So devastated

My hubby of 34 years took his own life 10 days ago. I’m utterly desolate. I am stunned by what’s happened and it all feels so unreal. I seem to have done nothing but cry since then. I can’t make sense of it all. My emotions vary from immense misery to anger in a few seconds. I have no idea how to get through this. My children have been wonderful, but they are trying to grieve too.

My heart goes out to you, the sudden loss of my husband is devastating but coping with your loss is far harder. I’ve done the tears, anger, total misery in seconds as you have, I let them ebb and flow it all heals. It’s good you consider your children as your children are grieving too. I try and protect mine from my grief most days but when it’s a really bad day, we cry together… keep strong, it’s hard I’m 8 weeks down the line some good days but today was as bad as the first week. It will pass like the other bad days, im hoping they are less intense and less frequent.

Thank you susie. Deaths so awful, for all concerned. The emotions it causes and all the details that need sorting out at the one time when we need to be clear headed, seem overwhelming. We still have the ordeal of his funeral next week yet…none of this seems real, but it is, a living nightmare. With a suicide death, theres all the unanswered questions and all the guilt at not being able to help. I didn’t know it was possible to cry for 3 1/2 hours solidly, where do all the tears come from …

Tears… good job they are not on a water meter :slight_smile: yesterday I felt I had cried all day as I just seemed to have tears rolling down my face on and off all day. Nothing specific tarted them, they just won all day! My family and I all spoke at my husbands funeral and it was a personal goodbye that really helped. I felt it was a good thing to write it, get my real emotions down in writing, even though until the day I didn’t know if I would be able to read it. If only… that can haunt you, none of us can ever see how someone else is really thinking or feeling, health wise or mentally and as statistics show, those who sadly take their own lives are the least likely to raise concerns within close family, because they love and protect us. The funeral is your next hurdle, there are many more I’ve had that, my birthday, daughters and grandchildren birthdays, wedding anniversary and next week, his birthday. All in 4 weeks space of time, exhausting but have no choice but to cope. Re,ember to talk about him, the circumstances etc with those that listen, not judge. It’s all too easy to pass comment if they’ve never been in that situation. Take care, keep in touch

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Hi Babs
I totally appreciate how you are feeling my partner took his own life last year and everything just now will feel like a nightmare and you will just feel numb. Just take each day at a time that is all you can do. You will go through all emotions possible and cry for hours I know I did and still do because you don’t have any answers. Sending you a big hug x

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Thank you F. Only someone who has had the same experience as this, can really understand the rawness and huge mixed emotions that affect us. I feel I’m living in a massive black cloud, numb and angry. With bouts of weeping uncontrollably, at the oddest times. I do have a councillor calling in later today who may be able to help and that saves me offloading my distress on my children, who have been great but need their own space and time to grieve too…x

Hi, I hope you had a good session with your councillor it is good to talk. Your family will all understand but stick together because sometimes situations like this can tear you apart don’t let it. Remember you are not alone x

Thank you F. It did help at the time but now, the reality is overwhelming. I can’t get over the image of my hubby , alone at his last minute of his life, then doing what he did. The pain and grief is gut wrenching, how he found the courage to do it is beyond me. He should still be here , home and with us all. I feel so lost with out him and I just don’t know how I carry on. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow , at times it feels like a miniute ago, others it seems so long ago that we last spoke. We had so many plans and a future, that’s all gone and I can’t ever find out why…

My heart goes out to you and your family, unfortunately I remember those first weeks it feels like you are living in a permanent nightmare and you just want to wake up. Since I lost my partner I find sleep impossible and life is just empty. They have no idea how many people they have left behind them that love and miss them. I cope by knowing that whatever demons my partner had he is now at peace. Keep strong

