It is nearly a whole year since my husband died. I can’t believe it. It still hurts so much. I am so lonely and lost without him. My days are filled with various activities. I go to groups that have invited me and lunch clubs and trips on coaches. Anything to avoid being in the house on my own, but at the end of the day l have to go home. I feel that people don’t really want to talk about the emptiness I feel and I try to put a brave face on all the while feeling heartbroken. I was married to Stewart for 59 years and have known him for longer than anyone else. I spend a lot of my time down at the cemetery talking to him but I worry l won’t be able to do that for much longer with the weather getting worse.l am still “writing” to him and hoping he hears my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so sorry to hear about Stewart, @Cruiser. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support 
Hi @Cruiser
I’m a bit behind you, 7 months, and yes the pain is still immense
I do various things to keep myself occupied both going out and at home.
But unlike you, I don’t mind being at home on my own. I feel that he’s still here with me and always will be.
I also write to him everyday and tell him everything. I even ask his opinion on things, and sometimes I tell him off.
Please be sure that what you are feeling is normal
Have you not got a trusted friend you could confide in to tell them how bad you still feel?
Or have you thought about counselling?
Sending you love and a big hug
Liz x x
Hi Liz
Thank you so much for your reply. I do write to him as you do and l really hope he hears my thoughts. It just gets so overwhelming at times and all I can do is cry.
I do have a couple of friends that are in the same boat as me but they have been widowed, 5 and 10 years but it is very hard even to talk to them without breaking down.
Thank you again for taking the time to write to me. I also am Liz. Hugs to you too x
Hi Liz
I just wanted you to know that I do understand
I get upset a lot and very easily cry
But you can’t love the way we have and not suffer in the end.
I’m just glad it’s not Roger suffering this grief journey. I don’t think he would have coped at all.
I’m sure your friends will understand if you break down. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of. It’s perfectly natural and healthy to cry
Love and hugs
Liz x x
Almost a year for me, too. In a way it hurts more, because the first few months were just a blur of tears and pain, and I honestly don’t remember much about them. Now it’s more real. I talk to John at home, tell him all the things I’m doing, and it helps a bit.
Hi, yes I know what you mean. I had such a bad experience with Stewart. He died whilst we were on a cruise halfway through. We had to get off the ship to be transferred to a hospital and he never really responded again. It was a nightmare all the forms and everything. I had to wait 3 weeks before he was allowed home. So much happened before I could have his funeral. What with Christmas and all that I would have preferred not to happen, we couldn’t have a funeral until February and then the rain. I had to wait until May before the ground was dry enough. I miss him all the time. Thank you for your kind words. I know you and l are struggling to understand. I am also sure they are looking after us somehow. Take care 
I’m still very much at the beginning of all this as my hysband only died on 20th August but I dont know how to cope without him. I too have started going out again but only to things like church or today to a coffee morning held in his memory. All I want to do when I come home is tell Martin all about it. I read comments on here looking for things that might help me and saw you said you were still “writing” to him. Is that really writing things down or just thinking them? Sorry if I appear daft but I’ll do anything if it gets me through another minute of this hell I’m stuck in.
I hope you start to feel less lonely but I’m not convinced we ever will, no matter what others say.
Hi @Kaytoo
I’m 7 months in now.
I write to Roger every day. Usually when I go to bed, but sometimes I start earlier. Sometimes 2 or3 times if I think of something.
I write to him as if I’m talking to him. I tell him everything about my day. And how I’m feeling. I ask his opinion on things and sometimes I even tell him off. I share memories with him too.
Very often it’s accompanied by tears
I think I shall do this forever. I think it helps
But we’re not all the same.
You must do whatever helps you and brings you comfort.
Love and hugs
Liz x x
Sorry I didn’t say
Yes I write it down. I write it on the notepad in my phone and then I type it up and print it out and keep them in a folder so I can read back whenever I want.
I hope this helps
Liz x x
Hi Liz,
Sorry Ime a bit of a tec nerd,I voice memo on my phone or watch throughout the day then download each day to the cloud,I guess whatever suits you best.
Thank you, I’ll try anything. People say live day by day or hour by hour but I can only manage minute by minute at the moment. I can’t think as far forward as an hour let alone a whole day. I do talk to Martin but I quite like the idea of writing something down and keeping it. Maybe one day I could look at it and see I have moved forward even if I feel as if I’ve been stuck on 20th August forever. That’s how I feel now. Take care.
I write pages and pages, mostly drivel, or grumbling, lots of I love you, I miss you, this is a bit of a bugger.
I have used up nearly four pads and a pack of roller ball pens. It would take hours to read them all.
It does help me though.
I don’t know how to talk to my phone, I don’t wear at watch. And the only cloud I know is the sort that keeps on bloody raining on the already saturated fields round here.
Xx
I keep a journal of my days and write partly to my husband and partly just how I’ve felt. I talk to him all the time and try to believe he’s with me all the time in some way.
Sometimes I can’t really write what I feel as it makes me cry too much.
There are so many of us who all feel the same and the rest of the world who don’t have a clue. I just keep thinking how am I supposed to go on like this but we have to. One day at a time.
I talk to my phone but only to tell it to shut up and leave me alone and my watch is only used to tell the time. I see nothing wrong with good old fashioned pen and paper. Take care and thankyou.
One minute at a time is my limit for now. I can’t think about a whole day at a time.
Hi @Kaytoo
Thats exactly how I feel, that one day I’ll be able to read through and see how far I’ve come.
I do talk to Roger out loud too, often.
I always say good morning and goodnight to his photos.
You are so early days.
You’ve just got to do what feels right. Be kind to yourself.
I can’t promise the pain will ever go, but it does get easier to cope with.
No I wouldn’t have believed it after 5 weeks either.
But gradually you will find you are coping.
Keep posting, we’re all here to help you through
Love and hugs
Liz x x
Hi, it does seem as if a lot of us do actually put pen to paper. I was told to try this method to help offload some of my grief. I was recommended to read the book “Coping with Grief” by Sue Morris. She suggests we write to our loved ones as if we’re talking to them. I believe it does help a little. I talk to him all the time too. It is one of the ways to cope with the sadness. Thinking of everyone going down this way.
Me too, I talk to him in the house, in the garden, and in the car. I have to stop myself from talking to him in Asda!
I write to him in my notebook every day.
Xx
There certainly seem to be more of us doing it than not.
It definitely keeps a connection
I never want to let that go
Love and hugs to everyone x x