I believe he was there. I have dreamt about Geoff only once. We ran towards each other and hugged and kissed. I said thanks for coming to see me. Then in my dream I felt him climb into bed with me and we fell asleep holding hands. It was very very real. Xxxx
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@FleurDeLis ha ha now you are trying to get Ron to eat pasties! After the scotch eggs and sausage rolls from yesterday, poor bloke won’t be able to move!!!
Have re-read last night’s post to you (too late to delete it now). I hope I didn’t offend you by saying you are nuttier than me. In the cold light of day I realise it may have come across as rude rather than funny. Unfortunately my humour doesn’t appeal to everyone. I tend to do and say nutty things, and now have to admit I have two brown bins, one cream bin and a red bin + inside bins!
Last time I went to Manchester about 12 years ago I went to a big shopping centre. Is it Trafford? My sister and I were in search of food rather than shopping, and they had some really nice food places. My previous visit to Manchester town centre itself before that was 45 years ago. We went into a lovely underground Italian restaurant with delicious food. Thinking about it both Manchester restaurants I have eaten in have been Italian. Loads of people in Manchester have beeped their horns at me when I have been in the wrong traffic lane. Found it quite stressful driving there. There is a strange road that seems to go round the city, and it is confusing as to which direction you should be going in from memory. Everything is signposted as west and east or north and south. That doesn’t help “lost” people like me. There used to be a big old building (possibly on the route to Preston) which could have been a mill. They divided the inside up into little mini shops to browse round. I think it had about 6 floors, and a garden centre bit at the bottom. Cannot for the life of me remember it’s name. May have started with B. Had its membership card in my purse until a year or so ago. Fascinating place. Hope you found your car @Ron and managed to go the right way round that road. Glad you got out today and have a meet up to look forward to. This bereavement thing is horrific with okay, low, lower and lowest. Hopefully if we keep supporting each other we can get to slightly more okay, okay and slightly better. We all know we will never get to better, as we would need our loved ones back for that. X
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@Wong
Grief is very painful. Some days are hard, the next harder, then the next crying on and off throughout the day.
When I’m shopping the tears jump out of no where, I’m glad I have my mask as that hides the ugly crying face.
I’m so lonely as there’s no bereavement groups up and running, I’m on a waiting list for farleigh hospice to allow a certain amount of people in a group chat via zoom.
I can’t find any groups to meet up with.
I’m looking for a job but that’s hard motivating myself to do and because I’m grieving I’m not going to be my best at interviews.
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Thankyou lady’s for your support today. You would not belive the places I have had to find over the years, places I North Wales, Manchester, Essex, I have miles under my belt, but my confidence has gone, today I felt like I have made a giant leap (hope I can keep it up) Manchester was a regular trip to work, marks and Spencer, we did work for them, forty years ago, ha ha, but have been back since, the Manchester Eye has gone and been replaced with trams, found a car park and more the point found it again so home now. Glad I made the effort it has broken my useless routine. I ment to say before in dog years she is70 but still 16 in her head. Again thankyou for the support and the smiles you gave me, they have not been forthcoming as of late
Ron x x x
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My daughter lived in Colchester for about 4 years. The land of roundabouts I used to call it.
Ron x x
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@Ron ha ha yes I have been lost in Essex too! They have odd roundabouts…and roundabouts off of roundabouts!
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Botony Bay
Ron x x
@Amylost have you thought about volunteering? I know @Mickp is considering it. It may be worth trying that as a start. It wouldn’t be as full on as a permanent job, and would ease you into working and being away from home gradually. If you didn’t like it after a few weeks you could pack it in, although it probably takes a few months to settle into a new job. Volunteering sometimes leads to permanent employment, but in any event it would give you a taste of whether or not you are ready to take on a more permanent role.
Interacting with others outside our grief bubble does have some positives and negatives, but I find other people quite interesting. Work colleagues tell you about their lives, happy things and problems and also the stupid things they and their kids do. I worked through lockdown. Some of my colleagues worked from home. I heard all about the trials and tribulations of home schooling, and was glad my kids are adults now so I didn’t have to do it, I hear about their pets, parents, siblings and friends, disastrous dates etc. Although some things are hard to hear in the bereaved position we are in, it is a reminder that life is going on. I am not living, I am existing, but I do get some amusement from the antics of my co-workers. I miss re-telling the stories when I get home though.
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@Ron Ron. Thanks, yes that is what it is called. Stunning looking building when you spot it from the motorway/main road.
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@Wong somehow I missed your post sorry about that but no you definitely did not offend me in fact made me laugh a lot 
I am late so will type more later but just wanted to say this when I looked to see if Ron found his car (glad you did Ron!);
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She is 10 which makes her 70 in dog years but she thinks she is still a pup, what characters they are stubborn lazy funny only problem is her snoring I can’t hear TV
Ron x x x
Ha ha Ron. You need to find the subtitle button! Glad you have her for company. Sounds like she has a bit of character. I have a fish I took off my daughter’s hands several years back. I had 4 originally and then got 4 more. Gradually they have all died, but this one is still going round and round. He has been on his own since last year, and I think they would make his life a misery if I got more fish now, so just keeping him on his own. There isn’t a lot of interaction with a fish!
