It defenatley helped talking to people who have been through the same. It’s been 8 weeks for me now and I can’t talk about my partner without crying and think of him 24/7. I’m struggling to just get through the days. I find ot so hard being on my own and it gets worse of an evening when im too tired to keep busy so just lie there with my head racing and tears falling…your not on your own…You don’t have to make any decisions about what to do with your husbands ashes yet… ive been reading some books about copong with grief through suicide which i found helpful… it’s still so soon… be gentle and loving to yourself x your not on your own x
I’m glad that you found a little solace in talking to others in this awful nightmare.
Why does it get harder as the days pass ? I am so fed up with everything. I want my old life back, just as im sure you do too. Neither of us asked for this ordeal…
I also find the days very lonely and empty. The evenings are the worst, along with first thing in the morning . I wake up from a few hours dozing and for a couple of seconds , it’s like nothing has happened and life’s normal…then reality kicks in and I’m right back grieving. Do you find the same ?
I also seem to have lost my confidence in everything, little things worry me now. What should be easy things to do or sort out now seem huge. Knowing that I’m solely responsible for the house, finance etc is overwhelming. I am still,waiting for the pensions to be sorted and as for probate…getting nowhere very fast !
I don’t believe in the afterlife, but if my hubby is somewhere, I hope he can see the mess he has left me in and the trouble it is creating. That sounds harsh, but today , that’s how I feel with him. X
it does get harder as time goes by because unfortunately reality begins to set in and all of a sudden it all becomes overwhelming. I had huge panic attacks thinking about how I was going to manage on my own with everything and even now a year down the line I cry every other day and it is just a wave that hits you like a bolt of lighting.
I agree sorting the financial affairs and probate is one of the hardest things to deal with at a time your just not in the right frame of mind. Even after a year we are still not sorted because Companies do not make it easy.
I seriously don’t think they realise what they are doing when they decide on suicide because the aftermath is the worst experience ever.
The hardest thing I find is we used to do everything together but if you turn the w upside down the w turns into a m and it is now just me and that is an extremely lonely place to be.
You know where we are if you want to talk xxx
Gosh Babs my heart goes out to you… reading your story is just where I was a year ago suddenly having to sort through all the financial side, Will, probate etc. and having to put my property on he market as I cannot afford to pay off the mortgage… I too have been through anger, tears, but missing him, he died suddenly so no warning, just came home and found out he had died of a heart attack at the spa where he went swimming daily… life is cruel at times, but a year on I am still trying to sell, I have had 2 chains collapse, but the mortgage company have been great and I have informed them all the way what has been happening… I thought at the time nothing would ever get sorted but it does, it all just takes time, my dining room at the beginning looked like a solicitors office papers everywhere, but I brought coloured files and put every thing in order and as it got sorted I put it to one side, I now have my table cleared…oops not looking at the time got to get to work, you take care Mo x
It’s been a really difficult few days… the loneliness and emptiness… I don’t sleep that much as most nights I lie in bed crying and when I do I dread waking up as I have to live this nightmare all over again…i just want to be ok again. X
Living with the nightmare we are in isn’t easy, some days the pain and heartache is just overwhelming. Often getting out of bed is a real thought because nothing seems to make sense or have a purpose. You have to be strong it won’t go away we just learn to deal with It differently.
Sorry, I’ve not been online for a few days. I’m struggling with so much at the moment, my own health is suffering. I’m seeing my dr and some specialists, to get some much needed help. I went to a suicide support group, wth my 2 eldest kids. We found it quite emotional but helpful. Listening to others who really understand the ordeal we are going through , made us realise we aren’t alone. Some, like me are just a few weeks into the nightmare, others a few years down the line, but we all agreed, it’s very tough. We will keep going back though.
I so wish we could turn back time, but the reality is, this is my life now…
I hope you can find some peace, but I know how difficult that is. X
I agree I don’t think people really appreciate how it feels until you are in our situation. It’s a year since my partner committed suicide and I have been unable to stay in our house since that night because I found him and tried to resuscitate. However I decided at the weekend I needed to try and stay in the house or I will need to sell once probate is granted. It was so difficult and a cried all night and had a major panic attack. I still just don’t understand why and that is the hardest thing. Please keep strong. xx
Hi Susie my husband died suddenly on the 4th June, we have an 18 year old son he has been amazing I am so proud of him. Having good days and bad days but feel he would want us to go on x
Hi Babs I lost my wife under similar circumstances 36 years ago. I was then living and working in Africa and we have a daughter who was 7 at the time. All these years later I still feel the pain as though it happened yesterday. I had no access to counselling at the time and the many friends who were very fond of her suddenly no longer wanted to mention her. It was though she had never existed but maybe it was because they felt that to mention her name would make it worse for me…
I do not have deep religious beliefs but a very young friend at the time presented me with a small book on religion which, to this day, goes everywhere with me. When the pain of my loss is severe I hold it to my heart or sleep with it under my pillow.
I share your loss and will hold you in my thoughts.
Hope your ok… my partners inquest is next month… I don’t know what to expect… I’m a witness. Did anyone else have to go through this?
Hi no I did not have to go through this because the PF reviewed all the evidence and advised it was not needed. You just have to be strong and make sure you take people with you who can support you through the whole ordeal. Sending you a big hug x