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It’s almost 2 weeks to the hour since it happened and it all seems so unreal. I know in his distressed mindset, he thought his actions would solve things but the reality is so very different. How do you explain to people what’s happened, when we , as his family can’t understand it ourselves ? The silence in the house is deafening…I’ve had 2 very angry days, I know it’s partly lack of food and sleep but also I’m angry at him. We had a future planned and now I’m alone…then I feel so guilty for feeling angry. It’s a vicious circle and I’ve had enough already, but this is just the beginning…

It was a year past Monday since by partner died and you go through a roller coaster of emotions and believe me being angry then feeling guilty is still now I feel. I go to his graveside every week and normally just scream and ask why. I found it hard dealing with family and friends because I felt ashamed and because people pity you which meant I isolated myself. Please don’t do that it is not the answer also remember to look after yourself by not eating I lost three stone and ended up ill. Keep going x

It must have been and still is , so very hard for you.
Today is my hubby’s funeral…last night we went to see him in the chapel of rest. That was so upsetting and I can only imagine today will be even worse, saying goodbye forever…

Hi Babs
Please stay strong today as it will be extremely difficult. I felt in a daze because things like this happen to other people. I wanted to speak at my partners funeral which I managed although now I have no idea how I got through that. Always remember he will have loved you and if he knew how upset you and your family were he wouldn’t have done it. I will be thinking about you today sending you a big hug.

Hi, I have been thinking about you today I hope that the funeral went as well as can be expected.

Thank you. The funeral was harder than I expected. A very painful and emotional day. I went to a friends house after the wake for a couple of hours. Then as I walked through the front door alone it really hit me. I had the 2nd worse night, since he died. Crying almost all night . The next day passed in a blur of loneliness . It’s only today that I’ve felt like coming here post. Sorting out all the endless paperwork, when all I wanted was him here with me…it’s been just over 3 weeks and I absolutely hate my life , well, the life I have to have now…x

Oh Babs, unfortunately it really is a emotional lonely rollercoaster which unless you have been in that position people don’t understand. My partner died a year ago and this week I have only found the courage to start to go through his things. The endless paperwork and dealing with companies is also difficult because it is like they are reading off a script and not dealing with a grieving member. Keep strong and if you need to cry, scream just do it xx

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I’ve done an awful lot of crying and screaming ( into a cushion, so the neighbours don’t panic !) I really didn’t understand what " griefstricken " meant until now. It’s so painful and the days are getting harder not easier. I’m still plowing through the paperwork and legalities, at a time when all I want to do is hide or run away from it all…
We had his funeral on the Friday and I got the bill on Monday ! I know they are running a business but it just seemed so harsh…
The reality of my situation is sinking in too…

Unfortunately I agree funeral directors have no compassion after the event, the last thing you need is a huge bill at a time which is unreal anyway.
The formalities take forever it has been a year since my partner died and we are still dealing with the Estate.
I don’t think anyone really know what grief is until you go through it.
Please keep strong. X

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Thank you for your reply.
Grief is a very strange thing to experience. I can go from crying to anger to sadness so quickly. I’m sure you understand this only too well. I feel like I’ve been cast adrift on a very choppy sea with no safety get out or oars…
My daughter says I’m still in shock and as it’s only been a month, this is normal. But I’ve forgotten what ’ normal ’ is now.
Did you find your sleeping and eating patterns have disappeared ? I know this is affecting my health, which wasn’t great. I seem to have lost any motivation and purpose…x

Yes unfortunately I only sleep about two or three hours a night these days, the GP wanted to give me sleeping tablets but I declined because I thought it would just mask my problem, however everyone is different. Please don’t do what I did unfortunately I lost three stone not intentionally but you have to remember to eat otherwise you will get sick and your family need you to stay strong.
Your daughter is right it is only a month please don’t beat yourself up it takes time believe me even now I still fall apart on a regular basis.
I had to go back to work otherwise I knew I would end up in a downward spiral and I needed something to keep me motivated and focused and a reason to get up in the morning otherwise I probably wouldn’t have. Xx