, think of all your beautiful memories”. I want to scream.

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It’s seems the world over everyone finds grief and others loss difficult. Some may feel it’s contagious, some are afraid to face it just in case it suddenly happens to them. Some will never understand Some we find are fair weather friends and others the ones you least expect turn out to be your rock. I have learned that I cannot do it on my own. I take the help when it is offered. Each day is different but each day I put one foot in front of the other and carry on. I live for each day nothing more nothing less. I have my fur baby and a good sister and brother and a couple of friends. I will carry on knowing my husband is with me always and lifts me up when I need him to Sending hugs x

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I can relate to everything you say, it’s so hard. This evening I felt it’s as if you can never be your true self again and can never share your real emotions. That feels so sad after a losing a partner who was your best friend.

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Hi @Mikeonline1956
It is tough having to pull yourself around for your son but maybe our ‘children’ who need us will actually be our saviours. It’s amazing the strength you find within yourself for those you love and who need you.
Sending love and strength. X

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@Kel2
I think others find grief difficult to know how to react to. They want to make it better but can’t so come out with some platitudes just to say something kind.
I simply answer ‘Up and down’ when anyone asks how I am. There is no easy way to explain is there?
Hugs x

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RVSics, exactly. You feel ’ wrong’ in trying to show your true feelings.
I reached out to one today (purely on the aspect of getting my affairs in order) … response: what you talking about?

Another today (on messenger from different country so time difference - they know the difference as been on/off chasing & they know the hour difference - they’re 6 hours behind,)
I’ve spent the last month going through his ‘women troubles’
. Don’t get me wrong - a welcome distraction i guess)
He then disappears couple days (the usual) tells me about his wan troubles, then asked if ok & slept. … I say no & no (an hours sleep if that ) back.to.hr understands cos of girl trouble.

It’s amusing in itself and I suppose keeps me ‘occupied’
… bearing in mind I’m 45 (he never admits his age my Husband was 55 - friend is closer to hubby’s age)

So I just plod along, deal with myself to myself x

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Im the same i lost my husband suddenly in October im still stuck in October. I dont want to say goodbye to 2022. Xxx

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Where ever you are your husband will be with you. I firmly believe that. Our relationships with our beloved husbands (my sweetheart died in Aug) and the love we shared with them we will carry with us for the rest of our life. I talk to my husband all the time, and I feel his presence. Love and peace to you.

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Thank you for the reply you sent, it’s always nice to know someone is there.

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So alone, * know exactly how you feel. I lost my mother and my sister, two years apart at 6.30 on New Years Eve and when I lost my husband this year (in June), I knew that I would feel as you described and so I went away for New Year and made sure I would be busy, I still thought of him but I felt it much less. It came back when I read how you felt. It is awful leaving people as New Year comes. To pass into a year that Rob has never experienced is awful for me and so I understand how you feel. I wasn’t able to prepare for my sister because it was my first close family death and then my Mum happened so quickly afterwards but I knew how I would feel because of them. The first year is awful but be aware next year and make sure you are surrounded by people who know and will understand and tell people. I warn people that I may start crying for no reason and my daughters are ready and help me and helping me helps them. It’s a tough, lonely road but you have to live this new year for the ones that didn’t make it. Thank you for showing me that there are people who experience this the same as I do. xxx

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