They do not snore 
x x
Ps been on this site 6 months no idea how things work, just do my best ha ha
Ron x x
@Wong Yes I have a Volunteer “ job” lined up.
But its all hinged on me moving to my flat.( which is taking lawyers forever to sort) 
I though I MUST get out into a new community otherwise I will swap one lonely existence for another .
I found it on Indeed the jobs app .
And it’s working in a shop for this charity Sue Ryder it will give me a reason to get my sorry arse out of bed some days !
Also I look at that I have had great support here and it’s my way of giving something back .
Mick xx
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@Mickp I hope your lawyers get a move on for you. When you are feeling normal it is bad enough that you can’t move forward quickly enough with a property move, but you can really do without that extra stress at the moment on top of your bereavement. I hadn’t realised you had found a voluntary job already. Well done, and as you say it is always nice to give something back.
How is Venetia’s rose doing? I have a rose in a pot on my partner’s grave, and after looking sorry for itself, it is picking up nicely now. I also have violas there as he loved them. Think they must have put him in the windiest plot in the cemetery though. It is always blowing a gale and cold when I visit. He didn’t mind the cold thank goodness.
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@Wong Yes thanks for remembering The rose is picking up now It’s been a cold spring .
Venetia’s stone will be ready by end of month which will be nice.
But for now I’ll keep her looking beautiful.
I have approached the church about a commemorative bench for her and her sister @Merrin gave me the idea but it’s had to go to a PC.C meeting the cogs of which grind exceeding slow !
Last weeks flowers
Mick xx
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I had just planted my rose when you posted that you had planted the rose near Venetia, so it isn’t that my memory is good it is just that I have a reminder every time I visit the cemetery. The flowers you have put on are beautiful. You have grass on Venetia’s grave. Here they just mound up with several lots of dirt. It was really flinty at first, but just after I had put the pots on they came and put topsoil on and then thankfully put the pots back as I had them. They seem to leave the graves like that until people have headstones etc put on. Do you find you tidy other graves too? I quite often pick up other people’s pots and plants, flowers etc if I see they have blown over. There is no bench nearby, and no room for one really, can’t sit on the ground because of the mud, as each of his neighbouring graves still have dirt too, so I am thinking of putting a folding seat in the boot of my car. At the moment I just stand about like a lemon, once I have watered the plants.
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@Wong Yes it’s planted next to a fence nearby.
It looks grassy because it’s an ashes internment not a grave as such .
Yes I’m lucky there’s a bench nearby under trees where I hang a bird feeder.
She loved nature and especially her songbirds.
I will top it up tomorrow when I freshen up her flowers.
But yes take a seat ,take time,and fill him in on your weeks news good,bad or in deferent.!
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My beautiful man Dave
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@Wong your comments about the bins made me laugh. Yes I have 4 more inside, don’t even get me started on those!!
I hope Ron has not been following the Fleur Diet, I doubt my pasty, sausage roll and scotch egg diet will catch on as a clean eating trend and it’s one of the least efficient methods to leave this world that I found in my research a few months back! The weird thing is I used to be a mostly vegan, organic, healthy eater and now I’m a pork pie pusher!
How are you all doing today?
I had a better day today than recent days, I did have some frustrations over the antidepressants though, I only have 4 left and I’ve been trying to ring the Dr’s but the number cuts out, the online booking system also doesn’t work for weeks now and I am now a hermit so I cannot possibly go there in person (durrr).
The Drs who spoke to me when convincing me to take the ADs in the first place said its important to keep taking them for at least six months and then gradually be weaned off them as they are hard to come off and a suicide risk if not done properly so I am eager to not run out now the docs have got me hooked but the nincompoops after saying that didn’t give me a repeat prescription and no methods of contact work so I was a bit flummoxed. I sometimes wonder if everything is just an evil joke being played on me!
Anyway so I phoned 111 in desperation, they asked me all kinds of questions then said they couldn’t help unless it was after 18.30 as then they have a prescribing doctor available. Instead they gave me a number for a GP alliance whatever that is. I rang and explained all to the girl. The girl told me she could help but needed her computer so I would have to put the phone down and ring back!! I know I’m nuts but it didn’t make sense to me but after a few time of her saying it I just did it.
I got through to a recorded message. It said I’m number three in the queue. I waited until number one then it cut me off. I rang back. Eventually got through to the girl again (this girl had definitely “lost her gorm” as René used to say), i asked if she now mysteriously had her computer since I’d rung back as instructed. She said yes because now she could answer the phone on the other desk! Ahhh!
Anyway after that no appointments.
It’s a good job I’m not suicidal isn’t it.
Anyway long story short I got one for tomorrow now(I think!).
Moral of the story get your pills on repeat prescription.
Goodnight everyone, I hope you can sleep and escape all this for some hours.
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