I think you’ve said it perfectly.
We live in hope that we will get better at coping.
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Can I ask how long it’s been since you lost your Luie… Xx
11 weeks today, almost to the hour. I was with him, he was in side room on the hospital ward.
We were listening to music and he simply stopped breathing and slipped away.
He’d been heavily sedated for a day or two but we continued to talk to him. It was just the two of us at the end.
I think shock carried me through until the funeral in December. Now it’s just sadness mixed with numbness, disbelief, guilt if I go a day without crying. Night time is the worst, I sob then!
I want to be with him but won’t make that decision. That’s not for me to decide, but I can wish and hope for it.
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I understand so much how you are feeling.
I miss my beautiful husband so much. I lost him on the eighth of January, suddenly. I can’t bear the thought of never hugging him again, and his wonderful smile, it is so painful, take care , sending much love
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Hi, i lost my wife of nearly 20 years on January 6th. She had spent her birthday on 22nd December, Christmas and New Year on a ventilator in Critical Care. She woke for one day before passing and i am devastated.
One thing I did do to sleep a little better, was to roll her favourite blanket into a tube, and lay it in the bed next to me. It smelt of her and it gave me something to hug, and has made sleeping a little easier.
I have been running on adrenaline, but now feel alone and utterly tired. Carrying on is hard when I feel so badly, but she would not have wanted me to give up. She had lots of loss in hef life, and she carried on and has showed me that I need to be strong.
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I understand my friend. We’re all dealing with loss in our own worlds, one way or another. I find the night times the hardest. The loneliness is unbearable, so I understand how you’re feeling. Many people will SAY they understand, but unless you’re a member of this very private and exclusive club, I’m sorry, no you don’t. Unless you’re “one of us” you have absolutely no idea whatsoever of the pain and suffering. We’re all here for you, whenever you need someone to take to or scream at. Remember, we know… Take care my friend, and keep the memories 
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I slept alongside my late husbands dressing gown for a very long time, I’d fall asleep holding on to it and wake up in the same way. He passed away on the operating table after waiting a long time for the op and really looking forward to it hoping for a new lease of life. It’s so difficult, we’d been married for almost 52 years so I do understand even though I know from this site that we all grieve in our own ways. It’s such early days for you so you don’t have to try to be strong just yet, time enough for that once the shock has worn off a little more. Take care and try to look after yourself even though you might not feel you want to right now and remember there’s always a listening ear on this website.
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Thank you for your advice. It is hard to comevto terms with everything thats happened, and I know that eventually, I will move on but currently it is hard.
I know I have to eat, but don’t find anything good about eating. I don’t really want to get out of bed, so i am glad that I have gingerly returned to work, to force myself to get up, and put some order into my life. When i am out I want to be at home, and when I am at home, I don’t want to be there either.
I never imagined that you could miss someone so deeply, until the worst day of my life happened.
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You are so right, the loneliness is pretty unbearable. My step daughter has lost her mum, who she was close too, but she gets to go home to a loving husband and two great kids.
Ÿou really don’t know how bad it is until it happens to you. We were together 22 years, and faced everything together, as a team. We were just so comfortable in each others company, we really didn’t need anyone else. Just hard to come to terms with at the moment.
I know exactly what you mean.
Going to sleep and hoping you don’t wake has gone through my head, more than I care to admit, but I know I have to be stronger. My wife always believed that you should cherish every day you get on earth, but it is hard to feel that at the moment.
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Thank you for the love, and my love back to you too. I understand how hard it is just to move on on a daily basis.
I have spent spent the last 6 werks in tears daily, from the day she went intk Critical Care, and i have questioned myself every day too. Could I have done anything dìfferent, Was I good enough a husband for her, did she have a good life with me. It is horrible what goes through your mind.
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Sadly, we are all going through this, probably all thinking that we are on our own. I still have my wife’s birthday and Christmas presents in the wardrobe. I can’t bear to even look at them at rhe moment.
Sending love and best wishes to you and your children.
I talk to my wife Jacquie all the time. I say hi to her everytime I walk into the house, and wish her a good day, when iI leave for work. I just hope she can hear me and knows how much i loved her.
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It’s good to talk to them. I tell my husband when I’m going out for a walk and let him know when I’m home, and say goodnight every bedtime. It’s comforting and therapeutic. X
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Talking to photos every day helps me.
Normal everyday stuff, I even comment to him about what I’m watching on TV.
Just as if he were here.
We all do whatever we need to do, and knowing there are people to talk to who truly understand the pain and sense of loss is so helpful.
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I too talk to my partners photo everyday, several times saying good morning, passing on the news, and good night. I found myself talking to him in shops at Christmas, discussing Christmas presents, which I felt was probably disconcerting for other shoppers so I have curbed that behaviour but it does help. The more I talk about him and to him, keeps his memory and being alive! Loss is so hard, I struggle to understand how people get through it!
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I thought it was just me that wanders round the shops and supermarkets randomly talking to someone who’s not there… I do it all the time. I talk to my Tess like we always did when we went shopping, only difference is other people must look at me like I’m mental…! But do you know what, let them think that, because I will ALWAYS talk to her. Like you, I always say good morning to her when I wake up and tell her how much I love her, the same at bed time. Just as we did before she went away, I still tell her to wake me up in the night if she needs anything…
I swear the other night I heard her ask me to massage her hip for her, something she did on a regular basis. I even turned over on bed and reached out for her, only to find her side of our bed cold and empty 
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I have been getting my clothes ready for my husbands funeral next week, my face is soaked in tears, I cannot believe what has happened to us, I don’t know how I am going to get through the funeral, I miss him so much.
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I said goodbye to my beautiful wife yesterday. We had to wait 6 weeks for her funeral. It was so painful just waiting. You will get through it, just as I got through my Tess’s funeral yesterday. Do it for your husband, his memory and use the love you had for each other to give you the strength. Remember, we’re all here to help as well. And we all know EXACTLY how you’re feeling, because we’ve all been there. Sending lots of hugs and love. Xxx
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It’s a tough day, you’ll get through because you want to do this last thing for your husband.
I got up and spoke, I don’t know how I managed it but I needed to talk about the love we’d shared. Others spoke about how Luie was an entertainer and brought laughter to so many people. Yes he did do that, but he was a gentle soul with a huge capacity for love and however hard it was, I needed to say that.
I’m very proud of the goodbye we managed for Luie, he would have loved every minute of it. It was a chance to show how loved he was, how many lives he affected. How deeply he would be missed so it was a celebration of him and a goodbye.
Bittersweet.
Hopefully you’ll find the strength to stand tall and show everyone there how much you loved your man. If you don’t, and you crack and sob your heart out, that’s still perfectly ok. On this site, we all understand 100% how you’re feeling.
I’m sending you wishes for strength, for calmness and for comfort.
X
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