I wonder if we ever truly accept it.
One ladey I know who is 8 years in, said the first 5 years are the worst
X
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Liro
Sometimes when I am at my computer keyboard and nod off a bit as I am prone to do now my husband’s death has robbed me of the ability to sleep, I think that he is sitting behind me on the sofa. Of course, when I turn round there is nothing and no-one there. I cannot decieve myself that this is a nightmare; it is cruel reality. The man I love, whose companionship I have had for 50 years is now gone forever.
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I don’t know. I ask myself that. Last night, watching TV, zoning out really, just looking around and saying “this is my life now.”
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It is all still so raw for you.
The journey you are now on is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. But eventually there will be more ups than downs
I promise you it will get easier, the pain will never go but you will learn to live with it. You will never forget but you will stsrt to smile at memories, in time
Do you talk to him? I do, and sometimes I tell him off.
And I write to him too, every day. I tell him about what and I’ve been doing, where I’ve been, who I’ve seen, just as if I was talking to him
Sometimes my words are accompanied by tears.
Now he lives in my head and my heart and I carry him with me everehere I go.
As time has gone on I am coping, I go out, I have made new friends at the bereavement group I go to.
I keep busy, I need to keep distracted. It helps
I know that at the moment you will not believe a word of this, but please keep posting.
You will find comfort from being with people who understand, because they are going through it too
Sending a big hug 
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Another thing is hearing or seeing something and thinking ‘Oh I must tell Paul that’
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Yes I agree.
I think that overall the missing is the hardest thing
i believe we will be together in an after life i cling to that hope that 1day i will be with my wife again
may wife got diagnosed in May and left this world in September life can be so cruel but memories live forever and i hold onto the love we had yes it hurts in ways i never imagined but i look forward to the day we will be together again x
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Hello Liro,
Thank you for your contribution. It is very supportive. I have started ‘talking’ to my husband. Not sure at the moment whether it helps or not. My lodger has just come down the stairs, and I find myself becoming very resentful of the fact that he is still in the house, making noises, and my husband is not. I would like to tell him to go , but I need the money he provides.
Even now, I try to go out every day, but my heart is not in it, and I seem to be coping less well as the days go on. Perhaps some of the ‘shock’ is receding and I am now up against the brutal truth that my husband has gone and will never return.
I too am going to bereavement groups but find it hard to find anything in common with others there apart from the fact that we have all recently lost loved ones, mainly husbands (they are overwhelmingly women) but some have lost parents.
A big hug to you too.
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Failsafe
So sorry to hear about your wife, her illness and demise. My husband, too, deteriorated very rapidly after his disease (metastatic cancer) really took hold. His decline started around mid-November and he died in a hospice on Easter Saturday 4.4.26. Now, until the end of my days I will hate that date, and also Easter, whenever it comes in March or April. And I will never look forward to winter turning into spring. I miss him more than words can say and will love him until the day I die. My very best wishes to you.
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My husbands death to cancer was very quick. Christmas Eve we were told it might be cancer, 2 weeks later we were told it was terminal, 6 weeks later he died.
I didn’t process it then and I don’t think I have even now
You are so new to this and everything is so raw.
Over the next few weeks and months you will have many ups and downs. And yes you will resent others for being here.
What you are feeling is normal. I know what you mean about not wanting to carry on but not intentionally doing anything about it.
I felt like that for a long time. I sometimes still do, but now my Grandaughter is getting married next year and I have something to look forward to.
Do you have family?
Just allow yourself to grieve, however you need to. We are all different
Big hugs x