Thank you xx
Was David’s birthday yesterday, he would have been 54…friends and family came round …I was gutted and so so sad …I keep getting asked to go on holiday but that is impossible right now .I went away for 1 night a few weeks ago but felt very anxious and wanted to come home …so glad I have my pup ,he does take the edge of things when I’m feeling at my lowest…miss my husband so very much …I also read through the posts on here ,extremely sad they are but comforting to know I’m not alone …love to everyone as always x x x
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Morning all yes we are all in this same place as you have wrote all very broken and I don’t see that we can be mended people say time is a healer I’m not sure how can it we are left with out our love one yes I agree I have been lucky up to now in love my life was good lute memories I will always cherish but having him taken so suddenly is awful to come to yearns with I miss him more and more as you all do on here what’s the point living with out them yes I have family so lucky some don’t they have there lives kissing your soul mate is the worse pain ever the only one that was always there for you when you needed them every thing is so hard meeting up with friends family is hard feel so alone I don’t see how I will ever feel any different but like a zombie family don’t understand how it is really alone in the house no one comes round much they find it hard I know
This is not maki g any you feel better is it not positive today weekend coming makes no difference what day it is any more
Take care x
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Hi Katiemarylucy
Thank you for your reply and it does help to know that I’m not alone in feeling as I do. As you say, the loneliness is so hard as I miss having Ian around just to share my everyday thoughts and feelings. I took it so much for granted when he was with me and now, nothing can ever replace that friendship as well as love we had for each other.
Take care, x Julie
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Hi John
Thank you for replying to my post in such a positive way. You’ll be pleased to hear that I now have found someone to look after Ian ‘s lawn as that was his pride and joy. As for the rest of the garden, hopefully that will spur me on to get out there and sort it out!
Take care of yourself,
X Julie
Hi Scottie
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
As you write ‘life is not fair’ and that is what hurts the most. Ian passed away only 7 weeks after his cancer diagnosis and it’s the loss of his future that I find so hard to come to terms with. I can carry on as best I can but he can’t. Ian wasn’t even given the opportunity to fight his cancer, which I knew he would have done if he could. He was ‘fit and healthy’ one day and then the next, on the receiving end of a terminal cancer diagnosis.
I understand it must be so hard for you as you and your husband didn’t even have seven weeks, so my heart goes out to you.
Take care,
X Julie
Hi Rose
Thank you for replying to my post.
It is so hard having nobody special to share your day with or plans for the future. I know we have no choice but at times, it is so exhausting just having to get through each day on our own.
It’s been a year since Ian passed away, but it feels like yesterday and I still just take each day as it comes. As to the future, I’m incapable of making any life changing decisions as it is far too early for me. Everything in the house is still as Ian left it and that is how I want it to be.
Take care,
X Julie
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Hi Julie
It is so hard I lost my husband 13 months ago like you say it’s no easier and I’m the same the house is the same not moved his things not sure if it’s making it harder but can not get any harder can it some how must be positive my son tells me hard ask hit this far I guess so we must be strong
Take care thanks for reply x
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A poem I wrote when my wife died- xx
Poem for Fallen Wives 2
You have gone into a room
Where black furniture lines the walls that are
draped in thick raven curtains
And where the carpet is as dark
as the deepest pond.
Above the room a black light
sprinkles Darkness
Further into its square of
midnight
Cutting off the room, beside it, where
I stand and wait.
I have studied the lock
and know that many
before me have tried to turn
That pitch black keyhole
Which changes its shape with every
turn.
I am Orpheus
and you are
Eurydice
But where he failed,
I have made a skeleton key that is as white as bone
with our lives
Etched into its shape and
form-
That will bewilder Death and change its
shape
To open the lock.
I shall tear away all that is black in the room
where you are camouflaged
And hidden in Ink
So that when the black tidal wave tries to pull
you back
I have another key
to another
room
Where foxgloves and
wildflowers grow
Where we can be safe
and live again.
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That is lovely thanks for sharing we are in a dark place with out our soul mates beside we can hope the darkness will fade and be together again as one
Take care x
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That is lovely and very emotive - thank you for sharing 
I am having a real breakdown this morning why can’t he just come home everything is waiting for him all in place still. I feel my life is one big lie on the outside afraid of driving more people away when all I want is for someone to give me a cuddle and say everything will get better. I am crying so hard I will not go anywhere today.
