Today I am suffering from pain due to a pulled neck and shoulder injury - it comes and goes so didn’t feel up to going to Church but i wanted to do something positive.
I decided to start sorting through my husband’s chest of drawers and wardrobe - if it felt like too much I knew could do just one drawer and stop. I was able to go through everything and I feel a great sense of calm, achievement, pride and closeness to him from doing it. Yes, there was plenty of tears but my son held me tightly and silently until I was able to laugh about the threadbare socks I was finally able to throw away - my husband would always say " there’s plenty of wear left in them!"
There are 2 charity bags for the Turkey/ Syria appeal, my son has had somethings, I’m going to open a Vinted account and start selling clothes on there - I have lost nearly 2 stone since Mark died in December so I think I’m in need of a new wardrobe. I’m keeping some items that hold very special and close memories. A friend has offered to make a Memory Bear from his favourite jacket - I’ve just had a thought - I’ll ask her to use the threadbare socks to stuff it!
It has been a cathartic and productive morning - I know Mark was with me, encouraging me and he will be proud of what I achieved.
Dear @Markswife
Thank you for sharing a positive and moving post. It is not easy going through your loved ones clothes after they have passed. The memory bear including the socks is a wonderful idea and will be so treasured and will be a beautiful keepsake which can provide comfort during times of grief. If you feel up to it, please show the bear once completed. We would love to see it.
Take care.
Pepsi
My late wife was a hoarder. The first thing I said to her when I moved in was “why are there 3 knitting machines up the loft”? She said “well, 2 of them are broken”, that sums her up. I filled 33 charity bags with her clothing, some of it still in the original bags. It is a hard task to take on but the thought that they could be of use to someone else brought me a sense of calm. I know she would have liked me to do this. I’ve given things on Freecycle and taken other stuff to charity shops. It’s a positive step to moving on I think, although I know I never will. Take care x
I certainly will show the bear when he is made. Perhaps we could have some suggestions for his name.
My guess is BearMark x
@Markswife. I am so impressed that you have gone through your Mark’s things. I can’t even bare to think about it yet. I only have to open his wardrobe and I go to pieces. You’re very brave.
@Markswife This is a big move. You are braver than me. I had to remove all my wife’s clothes quite soon after she passed so my son and his wife could move in permanently with me as she had the most storage space. I folded them up and put them into storage boxes and then took them to my son’s flat. I looked on it as I was tidying up for her not removing them. I haven’t taken them to a charity shop yet as my daughter wants to see if there are any items she wants. She lives away but is coming Tuesday. I tried a dummy run to a charity shop with some of my things and had to run out quickly so I’m not sure how it will go when I take hers. You have taken a positive step. Please show the bear when it is finished.
l sorted hubby’s wardrobe coz he had lots of good clothes, some not even worn, l used a website , you book a date and then leave your bags on the doorstep. part of their monies earned goes to charity of your choice, mine is a donkey sanctuary
@LotswifeThank you. I will look at that.
I feel your pain, we are in the process of sorting out my late ex partners clothing. We have donated the jumpers, coats and shoes to a homeless street kitchen that runs near us for disadvantaged people and some to a lovely homeless man that we have known for 10 years. It was hard parting with it but we feel that Brian would approve. Brian was well known for his “dad shirts” not yet able to sort them out just yet, as so many memories of him wearing them, our daughter would like some of them making into memory bears for our 2 grandsons which i think is a lovely idea. I sat with his wooley hat yesterday and cried as still smells of him. Just like everyone else here trying to navigate this awful journey the best way we can xx love to everyone xx
That’s how It feel even after 11 months . I feel it’s only 2 weeks since my darling Don died . I can’t envisage doing it any time soon !
I had to do it because I needed to go on. It was the hardest and most distraught thing I have ever been through but I did it and now I feel calmer knowing that she was happy for me to do this, that’s what she told me x
For the past month or so I have been going through my husbands clothing, a little at a time as he never would part with anything there was a lot! I took bags to various charity shops, oddly I couldn’t put his things in bin bags. Then a couple of weeks ago I overheard a conversation about Ukrainian people who are guests in our village. They have a contact who drives to Poland and delivers much needed aid. Into Ukraine, he was desperate for gents warm clothing.
I was so pleased to give him George’s coats and jackets, warm sweaters etc. and George would be so proud to help
I have made memory bears from my husband’s clothes for family and friends. My bear sits on the bed and I talk to him all the time.
Dear Markswife Your post has been a God send to me. I am havjng a very bad day missing my husband so much. The socks reminded me so much of him , in my case it was his slippers iI said when you go those will be inthe bin before they carry you out the door. Now they are one of my most precious possessions.
When I started to sift through hubby’s clothes, I approached a charity shop (connected to helping homeless men) asking if any particular day for donations.
I was told just to “dump” my bags at the back door!! They didn’t get anything from me & I will never donate there again.
G. X
How heartless, sorting the clothing is such a hard task and the last thing you want is to dump them.
My friend has finished the memory bear made from my husband’s jacket.
I am in awe of her skills and how she is has created such an amazingly wonderful bear for me. He has been stuffed with Mark’s old socks. The button in his ear and down his tummy are from a favourite Ben Sherman shirt, the M and heart on his feet are from a pair of socks, the collar is removable and he is fully jointed - and very cuddleable. I can even smell my darling Mark, too.