Hi Christina that sounds a bit like me. Our food cupboard is full of things that I know Derek was the last to use. He was the chef of the family & there’s a cupboard full of spices that I know are out of date but I can’t bring myself to throw them away. I know his hands have held them, it’s sounds silly but it’s how I feel. Take care x
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Hi Kim, bless you, I felt exactly the same, it has been 2 years since I lost my husband , it took a year to sort his clothes, I took most to charity shops which know he would have appreciated, I kept 2 items, a zip up top and his favourite shirt… like you, I felt like I was " erasing him", I broke down several times and shut his bedroom door ( he was really poorly for last 12 months or so of his life) and we had a bedroom each , even now, its hard to go in there, I sold the single bed as im tryng to now downsize to a one bed flat or bungalow. That was a hard day, the lady who bought the bed was so pleased with it, it was for her elderly mum who was going to live with her . So I knew it would be appreciated. Like others say, theres no rush, take your time, yes, like you said , I would sometimes say to Jeff " shall we throw this out, its threadbare nearly" and he would reply" no, its got loads life in it still" ( men eh)! and we both laughed… ( that threadbare jacket is one I kept), lol…
Take care, I wish you much love , hold on to good memories. x
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Hi sorry your your loss I think some friends even family think 11 months on I’m ok and why do I have all Micks things still. I have given some coats which he hardly wore to charity I ask him first then told him ha. Strange all the time another world we exist in. I’m happy someone appreciated what you gave them that’s nice.
Take care long journey isn’t it. X
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Hello Kim, if 10 months feel right then look through your lovely husband’s clothes even if it means you take them out, remember when he last wore that shirt or dressing gown and put them right back again. There are no rules. It’s just over 2 years for me. I still go and lean in the wardrobe and snuggle into John’s clothes. Some things I’ve given away. I imagine him and me agreeing what can go, maybe those things he was never keen on. I get comfort from his clothes, memories, buckets of tears. It’s all part of then and now. No rules, no time limits. Thinking of you. X
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Thank you sorry for your loss. Like you I open wardrobe look at his things thinking one day have managed to sort some clothes he really did not wear it’s day at a time isn’t it. His dressing grown is on his side of the bed x
You take care
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Hello Kim, Yes sorting a loved one’s clothes and things is a difficult hurdle to get over. My wife, of 58 years, loved clothes and shoes and she had lots of them. I asked my son and daughter-in-law to deal with them and in a couple of days they carefully sorted them and took most of them to a local charity shop. The shop was very pleased to be given them and they raised some worthwhile funds. By choice I wasn’t involved at all, as I knew I’d find it too upsetting. For me this worked very well. I still have to sort all sorts of other things and am doing this gradually when I feel up to it. Best wishes.
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Hi sorry for your loss so hard my son said he will help me as well when I’m ready I just to upset and feel for him.
Thank you take care
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So sorry for your loss. I am 8 1/2 months since I lost my hubby and so far except for underwear have kept everything. I cannot bear to part with it. Ialso have some of his cycling clothing which was such a huge part of his life until he got Parkinson’s. Some of his coats were hanging in the hall and I did not want to part these but just before Christmas a chap in our village was collecting much needed coats and trainers for the homeless charity so I gave the coats and some shoes to him. I know my hubby would have preferred them to go to the homeless rather than just put into a charity bag collection. It is heart breaking I know. I also still have two of his favourite bikes and cannot bear to sell them it would feel like a betrayal. Keep things you want to keep, you don’t have to part with everything. I am keeping quite a lot, hi s cycling gear and some of his polo shirts etc. Lots of hugs to you
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Thank you all for replying and wish we weren’t on here but sadly we are I appreciate everyone’s advice
Take care x
Hi Kim sorry for your loss. I lost Dave 18months ago and I managed to sort his clothes and shoes out in October last year. I gave his suits etc to a charity shop as I hoped they would help someone who needed a nice suit for an interview with covid making so many redundant. I kept the special shirts and t-shirts with so many memories to them. A friend has made me a memory quilt from the shirts which she gave me just before Christmas. She will make another quilt from the T-shirts. It’s heartbreaking going through it all and it does feel like I was chucking him out but I just did it for a couple of hours each time then had a break. I love my quilt as I can see Dave in each of the squares. I will post a picture of it as it may help you think if you would like something similar. 
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Thanks to all that have contributed to this topic.
Its clear that I am not the only one with sentimental attachments to my wife’s clothes.
She always dressed smartly and I was always proud to be with such a smart lady with such good classical taste in clothes. When we were first married I could not believe how much she would spend on a Jacket. Yet that Jacket is still looking good as she bought quality rather than fashion.
I have taken 10 bin bags to the Charity shop before the second lockdown. Now I have at least another 15-20 bags to go. Wanted to give them to the Women’s refuge but they asked me to keep them till all this covid was over.
So glad its not just me having this attachment to clothes. They were her, if you know what I mean.
Had one heart breaking moment though. Whilst going through her things I found her favourite perfume. Opium. A full unopened bottle I had got her for Christmas but she never got to use it.
Could not resist spraying some into the air just to remind me of her. It smelt wonderful. Then I heard a commotion in the living room and the dog came running in. Looking frantically around. He smelt the perfume and though she was home. Enough to make you cry. She looked so down in the dumps when she knew Jackie was not there.
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I am dreading moving his stuff. Apart from clothes he has over 2 000 books and literally thousands of images …he was a wildlife photographer
My sister has made me a memory bear from some of his clothing of which are some of the pieces he wore most. It brings me so much comfort.
I’ve tried to share a photo of bear.
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Hi sorry for you loss I love the quilt will definitely have one made with his clothes brilliant
Thank you for sharing this.
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Thank you for sharing this great ideas I shall have the blanket and a bear done at least I have his clothes
Xx
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Sorry for the loss of your wife I spray Mick’ s after shave and his deodorant at times always used the same
Take care
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Thought I’d take a photo of the memory bear. I love it and he sits in Derek’s chair. He’s called Delbear x
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Oh its just so hard…i am only at the 7 month point and have donated a few things to our local charity shop…but kept a lot too…not sure why as it wont bring him back but it seems a betrayal not to…and its a gradual process i am told…i also have a memory bear and thats nice but again wont bring him back.
Would have been married 33 years today so perhaps thats why i am feeling angry and down …hope you are all doing the best that you can…
Xxxx
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Anniversaries are the worst. What can I say? No matter what I could think of will not help.
Someone told me who has been through this that the 1sts are the worst. 1st week, month, Christmas etc.
If it helps in any small way I am thinking of you. Sending my thoughts over the ether to support you. If I lived close, and it was appropriate, I would give you a big reassuring hug. Even let you cry on my shoulder. But I shall have to do it ‘virtually’. When you talk to him tell him a stranger sends his love and best wishes.
Frank
Thankyou Frank…I know that all of us are experiencing the same…1sts are i am told the worse times…this group does help and I send back a virtual hug to you and anyone who needs it…
Xx
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