It’s been nearly 15 months for me and like others on here, I feel as if I’m surrounded by a grey cloud. I just don’t see how it could ever lift as I just miss spending my time with Ian. Whatever I do, he will be forever missing from my life which now has no meaning or purpose. I think this is what people find so hard to understand.
I’m lonely but I’m lonely because I’m without Ian, a huge and insurmountable difference and one which breaks my heart more and more each day.
Take care
Julie x
I totally empathise with you Julie. We can be in a room full of people and the one person we need more than ever is missing. The only person that can make it all okay. People just do not get it. My heart breaks x
Totally agree with you Nel and Trixie.
Hi Moira
I can understand totally what you are saying. My husband will have been gone a year at the end of September and I can’t help partly feeling that when a year is up he will be back through the door asking me how my day was. I also feel that if it doesn’t happen this year it will be next. I know he is not going to do this but my subconscious mind is doing it to help me cope and show me a reason to keep going. I do have days of loneliness and tears .All I can say is progress through grief is probably not a straight line. I take courage to keep going from all those here who show that I am not alone in my experiences.
Ferret8
I agree that grief does not follow a straight line. On hearing of the death of our queen I felt envious of her seeing her husband again. I’m nearly two years into my bereavement and I am struggling to accept his death, although I do know he’s not coming back. Big hugs to everyone.
My first thought was she will be with Philip again. They will be together I then felt bereaved myself again as the queen has been a constant in all our lives. It will not be the same without her. I’m not good with change. I never have been. I feel so sad about our Queen x
The sad death of our Queen has just brought all the memories and feelings of Ian’s last morning flooding back. I have never felt so alone and tearful in quite a long time.
It hasn’t helped that so called ‘’friends’ are always busy or just don’t text back anymore. I’ve been on the verge several times of asking my GP for antidepressants and sleeping tablets, something I’ve avoided for nearly 15 months.
It’s such a sad and lonely existence at the moment and I can’t see a way out of it.
Julie x
Hi Nel, I couldn’t agree with you more. I am referring to your post of three days ago.X
You are not alone in your struggle Julie. I am fifteen months in and feel I’m am going mad some days. I take antidepressants and sleeping tablets. If I didn’t take the sleeping tablets I would not sleep. I still feel as tho I am just existing. I keep holding back the tears but I am just going to let go and cry. If I cry all day I cry all day. I feel once I start I will never stop. Life is so lonely and I’m fed up of pretending I’m okay x
Thank you Nel. It does help to know I am not alone in feeling as I do. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. X
Trixie1
I am 21 months in and I still feel lost and cry some days. Other days are not so bad. I had sleeping tablets for a few months. I don’t take them now but I do have a low dose of 15mg antidepressants to help me relax and go to sleep. I do wonder when I will be able to get through a whole week without tears. Big hugs to all.
Trixie1. This is how I feel. It is the isolation and loneliness I cannot cope with. Like many others I have Saturday and Sunday on my own all day and night to cope with. Crying is like a hobby to me at the moment I’m afraid. I am so fed up with it all. As I said I am not the only one but that is no consolation I’m afraid. Thinking of you all.
Hi Moira, I lost my wife last April and like yourself I am going downhill, my world ended that day and your story is so similar to my own. I met Lynne when I was just sixteen and now at 61, I just don’t know what to do. On the actual day we parted I was also told I had cancer. After major surgery and chemo I’m still here, if it does take me at least I can hold my wife again. I send love and hugs to you and pray that life becomes a bit easier for you. X
Hi Mo. I feel exactly the same. I have just woke up and already I feel afraid. I have anxiety in my stomach and wonder how I will face the day. Sending you a hug x
Hi Moira, I thought I was doing ok, managing to sleep most nights, not crying every day. Then on the last bank holiday weekend it hit me so hard, I realised that it had been six months,half a year since that terrible morning in February when I woke up to find my husband dead beside me. Since then I have trouble sleeping again and am crying several times every day. Nobody calls me or comes to visit. It is so hard 
ValerieT
So sorry to hear of your awful sadness. It is so hard. I found all holidays hard. It will two years for me in two months and I still feel so sad, I do force myself to go out and about but it is such a huge struggle. Hopefully things will improve for everyone slowly but surely. Big hugs to everyone who is sad and alone.
Hi Valerie T. It has been 15 months for me and I really don’t feel any better. I have been Ali E all of today and will be again tomorrow. It is so destroying. You are not alone with these feelings sending hugs Moira xx
Hi Nel. One thing I can help you with is anxiety.
Firstly get a notebook & write down how you’re feeling. You don’t even have to look at the page again if you don’t want to, but by removing your anxious thoughts from your head & placing them in a book you can imagine you are lifting a lid removing unhelpful upsetting thoughts & placing them somewhere that is outside your mind. It works I promise.
Also use distraction eg when you start becoming anxious go through the alphabet to name plants animals, countries, anything you like…really concentrate on it. After practicing I hope you’ll find you automatically do that & your anxiety will lessen.
Lastly deep breaths. Breathe in for count of 4, breathe out for count of 6 ,as you do relax your shoulders, your stomach, hands fingers & toes. As you do you will realise how much tension your body is holding in.
Of course you may already know all this & think who is this muppet whose telling me what I already know!!
Hope you feel better soon. Xx
Thank you Anne. I really appreciate your help. I’d forgotten about the alphabet. It was something I used a long time ago. I’ve always suffered with anxiety but since my husband died it has become a lot worse. It’s like losing our husbands. Nobody understands unless they’ve experienced it. Sending a hug. Xx
Hi Annie. I too welcome your advice although I have been writing in a daily journal every day (I am on number 4 at the moment). I write as if I am talking to my husband and tell him about my feelings and fears. It does help but unfortunately doesn’t bring him home. Thinking about you all, Moira