I’m so sorry for your hurt, it makes me want to cry with you. 52 years, gosh that’s amazing, and beautiful. I couldn’t imagine how deep and intense your pain must be, let alone the loneliness. I pray that while still here on earth you find joy and happiness again, even just a little, a reason, a validation for having to suffer without your love. I’m so sorry 
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Thank you for your very kind words. So good of you to bother to reply, it’s appreciated more than you know.
I wish you all the very best with your own struggles especially when you also have children to care for and help through these unbearable times.
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I am just 1 week ahead of you.
I totally identify with after a while wanting people to leave (or thinking I would like to leave).
Also the feeling numb.
The moods and emotions of grief are so unpredictable and devastating!
Sending you a big hug,
Rose x
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Yeh you feel numb … i agree - i think its the brains way of protecting us ? Although it sidnt stop me crying … its so tough those early days ! Baby steps and keep being kind to yourself xx
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Haha i said to my mum the other day… youve finished your tea, you can go now.
I cant sit still and relax… got to find something to do.
Not sleeping so started sleeping pills again.
Urrrrrgggh 
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Do you know what I took a sleeping pill last night I have been trying to wean off, I will probably take one tonight as well, as collecting Nick’s ashes tomorrow.
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I have found exercise has helped me a lot ! X
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Thinking of you getting his ashes xx
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I swim and I walk, but as soon as I get into bed I can’t get the image out of my head of my husband having CPR on the floor, the sleeping tablet helps, but I know its not ideal
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Ive got 3 dogs and walk them. I get into bed, try and read or watch TV… think of my Nick passing away… and i cant sleep.
Or… ping! Wake up 3am with a jolt! And dont go back to sleep.
Ive resisted pills since Nick passed away but ive had one tonight to calm me
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Isn’t Gretna special ? I visited when I was 11 years old and stood in that Blacksmiths then 42 years later I married the love of my life there
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I used to do that - i used to wake up with a jolt when i realised he wasnt sleeping next to me ;( i also had trouble with sleeping too but one of things i found and still do was to play songs i like on utube on my phone … soothes me … still… and helps me sleep xx
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Yes that’s me ! why is it always bloody 3am! my Nick was always up at 5am for work , so I am still waking at 5am, and that’s after the 3am thinking! So it’s not great is it !
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I actually work for a coach holiday company , we eloped didn’t tell anyone, on the Monday it was full of tourists and coaches, and thought we would end up with a coach load, but the next day Tuesday 27th September 2022 when we married it was quiet no tourists!
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we had a two decade engagement ! Nick was my 3rd time lucky sadly I had two previous abusive marriages and Nick showed me what marriage should of been, I feel lucky to of experienced it, just wish we had longer
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Thanks for the hug Rose
I’ve spent much of tonight giving hugs to my 2 youngest who are really missing their dad and finding life so hard at the moment.
I feel so helpless as I can’t ease their pain and I hate being a single parent with no one now to chat through our ideas around how to best support our kids.
Big hug back and to all struggling with our huge loss xx
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That is.tough @roni52.
Do they talk to you or their older siblings?
If so do you think that helps?
Is there a section on this site for children and bereavement?
I am sending you another big hug.
Love,
Rose x
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Hi susie
I am also finding the second year harder as I have hit reality. The first year I was like a walking zombie but still thinking he was coming back. I then hit a wall of reality and it was awful facing up to the fact he was not coming back. Now I am trying to make a new life for myself with my husband along side of me in spirit.
Some days are good I have made some new friends and joined some groups. The bad days hit me hard and I have to give myself a kick and get out there, because out there I must be to fill my life.
I am sat here writing this and having a bad day. I need to bounce back yet again and this process goes on and on.
There is only one alternative and I don’t want to go there, luckily I have a loving family who support me but I live on my own and it is the hard part when you close that front door and there is no one else to interact with.
I miss him so much it hurts everyday not to have him in my life.
I find that inner strength to go on every day.
Take care xxx
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I feel the same it’s only I haven’t managed to make friends I do have family but I only see them once a week
It’s very hard when you shut the door and there is nobody there the days seam so long me and my husband had done everything together for the last 3 years when we found out he only had 2to 5 years left it’s really hard when you lose your partner who you had been with for 45 years
Sending hugs to all who are going through this x
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I really feel for you. It’s indescribable to lose the love of your life but having to try to cope with that at the same time as comforting children who have lost their dad takes it to another level. It may sound harsh to say this but children do mostly bounce back really well from this sort of trauma. Once they’re back at school with their friends then it seems to be a lot easier for them to ‘forget’ even for a short time. I realise they are your priority but please try to take some time to yourself to grieve properly. It’s so hard trying constantly to put on. a brave face and not get upset in front of them and leaves you no time to help yourself navigate this hugest of changes to your life. Take care.
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