So hard to keep going…..

Im grateful of what we had in 50 years together and try not to dwell on what I don’t have now.
He is just out of sight but never far from my thoughts. :heart:

G. X

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Hi Louise

Thank you for replying to my post in such a kind and positive way. Perhaps my love of gardening will return one day. I always make sure the lawn is fine as it was Ian’s pride and joy. It’s the sadness of losing Ian and our future together that is so hard to come to terms with. We wanted to make so many new memories together and all that has been taken away from us.
More importantly, Ian’s future was so cruelly and suddenly taken from him and that is something I can’t see myself ever accepting.

X Julie

Hi Jessica

I’m so sorry to read you are feeling this way. Just remember that everyone grieves in their own way and time despite what other people may say.
It is such a lonely, sad and difficult time in our lives and even after a year, I still just take each day as it comes and do what is right for me.

You take care,
X Julie

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I feel just the same about my Dave who died in Dec 2020 within five weeks of diagnosis. I was having my first leg operated on as he was in hospital and hospice so only saw him three times and he was gone. Since had other knee done and my left hip last week. Just try and remember how pleased he would be to know I have come through the ops but I haven’t done so well with getting over his loss. I do not think I ever will. We were married for 33 years and did so many things together. No one understands unless they have been through it and I would not wish that on anyone. I do find this app helpful as one knows that others also weep and sleep. God bless you

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Love to everyone feeling this pain …and yes untill you experience it …it really is unimaginable…so grateful to have a near normal day today…gardening and keeping busy …beautiful weather…thinking of you all …so glad I found this site ,it is extremely sad ,but comforting when your so alone x x x
.

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Hi Julie
I feel just the same
We have to bear our grief and there is no fix to this. We are heartbroken. Like you I can’t imagine anything but a painful future. I try not to concern myself with what others think. They are the lucky ones who have t gone through this.
Concern yourself with you. I have no advice to make it better because it is awful bit how can it not be with what we have lost ?
I got day to day , breathe deeply when the pain feels to hard to bear , go for walks and spend time with my daughters without being a burden to them
Like you I have big jobs that need doing but it is all so painful.
Always here for you to vent your feelings
Lynn

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Hi Lynn

Thank you for replying to my post. It always help to know that there are others out there feeling the same as I am. My heart breaks for Ian as he lost his future and whatever I do, nothing can alter that.

Take care,
X Julie

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Oh this journey is so hard I hate the evenings miss my husband so much as we all do how will we get through this been 13 weeks and it is so hard empty house no one to talk about my day and can not plan what we are going to do tomorrow is it worth it I know my family say I have no choice I’m so tied trying hope some of you are managing but better
Xx

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Hi rose .it doesn’t get any easier does it . I miss everything about Chris and I miss my happy life. The sun been out today but it doesn’t seem to shine on me . Our futures just gone. I have a lot of happy memories as I’m sure you all do …but I wanted to make new memories with Chris
Took far to soon xtake care x

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Oh dear Broken it is horrible if we was older may be we would have made it little easier we would have enjoyed some retirement made more memories yes I have been blessed to have found true love miss him so so much as you do if only
Hope you sleep you have work in morning I guess such a long evening and night isn’t it take care we feel the same pain thank you message x

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Hi yes work in morning goodnight rose hope you sleep well xtake care x

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Hi Trixie…
I understand completely…I lost my husband of 40 years last September and feel the same as you do. The loneliness is the hardest part. No friend or member of the family can take your life partners place. They knew you better than anyone. My niece said to me the other day that she can only hope and pray that she too can experience such love and longevity with a person, and that gave me a small crumb of comfort that I have been so lucky to have have had that. I just want it to go on for a bit longer! The sadness we feel is the price we have to pay for loving someone so much, and my heart goes out to you. Please dont apologise for being so ‘down’. You have every right to be. Things are still very raw, and you have to try and be kind to yourself…anyway, I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel, especially when you said that you had ‘never felt so sad and lonely’. … some days are worse than others…like a tsunami of emotions and you are not alone with those bad days…take care…x

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Hi Julie, All I can do is repeat much of what has been said by others. The pain of bereavement may ease with time but it never goes away or that feeling of loss. We simply learn to live with it and when we do, the good days start to outnumber the sad ones.

I would encourage you to make a plan for each day, a task maybe. One day some work in the garden. Another a little dusting around the house. On another say, maybe some me time with a walk through a park or similar. All small tasks but they all add up and help to improve our mental health.

I do know someone, not a widow but was unable to keep her garden tidy, it got too much for her. She employed an odd job man for a few hours to clear away the weeds and the area that was overgrown and this allowed her to get back into the swing of the garden. It really helped perk her up and I and others said to her that she had the best kept front garden in the street!

So my advice. get up, have breakfast and tick off those tasks, not too many, but enough for you to enjoy.

Best wishes
John

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John,

That’s similar to what I posted last week.
I didn’t get any responses so presumed I’d spoken out of place but sometimes we need to give ourselves a shake out of the doldrums :thinking: I can’t change what’s happened but cherish what we had.

Advice I was given :
Get up, get washed, get dressed every morning - find a task regardless how mundane.
Slowly, you do benefit from these small steps.
My hubby is still “with” me, just out of sight. :heart:
No offence intended. .
G.

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Hi I understand what you are saying . But I find my life now so hard and pointless without my hubby. I get up everyday and go to work and also
try and do things around the house that I have never had to do before. But none of it helps with the feeling of loneliness and heartbreak I have every minute of every day .but I do plod on and take it one day at a time. Hopefully if I have a future it might ease a little but at the moment I hurt to much. Xtake carex

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Broken2222 Me too, so difficult to function every day just the normal day to day things are obstacles to climb. I really feel I wouldn’t get up and moving if it wasn’t for my dog needing me. Tired out from crying and not sleeping much - don’t seem to have felt any happiness for months
It’s my husbands funeral on Monday and I know that looming is making me feel worse, I’m dreading it but I want to try and be strong for my family and do right by my husband and say goodbye properly - just think I’ll never really say goodbye to him ? I just hope things for all of us on here will get a bit easier one day ?

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I’m not criticising or demeaning anyone’s grief. It’s an emotion we aren’t programmed for. Nor describe to anyone.
If roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want my hubby to let grief overpower him - so I’m trying to do the same.
Believe me - I have many sh** moments.

G. X

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Hi. So sorry for your loss. I know how you are feeling . Hope you find the strength within to help you through your husband’s funeral. I find it hard to remember my hubby’s funeral . I think I was in total shock that he had actually died. And now I feel I am in total shock trying to live this life I never wanted. A life without my hubby being here to love and care for me . Hope the day goes as well as it can . Thinking of you. Xtake carex

Hi I know you are only trying to help .and a lot of your posts have helped me .sorry if it came across that way. I know we are all on this site to try and help each other. And believe me your posts do make me feel a little better. Xtake carex

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Julie
Life is just not fair
If you have loved someone more than life itself you don’t get over loosing them
My sister in law mother said to me not long after my husband had died
Are you going on holiday !!
I could of ripped her bloody throat out
Do I want a holiday No I just want my life back as it was before he died happy content
She didn’t mean it in a nasty way
I know that but the problem is a lot of people don’t relate to us
We are all going through the same highs and lows
We are all at different stages of grief
But we all have something in common
We are BROKEN
Life it not the same
But I hold on to my memories of the wonderful time I was lucky to have with my husband
And just think some people in life don’t experience that
Take care all
Xx

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