Barbm
Sorry for your loss,
Lost my husband 19 months ago and finding
The second year so difficult ,reality has kicked in and i cannot believe,he has gone,
I walk a lot and try to go out with a friend once a week ,
Do visit the cemetery at least once a week
Take care big hugs
Sue
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Just said those exact words on another link 
17 months for me and its bloody awful xx
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My husband passed away 8 months ago, it’s going to be my 60th next week but no celebrating my best friend isn’t here to share it with me. Just feel so lost at the moment xx
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Mynhisband was 60 when he passed 17 months ago. I know its hard and so very unfair x
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It has been five months now and I’m desperately trying to find motivation to get my house clean, I’m so sorry for your hurt, 
. Seems like it’s never going to end. For me there are some good days sprinkled in there. Almost given the illusion that everything is going to be alright. Then there’s days like today. I have been using art like painting or a project my grandma taught me long time ago as an outlet. Also I need to find a way to make money. But I ordered some epoxy resin and had some ideas in mind long time ago, like before Tom. So today after I shower and do laundry I’m going to make little pendants and I’m going to sprinkle some of Tom’s ashes into the epoxy resin. along with some sparkles, the kit came with a bunch of little colorful things I can add to it. Then I am going to send them to his mom and dad, his uncles and aunties. Of course my boys will have a couple to keep. And I’m not sure but I’m hoping having some of him with me at all times will help. I have been working on a portrait of him since his accident. I feel like it has finally started to get close to what he really looked like. I’m doing the portrait without a picture just from memory. I showed his mom and she agrees that it has started to look like him. I also am teaching myself to do portraits at the same time. I’m hoping again that by teaching myself to do that, I can eventually make money, say doing portraits. I’m not sure if things are going to get better but I hope that they do, and I hope that I become stronger, because my boys deserve to have me be the best that I can be. Also I know Tom would not want me to be sad or hurt, ever. We really truly loved each other. I miss him, however I know that he will be proud of me if I overcome this depression or grief. And I’m hoping that by sharing, you can also find a ray of light. I’m so sorry that you, or any of us have to deal with this. This is my first day on this community site and I already have shared and feel like I’ve gotten a lot more off my chest than I have since it all happened. I even am starting to feel some motivation. I Wish, wish I joined months ago. Please take care of yourself.
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Hi
My husband loved art and would paint. Hes got an art room full of stuff that he made over the years.
I am doing an exhibition in August in is honour, all proceeds are going to his charities.
Ive realised since he passed away. I have to busy myself like organising his funeral.
Everything else is just flat and going through the motions.
The jewellery you are making sounds lovely xx
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@Singlemomma15 I think your ideas for making money, combined with a hobby you enjoy, are great, congratulations on your innovative spirit. I wish you well.
On thing I noticed that you wrote, “before Tom” hit a chord with me. My life now seems to be “Before Steve died” or “Since Steve died”, and every single thing relates to that. Such a massive impact our painful bereavement has had on us all.
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So an update I guess, I never got a shower in. I did do a little laundry. I vacuumed some in the living room cleaned off the countertops and picked up garbage in the bathroom yep. That’s it and then I made some food and listen to music. I needed a towel for the shower. So hopefully I get one in soon. I made some earrings. They’re beautiful. Can’t wait to make more but have to clean. It’s my reward for cleaning I get to make things. Thank you for your message and I hope we all survive this. Not just survive but thrive and be happy.
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It was 2 years yesterday since I lost my dear husband of almost 52 years and life is still unbearably lonely. I know how you feel. We didn’t have any real friends as we always kept ourselves to ourselves and that was what we liked, we had each other and that was enough. I thought things were meant to get easier with time but if anything this second anniversary was worse than the first. For weeks leading up to it I was going over and over the events in my mind and getting more and more distraught. I try to keep busy so it stops me thinking about the deep loss but there’s only so many times I can clean the house or cut the grass. I don’t think there’s been one day in the last 2 years when I haven’t cried, each new day is just another to endure.
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Hi @knspol so sorry for your loss. I can relate to what you have said. I was with my husband for forty nine years and just missed out on our Golden Wedding. I feel so cheated. I miss him every single day and think about him constantly. I do still cry but not every day now. Can’t see a future at the moment but do hope for better times. Will never stop loving or missing my husband. I still can’t believe he has gone. You take care.X
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I feel exactly the same, coming up to 13 months in a few days and the 36th wedding anniversary is 1st July - can’t bear to be home alone so will get away for a couple of days for some peace of mind.
I have kept myself busy too in the past 12 months but with no purpose- life without him in certainly meaningless 
Sending big hugs xx
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Where r u gonna go ? Anywhere nice ? But you do flipping right ! By yourself … c i cant really do by myself cos it will make me feel even more lonely xx
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Thank you Loobyloo2, it’s really helpful knowing someone understands. So many of us are in the same situation but is still feels sometimes as if it’s only happened to me. I wish you the very, very best.
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I’m thinking of going to Nice for a couple of days. I’ll wait for a couple of weeks and see if I still want to go then I will book. I know I will be lonely wherever I am so I thought it’s better than being in the house, alone, sad, empty and lonely
take care xx
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Jody,
I’m new to the group here and I’m one year on from losing my husband. I feel for you right now. I honestly thought I could never laugh again or listen to any music. Songs can be so hard. I’m feeling a good bit better now but I had 18 months of anticipatory grief as he had terminal cancer from diagnosis. That was hard for both of us. We could hardly look at each other sometimes Now I see that time helped me because when the time came it was hard but not a shock.
So the sudden shock you have had is likely still with you. Be kind to yourself and take your time. Sending you much love. Xx
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Yeh know what you mean but still youre brave flying by yourself. I got a dog so its harder anyway xx
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I feel exactly the same can’t bear the loneliness at home but scared to book anything in case I can’t go through with going away on my own 
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I keep looking for somewhere to go but I’m not sure I would be able to go either.
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Thank you Louli1 for your kind words. They have been really helpful and comforting on what has turned out to be a really difficult evening. xx
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I’m 11 weeks in and just finding today so hard.
My sister and niece came for the day which was nice but after a while I just wanted them to leave , which isn’t like me at all. I was so exhausted this evening from trying to hold it all together and now I just feel full of despair and sadness and can’t stop the tears.
My emotions are all over the place - I’m either in the depths of despair and feeling so lonely, or I feel completely numb which feels just as bad.
Feel like I never have space to grieve as my kids are at home and I need to be there for them, but worried I am building up trouble for the future.
Good to hear from those who have moved on a little - it’s helpful to have a little hope that life can get easier in time.
Thanks.
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