I have been searching for answers since losing my soulmate to cancer 4 months ago. I married this man and made the promises and vows of commitment not knowing what lay ahead. Cancer is cruel in so many ways and the treatments are harsh. The final months are a test of love and commitment but you give everything in the hope that you will be spared the awful consequences of this disease. I prayed that my husband would be cured as he endured surgery, chemotherapy and numerous infections but my prayers were not answered.
I have searched for answers and read heartbreaking stories of loss and grief and have reached this conclusion.
My husband didn’t want to leave this realm and I prayed he wouldn’t but he has. So now I have to pick up the pieces for us both. Today I realised that I have the job of fulfilling OUR dreams and I will do it because for everything I do albeit alone it takes me one step closer to Mike. Once my job is done here I will be reunited with him and he will be so proud as he lives in every beat my heart makes.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and I hope you all find some solace in your grief journey
Jen x
An inspiring attitude,
Thankyou for posting.
G. X
@Grandma you are most welcome, I hope it goes a little way to helping someone else going through this journey
Jen x
@Jen64, you made me cry reading your post but it’s something I needed to hear today, as today is 6 years since I lost my dad to lung cancer, he was 52 and he didn’t want to leave us and I try and to fulfill everything he could not, thankyou for your post 
xxxx
Hi Jen64
Thank you for your post…made me cry too…I whole heartedly agree with you.
I’m 51, lost my husband Nov 21 to cancer & covid…we had been together 21 years…he passed 2 days before our 22nd wedding anniversary. It’s all been truly awful & I miss him so much. Like you say, battling through treatment, praying & hoping they can hold on that bit longer.
He was so brave. I need to be brave now & live for both of us…but it’s hard, I take one day at a time & even break the day down into small tasks to get through. I’m determined to keep going as best I can, but at the same time I am a great believer in letting it all out so the tears will still flow freely whilst I try and move forward.
I’m so sorry we all find ourselves in this position…it helps to know that people on this forum understand. Take care x
Dear @Lorraine89 thank you for replying to my post. I think we are all so brave and united on this forum. I am sorry that your dad was also taken by cancer it’s a devastating illness but he will be so proud of everything you do and I am pleased sharing my story has helped you in some way
Jen xx
Dear @BarnCat I am so sorry that you too lost your husband. It’s certainly a journey none of us would choose to take but we are here now and the road is a bumpy one. I cry when I feel the tears need to escape, watching the one you love go through something un imaginable leaves devastation in its path so we need to cry to allow ourselves to heal.
Watching my husbands bravery during his long illness has given me the will to be brave for us both now. I am sure there are still many more mountains to climb but no matter how hard they are I will get to the top one step at a time.
You take care too
Jen xx
Dear @Jen64 & @Lorraine89
Wishing us all strength as we go forward on our journeys. We need to remember that our loved ones are always with us in our hearts and with the memories we hold dear…that way they are never far away. Sending big hugs for the brave warriors of grief. xxx
Hi @Jen64 and @BarnCat thankyou so much for your kind words it really is appreciated, sending you lots of love and strength back and I’m here for you both anytime thankyou again xxxx
I’m also here for you both so please pm anytime x
Thankyou so much its really kind of you 
your post was something I really needed to hear that day, and will stay with me so thankyou from the bottom of my heart it truly has helped xxxx
Thank you for posting . To have that attitude such a short time after your loss is amazing . Look after yourself on your journey ahead of you 
Your post resonates with me as I to lost my partnee of 15years on the 21 November and am not looking forward to next month and that date passing . Take care xxx
Hi @Shirleymc
No, I’m not looking forward to November …my husband passed on the 23rd Nov 2021. I can’t believe a whole year will have gone by without him…I miss him so much. It’s so hard isn’t it…just thinking about the date coming around sets me off crying. Some people have asked if I am going to do anything…my gut reaction is absolutely not, why would I want to make a thing of it & remember such an awful time. Each to their own though I guess & whatever helps to get you through…just not for me at the moment.
I’m sure it’s going to be an emotionally bumpy month for us both, more so than normal…I’ll be thinking of you & wishing us the strength to get through. Sending hugs xx
Thank you Like you I am not sure what the day will bring . Cancer is such a cruel task master and I don’t want to relive those last 10 days would preffer to remember the good times we had and celebrate them not his passing. Take care and my thoughts will be with you too xx
It will be four years on 7 November. I’m finding harder now than ever before?
Hello @Millmatty
I’m so sorry for your loss…time is certainly no healer. The grief and sadness following the loss of our loved ones is not something to be got over or to be got through…but something we very slowly have to learn to live with & carry each day as we go forward. My thoughts are with you…xx
Yes I am 3 years on but no easier really . I think even close family and friends think I’m fine . Let’s face it their lives continue as before where ours take a very different path we never would have chosen . Maybe we need to talk more to folk how we are feeling but to be fair how can they understand unless they have been in our shoes . Just still one day at a time . Sometimes a step
Forward sometimes a step back but we are stepping on even though it’s so hard ! Take care of yourself 
Thank you for posting Jen. I too lost my Rob 6 months ago . He fought so hard but it wasn’t to be, I lost my soulmate.
People & family say I’m coping but I’m not.
Had a terrible meltdown today but reading your post has made me feel less alone .
Big hugs to you, thanks.
Thank you for posting your moving account. I lost my Sue suddenly in November 2021. Not a day goes by when I don’t reflect on what has been lost. But I am the sole custodian of our shared memories over our 28 years together, and I am determined to always rejoice in how much Sue gave to me. I am continuing to travel and a small portion of her ashes gets deposited in her and my favourite places at home and abroad. That provides me with another good reason to go back to places we loved, and the pictorial record of her “Ashes on tour” is helping her son come to terms with losing his mother. The final 75grams will be spread on the anniversary of her death in two weeks time which I suspect will be a deeply emotional occasion. I wish you well on your journey.