Hello Everyone, sending love from a wild and windy Manchester night.
Today i finally got around to ending the contract on Mums mobile phone that i set up for her a few years ago, After doing so i just sat on the kitchen floor and absolutely sobbed my heart out for what felt like an absolute age. 3 months into this journey and it feels like its hitting me harder than ever. Going to contact my GP tomorrow for a further note for work, just feel absolutely exhausted. thank you so much for this space to be able to unload a little. I think some of the people in my life think i should be over this and just get on as before. But as we know we’re changed forever after losing those we loved so much.
Much love to you all xx Steven
It’s always the little things that hurt the most. Sending hugs. It does feel like it’s getting worse at the same time as everyone expects you to be back to normal. Which just makes you more depressed, because they don’t understand.
There’s no timeline for grief, and losing a parent is so enormous, it’s like someone removed one of the pillars that was holding up your whole world. I really relate to the strangest small things that really get you, I found myself tearing up today because it’s a leap year and I remembered my Dad calling out from the kitchen a few weeks ago to remind us it was a leap year during a conversation about Christmas 2024, and it’s just so painful and heartbreaking to realise that Dad is gone and won’t be here for Christmas 2024. Grief hits and grips at moments we don’t expect, as well as those we do.
I am sorry to hear that some people in your life are making you feel like you should be ‘over this’ and ‘get on as before’ - as we know, it’s not something that you can ‘get over’, and there’s no timeline on how long it takes to assimilate something as enormous as the grief for a parent. I’m so sorry that you lost your Mum, Steven. I lost my Dad two weeks ago and the pain of losing a parent is utterly overwhelming. I’m glad that you can write on the forum and hopefully we can provide some support as we all have some understanding of what loss and bereavement means xxx
I feel like people are saying what’s up with her she lost her Mum in September she should be ok now
I feel like i will never get over my Mum
I still have tears and heart wrenching days I just keep trying to remember my Mum when she was well and happy
That sounds like a really hard thing to absorb people feeling like you “should” be feeling differently. As you say, you’ll never “get over” losing your Mum, but we can only hope with time that we can learn to live with our grief in ways that aren’t constantly overwhelming. At the moment I’m finding it very hard to imagine that place of not feeling so consumed but I just keep taking baby steps forwards and letting myself cry and go to bed and eat comfort food and just trying to go with whatever flows forth.
Hi Steven. Sorry for your loss. The times ive had people say ‘it’ll get easier" it really angers me, as like yourself you never ’ get over it’ i lost my son aged 30 just over a year ago, i found him, and what i saw , no mum should ever see.
Have you got anyone close you can talk to that will understand?'. Its hard sorting all their personal things out, as it really tugs at the heart strings.
Cry, scream or do whatever you feel , we’re only human and losing someone we love, is the hardest thing ever.
Sending hugs, take care x
Exactly. My dad was my strongest and most supportive pillar.
When you think about it like that it’s no wonder we are wobbly and just about able to stumble along. At best.
Big big hugs. Yes my Dad was my rock, too. I am so so sorry.
This is what I’m trying to do keep my mind active with thoughts of Great times
I listen to sleep music on an app if my mind runs riot it helps sometimes
This Group is really helpful too Good advice from people who have or are going through the same Grief for which I am so Grateful for
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad too and he’s been like two pillars in one since mum passed.
Yes it’s been great to find this community. I met someone tonight for the first time who didn’t know, an acquaintance, and found myself having to tell her my Dad died two weeks ago. I initially told her that I was “okay” but it was so false I could tell she knew it wasn’t true so I just told her and it wasn’t as awkward as I feared, but a horrible kind of milestone.
i am so sorry for your loss. i lost my mum 2months ago and each hits like a ton of bricks and sometimes i question how i’m even getting through each day. the weather over christmas was dreadful it was dark cold and windy. it didnt help with my sleep, i still have my mum’s internet that i need to cancel and still havent got around to it. i’ve been so busy with her funeral and trying sort paperwork. i was her carer i hated how people say to me she with your dad now and you should go back to work like nothing happened and get in to routine etc. it frustrates me that people believe that there is a time scale for grief. i never felt so alone in my life abd i hate being alone with my thoughts because i end up breaking down crying when im surrounded by her stuff in our home. i just wish she was here, so i can hug her but reality is different. i just never felt so helpless that day when i heard she passed, i just wish pray has to go through this pain.
It is really hard. I lost my Mum on 29th December 2023. I lost my Dad 25 years ago in March. I think it has hit me hard the realisation that I have neither of them physically with me now. Over the years I have said to myself what would dad do or what would dad say in different situations. Mum and I would do that too. She was such a wonderful caring person who fought so hard to live. We were told we had months which turned out to be weeks. So hard to accept. I had been working from home. Yesterday I went back into the office and was asked was I alright now. How did it feel to be back to normal? I will never be the same, I have to learn to live in my new normal and that is so hard. I was tearing up when speaking with people. My life has changed. She is in my heart and mind. My priorities are now to focus on those I love that remain. Work was taking over my life and I’m changing that balance. Life flashes by and then it is over. I want to be living it. The pain will never leave, it may lesson. Love to all in this group who are just trying to find a way forward
Sorry for your loss. I can relate to everything said. I lost my mum on new year’s day. She got her wish by passing away at home without pain or suffering unlike my dad who died of cancer five years ago. But even though she was 83 it was so sudden I’d only seen her three hours before and she was absolutely fine. She’d had her tea and then got ready for bed just watching TV. I rang and no answer so popped in again and found her. They made me do CPR so I think that and the shock has just flawed me. I ended up with a horrendous cold the day of the funeral and also such ringing in my ears. GP has said this is all grief and has prescribed Sertraline. Only three weeks in so know it could take another few weeks before I see the full benefits. I’ve struggled going back to the house but did take her clothes the other day to wash. Also managed to get back up to the cemetery today. Mum always liked it tidy for dad so wanted to make sure it was ok. I’m still not back at work. Signed off again until the end of the month but do wonder if some structure would help. In the meantime Id just like some sleep and relief from this ringing but I’m told that this stress will take time for things to ease but I just can’t see anything getting any better now my lovely mum is no longer in my life
Thinking back on people I’ve lost earlier in my life, as well as beloved pets, I can’t honestly say I have “got over” any of them. I’m living with it, without them, but their absence is still a pain in my heart.
@Ulma sending hugs and strength. All the ‘sadmin’ is so hard and makes it feel finite. I totally understand you sobbing your heart out. Thinking of you.
We’ve switched dad’s contact to pay as you as I didn’t want his number disconnected. I rang his number the other day to keep his name in my whats app list as I don’t want him to disappear. In time I’ll send messages to it to keep him alive in a small way.
Having a tough day today, lots of sobbing. Miss him.
I like Mark Lemon as well. Comforting words.
If you read his grief story - oof - very tough.
Hope you’re having a better day @Titch7674