Jessica
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Hi Jessica,
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could say tomorrow will be a better day, the chances it will be, but for now, just know that what you are feeling is quote normal. We have all had to put on our outside face when inside we are a wreck.
In time, days will be no worse than yesterday and tomorrow will be a little brighter than today, but it does take time to come to terms with our new life. Everyone is different, so take all the time you need.
My advice would be to go outside for walks and to the shops everyday, maybe even for a coffee. Spending time outside, while it might be painful at first, is actually a great tonic for our mental health.
Best wishes
John
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Jessica, I know exactly what you mean. I moved as many of my husband’s clothes back to the UK as I could. All his clothes are in a wardrobe I specially built for him and more stored so I have them here for him. As well as his shoes.
To be clear I do know he is not coming back, but I need to have these physical things close to remind me of him and us.
The pain is incredible and the “silent tears” as my counselor describes them quite disturbing because they just flow and flow. There are also noisy tears but the silent ones are more disturbing because of the profound pain that comes with them. That’s just my experience.
Just know we all totally understand. Sending you a virtual hug. You take care. We will all be ok x
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Hi Jessica
I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. It ‘s so hard when all you want is your loved one to come back. It’s been just over a year since Ian passed away and like you, I have left everything as it was. I still text him twice a day and let him know what I’ve been up to.
It’s Ian’s 70th birthday today so I’ve bought a cake and my four year old granddaughter will blow out a candle. By doing things like this, it keeps Ian ‘alive ‘ for me and still part of my life. It might not suit everyone but it helps me and that is what matters.
Just do what you feel is right for you at the time and try not to worry too much about what other people may think. Only you know what you are feeling at any point in time.
Look after yourself,
Julie x
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Hi hope you managed to find the strength you needed yesterday . I know the next day after funeral is very very hard. Thinking of you .xtake carex
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Hi all just came on here as we find we do hope you all have found way to manage your day all at different stages but all feeling such pain missing my husband so much during the day is easier to fill but evening is terrible so alone and miss them as we know they not coming home ti talk about there day have a hug and chat decide what we will do together tomorrow I will never stop loving him and missing him
No one knows what we are going through but all you do such he a cruel world feeling so alone
Hope we will sleep so we have the strength to get through another day still doing day by day just needed to speak to some one how did it come to this
Take care xx
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Hi Rose, it is a horrendous feeling sometimes when you are alone with your thoughts.
I have been using a hypnotist for the past three weeks who has given me an audio tape to help me with my sleep. I have gone from sleeping on the settee to being back into my usual bed, I have found it has really helped with my sleeping pattern.
I still wake up with a horrible jolt when reality hits me but have found it is not quite as sickly as it once was. I am managing to get proper rest which is obviously less draining than the 2-3 hours I was getting.
The “grief cycle” sounds such a cold expression to me but it does help me realise that the anxiety and emotions I feel are not me going crazy but part of a process that my brain needs to work out.
Like you I am still living day by day but let’s hope we can all get to a place of peace and be able to find some comfort in the future.
Sending love
Joe x
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Hi Julie. I lost Steve over 3 years ago. We were married for 40 years and yes life is so hard. I do all the positive things. I’ve joined clubs, I went on my first holiday for solo travellers. I get up , get dressed and I keep myself really busy but I feel so terribly lonely. I find it difficult to make decisions. At the moment I’m trying to find some paint to match the bedroom curtains. In the past I could talk about decorating decisions but now there is no one. Cooking- who cooks? It’s a purely functional act with minimum effort. The food is tasteless and who wants to eat the same food two days running? I do things really just to pass time. Life is so horrible. I feel emotionally empty.
Hi rose . I am so trying to be positive . But it is so hard . I miss and love my hubby more and more each day . And I still feel as though I am just living waiting to die . But nine months on and it hasn’t happened . So I think I have to try and find a way of living to live . I really hate this life without him . Same thing every day. Work . Back to house . Cry myself to sleep . But I still don’t sleep for long . I know if it had been my hubby left here without me he would of made a new life for himself . He was that sort of person . Glass overfilled . Where mine was always nearly empty . Anyway . Didn’t mean to rabbit on . Just thought I would say hi and hope you are as well as you can be . Hope you have a good sleep . Xtake carex
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